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Thread: Dear INFJs

  1. #21
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    Glad to hear that this thread has been helpful to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by burymecloser View Post
    This caught my attention, definitely seems familiar. Can others identify with that sentiment as well?
    While I can agree with that there is a constant "battle" between emotional states with me, I can't really say that I identify with either of the options Vasilisa mentioned. Being angry or hurt is not something that I come across regularly. I would say that mine would be more like toggling between being happy and depressed/out of balance somehow which goes along the same vein actually. Achieving and maintaining balance is something I strive for in everything really.

  2. #22
    Junior Member melissa27's Avatar
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    ei Are you passive-aggressive? When you're upset with someone close to you, but with whom you don't necessarily have regular contact, are you likely to tell them what's bothering you?

    Sometimes I can be passive aggressive, but if it is someone I am close with, I am more likely to distance myself from them and sort out my feelings on what may be upsetting me. Oftentimes I find that another person's behavior isn't really personal and they are just going through their own stuff & living in their own worlds. If I do think something that was done or said was personal and it upset me, I prefer to talk to them about it over passive-aggressiveness if it is someone who I am close with and care about.


    If you think someone is upset with you, how do you usually react? Would you initiate contact to ask what (if anything) is wrong, or wait for the other party to come to you if there's a problem? How often do you assume there's a problem but it turns out to be nothing?

    If I think someone is upset with me and I care about them and the relationship, absolutely I would initiate contact unless they gave me some indication that they need space from me. If I presume there to be a problem, there usually is.

    If you were to abruptly stop corresponding with someone, what would be the most likely reason(s) for that?

    Betrayal, abuse

    Which bothers you more, people who are too clingy and personal or people who are too detached and indifferent?

    The clingy/personal person probably bothers me a little more. However, I can deal with it as long as they give me my space and don't have these crazy expectations of me and the relationship. One friend that I had was like this and I couldn't take it anymore, nothing I did for her, no amount of communication or love or support or emails or talking was enough. It was exhausting. Unfortunately I waiting too long to say anything and it ended up being this big blow-up and she cut me off. Not fun or funny. On the other hand, I can be pretty detached myself so I don't really hit it off with people who are too detached themselves, it's hard to get the communication ball rolling.

    If someone accidentally did something to upset you, what would be a good way for the person to make amends?

    Well I can say what doesn't work is invalidating me, minimizing what was done, denial, patronizing, making me out to be too emotional or sensitive..a simple, sincere apology for what was done really goes a long way with me.
    Last edited by melissa27; 09-25-2010 at 08:39 AM.

  3. #23
    meat popsicle r.a's Avatar
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    Are you passive-aggressive? When you're upset with someone close to you, but with whom you don't necessarily have regular contact, are you likely to tell them what's bothering you?

    i do have passive agressive tendencies. when i go all out aggressive i can be pretty intense, so usually i am keeping myself in check. telling people what bothers me depends just how close they are to me, and what the situation is.

    If you think someone is upset with you, how do you usually react? Would you initiate contact to ask what (if anything) is wrong, or wait for the other party to come to you if there's a problem? How often do you assume there's a problem but it turns out to be nothing?

    these days i ask more often, since ive wasted a lot of time waiting on people in the past. i tend to make more assumptions that things arent cool, though, so sometimes i am holding back because i am aware that i may be completely wrong and i don't want to make a fuss about nothing.

    If you were to abruptly stop corresponding with someone, what would be the most likely reason(s) for that?

    either they insulted my intelligence trying to manipulate me, or they outright lied, or they assumed i was something or a certain way when i am indeed not. those are cases where i know the person and am close.

    most people i meet that i dont have a direct interest and/or professional relationship with just get cut off cause it would be pointless to string them along. i tolerate few people in the end.

    Which bothers you more, people who are too clingy and personal or people who are too detached and indifferent?

    sometimes people are so clingy they suffocate the holy christ out of me. detached people i can handle.

    If someone accidentally did something to upset you, what would be a good way for the person to make amends?

    leave me alone, at least for a while if you are a friend or co-worker. then, show understanding of what you did wrong. i'll get over it as long as it isn't a repeating offense.
    "All authority of any kind, especially in the field of thought and understanding, is destructive and evil. Leaders destroy the followers and the followers destroy the leaders. You have to be your own teacher and your own disciple. You have to question everything that man has accepted as valuable, as necessary."
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    J.Krishnamurti

  4. #24
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    Are you passive-aggressive? When you're upset with someone close to you, but with whom you don't necessarily have regular contact, are you likely to tell them what's bothering you?

    yes i will tell a friend right strait and not beat around the bush, if it is good possibility that they are headed to a very bad situation. if they are disrespectful, i take them aside and give them a ear full of what Im feeling about whats been going on and demand an explanation.


    If you think someone is upset with you, how do you usually react? Would you initiate contact to ask what (if anything) is wrong, or wait for the other party to come to you if there's a problem? How often do you assume there's a problem but it turns out to be nothing?


    i try and give opportunities, where there are not many people around. if nothing comes from this then i give them time to think and reflect so they can come to me in their own time. but i consider what i may have done during that time as well.


    If you were to abruptly stop corresponding with someone, what would be the most likely reason(s) for that?


    life has happened and im sorry.



    Which bothers you more, people who are too clingy and personal or people who are too detached and indifferent?[/QUOTE]

    people who willingly are as#ho#$s, not just to me.


    If someone accidentally did something to upset you, what would be a good way for the person to make amends?[/QUOTE]
    request me on facebook again, after I unfriended you with a sad remorseful face on your profile and say you were a jerk if you were one so everyone can read it. offer to do something for me if i need help with something.


    fetch my slippers!

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