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  1. #11
    Senior Member JustDave's Avatar
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    When receiving a compliment I can't help but feel the one giving me a compliment is doing so for nefarious or superficial reasons. Unless it is someone I know well. In that case I gladly receive the compliment.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustDave View Post
    When receiving a compliment I can't help but feel the one giving me a compliment is doing so for nefarious or superficial reasons. Unless it is someone I know well. In that case I gladly receive the compliment.
    Why do you think that is?

  3. #13
    Member ferrisbueller's Avatar
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    I was actually just talking about this with my INFJ girlfriend last night. She very rarely gives compliments, and tends not to receive them very well either. However, she swears that she likes to be complimented. She seems to be making an extra effort to compliment me since she knows that I sort of feed on positive reinforcement. I think what a lot of you INFJs say about doubting the sincerity of compliments is true for her, and as for giving them, I feel like she doesn't view her emotions as being permanent enough to express them positively. You INFJ's are certainly fascinating people .

  4. #14
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Actually I like getting compliments!! I wouldn't say I'm averse to them at all - quite the opposite, probably. I find I need, and really respond to, a fair amount of affirmation, positive feedback, and encouragement.

    But I've been thinking about this, and...here's what my analysis has come up with : If I already view a certain trait or skill or feature of mine in a favorable light, then I will really warm up to people complimenting me about those things. But if they compliment me on something that I'm pretty critical about regarding myself, I may have a harder time believing them. Or I might believe them..I just can't warm up to it immediately. Say I did a painting and I wasn't *personally* pleased with the results, and someone else said, 'That's great!' - I'd probably have a reaction like, 'Really??!!!?? Eh, I dunno...', simply because *I'm* not crazy about it myself. Or if I'm feeling particularly unattractive one day, and someone would say, 'Oh, you look great!' - I'd have more of a shrug-my-shoulders-mopey reaction and give a sheepish 'Thanks', just because I think I look ridiculously bad and so I can't understand how the other person could possibly be telling the truth. Not that it doesn't make me feel good on some level in the latter scenario, but there's probably a difference in the manner of my reaction.

    As for giving compliments...well, when I give them, I genuinely mean them, otherwise I wouldn't say anything if it wasn't genuine. I don't know though if I give more than your average person, or if I'm more minimal with them. Haven't thought about it before.
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  5. #15
    Senior Member JustDave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by armstrongvk12 View Post
    Why do you think that is?
    Becuase I'm extremely paranoid and un-trusting???

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustDave View Post
    Becuase I'm extremely paranoid and un-trusting???
    But why are you untrusting and paranoid?

  7. #17
    Senior Member JustDave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by armstrongvk12 View Post
    But why are you untrusting and paranoid?
    Because when I make friends, it's for life. So I approach people very cautiously and never take what they say seriosuly until I am certain they are sincere.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustDave View Post
    Because when I make friends, it's for life. So I approach people very cautiously and never take what they say seriosuly until I am certain they are sincere.
    Ah....now I understand. This makes complete sense to me. I have noticed that other NFs seem react similarly. Although I am an NT, I am usually cautious as well. But sometimes...it is hard to judge the other person's sincerity.

  9. #19
    Senior Member JustDave's Avatar
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    Absolutely.

    Thankfully I have not been betrayed by a trusted friend. I cannot image how paranoid I would become if that were to happen.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustDave View Post
    Absolutely.

    Thankfully I have not been betrayed by a trusted friend. I cannot image how paranoid I would become if that were to happen.
    Yes, I know how that feels and it is hard to trust people again. I've been betrayed a couple of times by men that were trusted friends and it's no fun. Don't want to wish that on anyone.

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