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  1. #1
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Default Male and female [E/I]NFP

    Hmmmm ... been reading through some threads about relationships and sexiness and attraction ...

    I've often felt I'm in the 'nice guy' friend zone with women I've liked, except for women who've had their shit together less than I have mine.

    The result -- the women I like see me as a cute cuddly puppy, whereas the women who are attracted to me are usually more screwed up than me.

    It's not very PC but it seems that a lot of women are attracted to men who are stronger or more mature or more stable than they are -- they are looking for strength and stability in a man, and that's attractive.

    The result is that the man is more likely to be end up in the dominant role in the relationship, even if he doesn't feel comfortable with that role if he is an NFP type. And it's a big responsibility.

    It's often said (non-PC but seems to be true) that women feel more attracted to a man who takes the lead. She can choose not to follow but she needs there to be a lead that allows her that choice. Again, not a position that an NFP would necessarily feel comfortable in.

    This is probably not new to a lot of you guys but it has suddenly struck me -- as there seems to be a biological/evolutionary need in a woman for a stronger, more together man, that means that an awful lot of men are going to be in the position of mainly being attractive only to women who are less together than they are.

    Don't know where this is going ... over to you guys now!

  2. #2
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    I'm pondering all this because I've come through a failed marriage and a failed subsequent relationship and I want to eventually meet someone new and for it to work out better. I'm trying to get a better (intuitive, not intellectual) understanding of attraction so that I can make it work out better for me in future.

  3. #3
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah i think you should expand your view a bit and realize that everyone has their particular strengths and fuck a bunch of gender specific assigned roles...really...what good does that do if it's not fitting...you are a guy and i'm sure in your way you are very strong and protective...you may not like to lead or control things but you have a strength of character...maybe you are a fantastic communicator...maybe you really know how to love a woman...whatever it is.. it is yours and the only point to any of it is to find someone who sees it in you and feels it's a perfect compliment to her strengths...screw everything else....really.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #4
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    yeah i think you should expand your view a bit and realize that everyone has their particular strengths and and fuck a bunch of gender specific assigned roles...really...what good does that do if it's not fitting...you are a guy and i'm sure in your way you are very strong and protective...you may not like to lead or control things but you have a strength of character...maybe you are a fantastic communicator...maybe you really know how to love a woman...whatever it is it is yours and the only point to any of it is to find someone who sees it in you and feels it's a perfect compliment to her strengths...screw everything else....really.
    It's interesting you should say that ... way way back when I was younger, I used to reject gender specific roles completely. I had that totally expanded view. But as I've grown older, I've noticed that the old fashioned gender specific stuff seems to have some truth to it, even though I don't like the fact that it does!

    I am wondering that if I am to have more successful future relationships, I need to conform more to the traditional stereotypical male role. It's not something I've done in the past, and look where it's got me!

  5. #5
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    successful as in how? maybe you ought to define success by being you and it working beautifully with someone else who was being totally them...serious..i'm not saying be lazy... meet someone who's better at certain things than you are...find a j or any other such nonsense...you should totally work at being all the things you want to be all by yourself...but learn your way of doing those things...do it your way and don't try to be someone else or fit some role....it's not you...it will be like playing a part and you will loose yourself....just find someone who likes the way you are and continue to work on the things you need to work on...know what i mean?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #6
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    It just seems that guys who are more comfortable with leading/dominating, seem to do better, in terms of every aspect of their lives, whether it be their work or their relationships. They certainly seem to attract more women, and therefore have more choice or more options when it comes to choosing who they want to be in a relationship with. I just don't seem to have many options at the moment as I seem to be attracting only women who seem to have major problems in their lives.

  7. #7
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i don't know...my dad was an enfp and people were crazy about him...maybe you've just lost a bit of confidence due to the issues you've recently dealt with...maybe you're not feelin great about who you are and that's what's going on here...enfp pride man...don't ya know?! you gots to own that shit! haha!!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #8
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    successful as in how? maybe you ought to define success by being you and it working beautifully with someone else who was being totally them...serious..i'm not saying be lazy... meet someone who's better at certain things than you are...find a j or any other such nonsense...you should totally work at being all the things you want to be all by yourself...but learn your way of doing those things...do it your way and don't try to be someone else or fit some role....it's not you...it will be like playing a part and you will loose yourself....just find someone who likes the way you are and continue to work on the things you need to work on...know what i mean?
    Our posts crossed. I like what you're saying.

  9. #9
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i don't know...my dad was an enfp and people were crazy about him...maybe you've just lost a bit of confidence due to the issues you've recently dealt with...maybe you're not feelin great about who you are and that's what's going on here...enfp pride man...don't ya know?! you gots to own that shit! haha!!
    I like what you're saying

    ENFP PRIDE!

  10. #10
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah!!!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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