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  1. #1
    Senior Member chippinchunk's Avatar
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    Default INFJ and Compliments

    Recently I just discovered that I am a "downer". This was actually said by my friend's mom. And when she explained this to me I was strangely happy.

    After this she thought I was crazy. Apparently, when someone gives me a compliment my reaction to it is...disturbed, at least that's what it seems like from her point of view. But when someone gives me something like, "Brittaney, my mom says your such a downer." I'm extremely happy about it.

    I’ve never really seen myself as a optimistic person, if anything everyone sees me on the pessimistic sides of things. And I'm starting to completely agree.

    Anyone else on my boat? How are other INFJ’s with compliments

  2. #2
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    i LOVE compliments, although i try not to react to them that way. it's uncomfortable, since i always imagine how each potential reaction i could have would look to people.

    i also like certain non-compliments, too, if i decide that they're really compliments after all. for example, my boss once said to me "for someone so intelligent, you don't speak eloquently at all." i took that as a compliment because it meant my boss saw past my choice of words to my underlying mental capacity.

    in short, i think i just really like attention. (but i pretend like i don't)

    i probably wouldn't think of "you're such a downer" as a compliment, though.

  3. #3
    Enigma Nadir's Avatar
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    I am borderline J/P with a bit more prevalent J tendencies...

    I can and most of the time do readily compliment others with sincerity if I do feel them worthy of it or if I feel like being nice to them.
    When I'm on the receiving end of compliments it's different. I used to internally shun compliments and feel very uncomfortable when receiving them. I think this was sort of due to my i) personal idiosyncracies ii) low self-esteem, however, I've been changing, improving this stance, especially because I've managed to go through one of those internal questioning processes which mainly start off by asking "So why do I do that?" So nowadays I'm appreciative and grateful of compliments and quick to thank the complimenter and/or respond with a compliment of my own.
    Not really.

  4. #4
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    I have a male INFJ friend who doesn't give many compliments and he doesn't really respond to compliments. He sees himself as a "downer," but inside I know that he is really an idealist. I'm not sure why he doesn't respond to compliments because he is the "feeler" and I am the "thinker." Or is it perhaps an I thingy?? I know he must be listening because he sometimes brings up things that I have said much later...so I'm wondering if it is because he if fairly introverted?

  5. #5
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    I've been trying to be "behind the scenes" sort of analyzing my girlfriend who is an INFJ on this very subject. She seems very content in her quasi-downer mode (something I find intriguing but would never let on to). She really doesn't take compliments too well, but recently, and I don't know if it is just life changes or whatever, she's been giving out some very nice, seemingly heart felt compliments which have both caught me off guard and made me smile. I will have to see how it pans out, but it is definitely something I am curious about.

  6. #6
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chippinchunk View Post
    Recently I just discovered that I am a "downer". This was actually said by my friend's mom. And when she explained this to me I was strangely happy.

    After this she thought I was crazy. Apparently, when someone gives me a compliment my reaction to it is...disturbed, at least that's what it seems like from her point of view. But when someone gives me something like, "Brittaney, my mom says your such a downer." I'm extremely happy about it.
    Edit: What was I wanting to say yesterday?

    Oh I dislike people who gush compliments. I do not trust those at all... it makes me look for hidden intents. I prefer more realistic comments... suppose I'm pessimistic. I do like simply put words of praise though. Mention it and leave it at that.

    I rarely give out compliments to people. Even when I do, they're very brief. But if I've said something, I meant every word.
    Last edited by nightning; 01-20-2008 at 01:19 PM. Reason: Forum cut off message :angry:

  7. #7
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chippinchunk View Post
    Recently I just discovered that I am a "downer". This was actually said by my friend's mom. And when she explained this to me I was strangely happy.

    After this she thought I was crazy. Apparently, when someone gives me a compliment my reaction to it is...disturbed, at least that's what it seems like from her point of view. But when someone gives me something like, "Brittaney, my mom says your such a downer." I'm extremely happy about it.

    I’ve never really seen myself as a optimistic person, if anything everyone sees me on the pessimistic sides of things. And I'm starting to completely agree.

    Anyone else on my boat? How are other INFJ’s with compliments
    I've never really reacted badly to compliments. I usually assume people just say them to be nice, so I don't really think about it. I feel cared about if I think it's sincere.

    But I am seen as a pessimist. I always see how things could go wrong and everything, but that doesn't mean I don't still hope for the best. I basically believe in preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.

  8. #8
    Senior Member tovlo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nadir View Post
    I am borderline J/P with a bit more prevalent J tendencies...

    I can and most of the time do readily compliment others with sincerity if I do feel them worthy of it or if I feel like being nice to them.
    When I'm on the receiving end of compliments it's different. I used to internally shun compliments and feel very uncomfortable when receiving them. I think this was sort of due to my i) personal idiosyncracies ii) low self-esteem, however, I've been changing, improving this stance, especially because I've managed to go through one of those internal questioning processes which mainly start off by asking "So why do I do that?" So nowadays I'm appreciative and grateful of compliments and quick to thank the complimenter and/or respond with a compliment of my own.
    Sounds like me.

    I'm quick to compliment if I feel admiration for something in someone. I enjoy very much receiving compliments, but I do think that I can seem somewhat awkward externally in the receiving. I am afraid of taking compliments in too deeply and losing touch with my deficiencies. Somehow it's important to always keep my faults firmly in my mind.
    "We don't see things as they are,
    we see things as we are."
    ...Anais Nin

  9. #9
    Rubber Nipple Salesperson ladypinkington's Avatar
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    When people give me a compliment I like to say Oh Start,lol. Because that is what Oh Stop really means, it means What, Me, Oh Keep Going,lol. I love compliments and praise- I live on it. If my husband wants to train me into a good habit he'll praise me everytime I do it and it just feeds me man,lol, and it works- I'll get into that habit no problem if there is lots of praise involved,lol.

    Words of Affirmation is my love language, and I really feel loved if I am verbally shown recognition and appreciation and compliments and praise show that to me.

    Now if it is a fake compliment and I sense someone is just trying to manipulate me then it will just piss me off royally,lol.

    The worst are the back handed compliments that friend-emies and in-laws typically make. I just want to smack people when they do that crap. Maybe now that I'm pregnant I will,lol.
    Me and hubby made an RPG Nutrition Game
    Play and Vote July 14th to Aug 14th
    http://www.appsforhealthykids.com/ap...ing-vegetables

  10. #10
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    I enjoy giving compliments, especially if it I sense that it will encourage the person to try harder. When someone gives me a sincere compliment, I really like that, (except then my whole face goes red, lol).

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