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  1. #41
    Senior Member Vamp's Avatar
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    I also have little patience for meaningless small talk. I met a guy I think is INXP that feels the same. We live states apart, tho.

    I used to think I was just being unsociable but I realize now I crave deep thoughts. Not necessarily text book philosophy but an interesting, unorthodox conversation at least. The lost art of conversation. Stream of consciousness talking.
    George Bernard Shaw in cartoon form.

  2. #42
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    Wonka..is your wife an enneagram 4 ?
    Yep.
    __________________


    I'M OUTTA HERE.

    IT'S BEEN FUN.

    TAKE CARE.

    PEACE OUT!!!


  3. #43
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wonkavision View Post
    Yep.
    cool...so i bet her lil interior world is endlessly fascinating for your 7 self...is she better at being emotionally expressive than you? her being dom fi and 4? just curious...sorry if i'm prying...
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #44
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Sytpg, I know what you mean. I have, in reference to myself, used this phrase, "One of the foibles of getting older is that I have an increasingly minimal patience for bullshit." With every passing year, I have increasingly less tolerance for ephemeral social niceties that waste my time.

    And, tortoise, I loved your OP. I COMPLETELY feel lonely... longing for someone that I can pour my heart out to. Someone who gets the REAL me. Such persons are very few and far between. But as I look back over my life, some definite patterns start to emerge.

    In terms of my friends and loved ones lessening my own loneliness, certain types are a better fit for me than others. (especially Ns over Ss.) INFPs have always been my closest friends. I'm in my late thirties, and in my 20 or so years of adulthood, I've always had an INFP BFF. I feel like I can let my guard down and be myself around them. I think of my current INFP BFF. She and I are inseparable. I can reveal to her my innermost self... and she gets it. Ohhhh. I adore her so much.

    And in the romantic relationships department, I've also noticed very definite patterns. INTJs & INFJs (same dominant function in the reverse directions, viz., they have Ni dominance and I have Ne dominance) and ISTPs (my Socionics duals) have been the most significant romantic relationships in my life. And I think one of the reasons that I have chosen these men is that they get me. They are able to fill the void I so much want to be filled... They are able to *really* get me.

    I really love this thread. And I appreciate a lot of the funny banter on here, but it also saddens me a bit because I think this is a very important issue for ENFPs. I think it drives a lot of our behavior. So I'd love to hear some serious and insightful thoughts from other ENFPs on this subject.
    Yep, INFJ/INTJ girls are the ones I am definitely attracted to instinctively. They're the ones that get my heart beating faster. There's something about them ... however I married an INFP, who gets me more than anyone else on this planet, but an INFP/ENFP marriage is a BAD IDEA.

  5. #45
    Senior Member Vamp's Avatar
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    Almost every ENFP in this thread has changed their avatar within the last week. What does that mean?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    I can relate to the OP somewhat yeah.


    My problem seems to be though, that unlike other ENFPs, I have very little patience for superficial interaction. I'm blunt in showing the inside part that ENFPs are afraid to show...and because I do it in a passionate, aggressive way....lol, yeah people don't respond to that in the nicest way sometimes.

    So ENFPs, if you want proof of how uncool it is to reveal depth in normal interaction....here I am
    I do both of those things (I mentioned my hatred of small talk before). When some shows a causal interest in something I like I go from 0 to insane in less than a second. I also accidentally get too personal too early. ....leads to alienation and being known as a "crazy bitch".
    George Bernard Shaw in cartoon form.

  6. #46
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
    When some shows a causal interest in something I like I go from 0 to insane in less than a second. I also accidentally get too personal too early. ....leads to alienation and being known as a "crazy bitch".
    Yep. Same. Argh. I freak people out when I do that.

  7. #47
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    If I'm at a party and I meet someone who I have a bit of a connection with, I tend to try to monopolise them and find out just how deep the connection goes. It comes across as intense and I try to stop doing it. Intensity drives most people away.

    I hate having to hold it all in ... but I've learnt that people are mostly only comfortable with building a connection bit by bit, over time. If I really want to get to know people (one of the main drivers in my life) then I have to be patient so as to not scare them off.

  8. #48
    Senior Member Vamp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tortoise View Post
    If I'm at a party and I meet someone who I have a bit of a connection with, I tend to try to monopolise them and find out just how deep the connection goes. It comes across as intense and I try to stop doing it. Intensity drives most people away.

    I hate having to hold it all in ... but I've learnt that people are mostly only comfortable with building a connection bit by bit, over time. If I really want to get to know people (one of the main drivers in my life) then I have to be patient so as to not scare them off.
    If I meet someone I have a connection with I keep aloof. It makes them come to you if they're at all interested and it prevents setting yourself up for failure by having high hopes on a perceived connection. If they're interested in you they'll seek you out, that would make the connection real instead of just perceived by one party.

    I hate having to hold it all in too but I've gotten better at being solitary and investing my happiness in finding others like me in that I don't do it as much. I still have flights of fancy and longing (because I am lonely for a real connection, it actually interfered with my school and work) but I offset it with a
    George Bernard Shaw in cartoon form.

  9. #49
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Sytpg, I know what you mean. I have, in reference to myself, used this phrase, "One of the foibles of getting older is that I have an increasingly minimal patience for bullshit." With every passing year, I have increasingly less tolerance for ephemeral social niceties that waste my time.

    And, tortoise, I loved your OP. I COMPLETELY feel lonely... longing for someone that I can pour my heart out to. Someone who gets the REAL me. Such persons are very few and far between. But as I look back over my life, some definite patterns start to emerge.

    In terms of my friends and loved ones lessening my own loneliness, certain types are a better fit for me than others. (especially Ns over Ss.) INFPs have always been my closest friends. I'm in my late thirties, and in my 20 or so years of adulthood, I've always had an INFP BFF. I feel like I can let my guard down and be myself around them. I think of my current INFP BFF. She and I are inseparable. I can reveal to her my innermost self... and she gets it. Ohhhh. I adore her so much.

    And in the romantic relationships department, I've also noticed very definite patterns. INTJs & INFJs (same dominant function in the reverse directions, viz., they have Ni dominance and I have Ne dominance) and ISTPs (my Socionics duals) have been the most significant romantic relationships in my life. And I think one of the reasons that I have chosen these men is that they get me. They are able to fill the void I so much want to be filled... They are able to *really* get me.

    I really love this thread. And I appreciate a lot of the funny banter on here, but it also saddens me a bit because I think this is a very important issue for ENFPs. I think it drives a lot of our behavior. So I'd love to hear some serious and insightful thoughts from other ENFPs on this subject.
    For me, the issue at the heart of this thread is totally the real issue with being ENFP, as opposed to the weaknesses we're all so aware of. The stuff about schedules, deadlines, tax forms, remembering the milk etc., well, those are a matter of training and maturity -- realising that do have to meet others' reasonable expectations and finding strategies to deal with those things. It's relatively surface-level, although the feelings of resentment and annoyance about schedules etc. and anger at a world that seems to only care about these things when there are millions starving and oppressed, can go quite deep.

    No, the dilemma of getting our energy from our interactions, and the need for those interactions, and the frequent disappointment that those interactions don't go far enough because you have to keep stuff hidden so as not to scare people off ... that to me is the REAL problem because it seems like something that can't be dealt with just by strengthening Te or whatever.

  10. #50
    Senior Member Goosebump's Avatar
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    I find myself listening to my ENFP friend more than she does. She's usually amazed by how well I know her and considers me a good friend because I remember what she said to me. She has many friends on facebook but she told me she would do the "monthly clean-up", which she deleted friends that she thinks are just on superficial level or has no real connection. At first I thought she was cocky for doing that, but I guess an ENFP would rather have friends who are close to them than many acquaintances.

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