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  1. #11
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsAGuy View Post
    It very well might be nuts, but authenticity is paramount to me (and it seems INFJs in general)... so I can't ignore very authentic feelings for her even though the situation is inconvenient to us both, nor float inauthentic feelings to local women just to satisfy cuddly needs =P Plus, even if I did meet someone genuine locally, I'll have to feel guilty about having woo'd the other girl as far as I have, just to snap our connection? Violates my sense of ethics.

    I'm more or less wondering how to feel happy ALONE in the meantime.
    UGH I can definitely relate to this! I have never been able to ignore "authentic" feelings I've had for someone, no matter how inconvenient the circumstances, and my conscience won't let me act on inauthentic feelings. Sometimes having a conscience sucks, lol!!

    Have you and the long-distance girl ever spent any time in person together? If not, my advice would be to arrange a visit before making any long term decisions like "I am going to save myself for this girl even if I do meet someone local that I like" or "Long distance isn't going to work, I'm going to give up on it."
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

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  2. #12
    Senior Member ItsAGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquarelle99 View Post
    Have you and the long-distance girl ever spent any time in person together? If not, my advice would be to arrange a visit before making any long term decisions like "I am going to save myself for this girl even if I do meet someone local that I like" or "Long distance isn't going to work, I'm going to give up on it."
    Nope... and normally I avoid this kind of situation. I've known her for a good while due to unrelated circumstances and i've only really discovered 'her' and my feelings in the last half-year or so. I tried to talk myself out of it for the first few months, and then have just been direct with her about how I feel the last two or so. We each know a fair lot about the other and there certainly are no surprises when it comes to what the other looks or sounds or acts like.

    We HAVE talked about the pond a bit, and they were good conversations. But being an ISFJ she has a much more 'in-the-moment' attitude about it. "We'll cross that bridge if/when we come to it" were her (admittedly practical) words, though she was all smiles while saying it. She is, at the very least, entertaining the idea of me and crossing the pond (though honestly I think I'd feel better going to her... I just can't do it without stable employment... I won't be the sort of leech my sisters always seem to end up with.)
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #13
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Hmmm, I believe that you know her well, but I'd still say you should make a few visits, whether you go there or she comes here, before you make a permanent move...

    Plus that could help "tide you over" while you figure out employment if you move there.
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

    My blog:
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  4. #14
    Senior Member ItsAGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquarelle99 View Post
    Hmmm, I believe that you know her well, but I'd still say you should make a few visits, whether you go there or she comes here, before you make a permanent move...

    Plus that could help "tide you over" while you figure out employment if you move there.
    Oh, geez... yeah, I went on so long in the 'convos' bit that I forgot the original point that she was open to the idea of my coming over for 'Tea' ... but not JUST for her; like if I were already swinging through for vacation or something. Problem is, she's just about the only thing in Europe I find interesting =P

    Another notion is that it would be easy for her to get a tourist VISA and spent some time 'crashing' around the states, including with me, for an 'extended' vacation of her own. A few weeks, a month or two... feasible and affordable, but still kinda weird. I haven't mentioned it.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #15
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsAGuy View Post
    Oh, geez... yeah, I went on so long in the 'convos' bit that I forgot the original point that she was open to the idea of my coming over for 'Tea' ... but not JUST for her; like if I were already swinging through for vacation or something. Problem is, she's just about the only thing in Europe I find interesting =P

    Another notion is that it would be easy for her to get a tourist VISA and spent some time 'crashing' around the states, including with me, for an 'extended' vacation of her own. A few weeks, a month or two... feasible and affordable, but still kinda weird. I haven't mentioned it.
    Oh okay good.

    Do I guess correctly from your avatar that you are a photographer? I'd say you could find some interesting things you could take pic of in Europe. I bet you'd find some things (besides the girl) interesting once you were there.
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

    My blog:
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  6. #16
    Senior Member ItsAGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquarelle99 View Post
    Oh okay good.

    Do I guess correctly from your avatar that you are a photographer?
    I take pics, but haven't made a go at basing income on the practice. I actually had only just posted an album (here) earlier today.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #17
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Off the wall goofy conversations with those I've allowed into my exclusive friend circle.

    And hugs! Though I'm pretty picky about who I partake with. If they arent on the allowed list, then it's just awkward.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  8. #18
    Senior Member ItsAGuy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skyward View Post
    Off the wall goofy conversations with those I've allowed into my exclusive friend circle.

    And hugs! Though I'm pretty picky about who I partake with. If they arent on the allowed list, then it's just awkward.
    Agree'd (and I'm happy the topic is off me again =D) ... people inside the circle get the special treatment... those at the edge of the circle (but whom I know are there) probably get the worst of it, while those random strangers who just happen to come into proximity of the circle/bubble get a nod, a smile, maybe a comment or two about the weather or the car.

    I think the worst of the issue is that having been transplanted again, I don't have any inner circle people left (at least, living close enough to ever see them; can still talk online), and it's not all that easy for INFJs to meet new ones. Somehow, for the time being, I have to be entirely self-powered (hence the question.)
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #19
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    -Being understood, or people evidently making efforts in that direction
    -Being appreciated...ditto ditto
    -Having people in my life who I feel I can truly understand and appreciate
    -Culture - which can be anything from dropping into an art gallery, to a poetry reading, to a tiny sweaty gig in a tiny club, to a giant cosmic gig in the world's biggest stadium
    -Having a moral purpose in life
    -Clicking with someone new, or someone you've never known that well and finally do - that wonderful moment of recognition and excitement

    To name a few...
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    I DOORSLAMMING

  10. #20
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ItsAGuy View Post
    ...
    I think the worst of the issue is that having been transplanted again, I don't have any inner circle people left (at least, living close enough to ever see them; can still talk online), and it's not all that easy for INFJs to meet new ones. Somehow, for the time being, I have to be entirely self-powered (hence the question.)
    When I was an exchange student in Finland (which is generaly filled with very reserved people) it wasnt for a month or two before I made any friends, and not until 7-8 months later that I developed any deep connections. Funny thing, though, is that I have more friends over there than here in the States. Maybe people there could relate to my dour mood better than the people here
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

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