[ENFP] The basic ENFP dilemma

[tortoise]

I think the basic ENFP dilemma and cause of stress is this. We are driven to interact with people -- always fascinated by people and want to get to know them deeper ... BUT ... we have an inner life that only a handful of people 'get'. We've learnt (probably from childhood) that if we express everything we think and feel, we'll be rejected for being way too weird, intense or out-there so we learn to guard our innermost thoughts and feelings. We want to share and connect at that deep level -- it's a very fundamental need -- but we keep the lid on it because we know that most people can't handle our intensity and the almost psychic insights we come up with.

So, we have hundreds of surface level friends who think we're charming, happy , fun and loving, but we feel lonely because there are so few people (if any) who *really* get us.

We are good at making others feel good, but it's hard for others to make us feel good because only that very deep connection is enough to make us feel good and less alone.

 

[Amargith]

Agreed. That's why I collect NTJs.

 

[Lady_X]

Its true yes. I wonder if e4 have an easier time being expressive than e7.

 

[Wonkavision]

I agree with the OP.

We are good at making others feel good, but it's hard for others to make us feel good because only that very deep connection is enough to make us feel good and less alone.

Personally, I can't imagine having that deep connection with anyone but another NFP.

But apparently others (like Satine) have found it with other types.

 

[thescientist]

Personally, I can't imagine having that deep connection with anyone but another NFP.

But apparently others (like Satine) have found it with other types.

You have obviously never gotten to know a hot female INTJ.

 

[Lady_X]

It does kinda feel that way wonka even if I hate the whole idea of it.

 

[Lady_X]

Wonka..is your wife an enneagram 4 ?

 

[animenagai]

Good posting!

Yeah I know, lol I therefore sound like the whiniest bitch on the planet . "People don't get me, they only think they get me!' I wonder if I just need to open up some times. Mind you, 'getting me' probably requires at least some philosophy talk, and that can kill friendships with boredom alone!

 

[tortoise]

Boring?! Philosophy isn't boring!!

 

[Lady_X]

yeah i don't really know anyone that finds philosophy boring.

 

[twinkiesmom]

My friendships with female ENFPs (two over a lifetime) have been really significant...We understand each other better than anyone else. We intuit together...her more Ne and me more Ni, but I suspect some Ne is going on on my part as I am forced out of my shell (in an invigorating, not a draining way). She calls me out on being too harsh with other people, and I call her out on her lack of J in the workplace. It just feels like perfection.

 

[tortoise]

You have obviously never gotten to know a hot female INTJ.

Geek girls and female librarians are irresistible.

 

[animenagai]

Boring?! Philosophy isn't boring!!

yeah i don't really know anyone that finds philosophy boring.

You guys CLEARLY haven't talked to enough S's then

 

[angelhair45]

You guys CLEARLY haven't talked to enough S's then

Sadly most people I know don't want to talk philosophy. Most S's I've known don't necessarily find it boring, but pointless.

 

[Vamp]

Yeah, in school everyone I knew could not handle humanities or philosophy class at all and would just fall asleep. They'd never be able to grasp the concept of meditation, either for some reason.

 

[Devil Flamingo]

lolo, is liking philosophy an ENFP phenomenon?

When I first read Kant I put a little heart around his name, because I'm gay like that. But seriously though, at first I was like, "IDG DIS SHIIIT, BUT I LIEK IT! DIS IS DEEEP, MANNN!" and my friends were like "..." It took me a couple more re-read to get him, but apparently I must have done something right in my essay because I applied Kantian philosophy to this one world issue thing and got a fucking A!

Any bitches read Sophie's World? Love that shiiit.

I have to say though, a lot of the time philosophy makes me go "ugh" usually when it's a philosopher that I disagree with or don't care about what he/she is sayin'. XD My schedule this year is fucked, though, so no more Phil courses for me but whatever, I still got my copy of Sophie's World.

...Also, I know things like this are tmi, but has any ENFP out there felt like sexxin' someone's mind/brain? >> I swear my first philosophy prof was not hot but he was so charming and smrt I was like LET'S HAVE BRAINSEX NOW PLZ.

/rant

Anyways, I agree 100% with what the OP said.

 

[Vamp]

lol brain sex. When I first read Marcus Aurelius I wanted to name my first child Aurelius/Aurelio/Aurelia. I was like "u guiz dis philosophy is so cool!" and they were like "lol, wut. it's pointless". I was so sad.

 

[Lady_X]

yes to brain sex! haha! and we's some potty mouth talkin fools...it cracks me up! i just noticed that...haha

 

[KDude]

yeah i don't really know anyone that finds philosophy boring.

I know enough. Discounting some interesting people with homespun type of wisdom (cool too, but that's more lived, not discussed), many just "be". Or do talk about stuff, but just state things and move on. Some have even plainly told me "You think too much." If not that, unintentionally make me feel stupid with their "Uh huhs" and "Yeahs" when I open up.. not even acknowledging what I say with a look in my direction. I'm starting to see now how much of a twitch I've developed over the years from it.. and why I've tried my best to shut up and play along. God forbid that I "think too much". The human mind is meant for other things, apparently.

"Playing along" doesn't work for long though. Instead of making the best of it all the time, I just pull back. If I can't be myself, then I'll be myself alone. With my magical friends!!! (j/k.. It's probably somewhat true though. I end up getting a lot out of reflection, ideas, fiction, etc.. by myself. And if I have magical friends, it's people on the internet. ).

Anyways, I don't know how to turn on the extroversion enough and connect like you all do. I'm still optimistic about people, but choose to not hold myself back in the same way.. I just stay away period. That's an introvert for ya, I guess (It's still a bummer if ENFPs feel they can't be themselves though. It's the same problem either way.).

Oh...And if I'm ISFP, I still feel the same way. I'm not sure why I wouldn't. When I came to this site, I thought maybe they were interpretive types that were looked from different angles and for meaning. That's what the artistic mindset is.. philosophical. Not here though. It's all the same stuff that doesn't stimulate me in the outside world. Hotdogs and swimsuit calandars or something. And if I want to talk about family issues or childhood abuse (let alone philosophy), I get smug optimism. "SPs are not sad like that!" Way to dumb down things. Anyways, I'll commit to some solidarity with NFs then. I might as well be one.

 

[tortoise]

Brain sex? WTF? When I take my books back to the library, I'm looking at those hot geeky librarian INTJ chicks and wanting real sex ... in that back room over there. Sweeping aside all the tattered old books being rounded up for the stacks and going for it. Like as hinted at in the bookshop scene in the Big Sleep.

Better stop writing right now!!!

Yeah, we talk a load of bollocks sometimes innit.