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  1. #1
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Smile ENFJs: specific differences btwn your "friendly" flirting and "actual" flirting

    Okay so I've recently, this past week or so, become interested in a coworker who I believe is an ENFJ. I've read a lot in past discussions about how ENFJ's "friendliness" is often misinterpreted for "flirting". IMO, he's obviously friendly to everyone (teases everyone, jokes with everyone, etc) but I think that I've noticed some subtle differences in how he interacts with me vs. these other people.

    So I was just wondering if you ENFJs could help me out, please.

    What do you do differently when you're actually interested in someone/ what is your real flirting like?
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

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    To me there is only friendly flirting.

    Unless I am convinced it destiny.. which has happened maybe 3 times in my life.. I wont approach you if I like you.

    If I like you, you'll know by how much Ignore you.. Like I have said before.. it's very counter productive

  3. #3
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Oh. Well that's discouraging

    *sigh* It's okay if it doesn't turn out to be more than that though, I'm not actively pursuing anything at this point (yet), I've just been being equally friendly & flirty, trying out this whole "go with the flow" concept that other people seem to be crazy about .
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  4. #4
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I like to be friendly with everyone, as you so deftly described, and I notice that my serious relationships develop from such interactions - and as I get to know you, the depth of my personal knowledge of you will actually cause me to tone WAY down and maybe even become shy and withdrawn and possibly physically run away like a big baby.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #5
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Thanks for replying!

    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    ...and maybe even become shy and withdrawn and possibly physically run away like a big baby.
    And so what should someone who is interested in you do when you withdraw? Keep pursuing or back off too until you decide not to be shy/withdrawn anymore?


    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Unless I am convinced it destiny.. which has happened maybe 3 times in my life...
    Out of curiosity, what did you do differently in those 3 situations?
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Okay so I've recently, this past week or so, become interested in a coworker who I believe is an ENFJ. I've read a lot in past discussions about how ENFJ's "friendliness" is often misinterpreted for "flirting". IMO, he's obviously friendly to everyone (teases everyone, jokes with everyone, etc) but I think that I've noticed some subtle differences in how he interacts with me vs. these other people.

    So I was just wondering if you ENFJs could help me out, please.

    What do you do differently when you're actually interested in someone/ what is your real flirting like?]
    Interestingly, w/ me, if things are going too well to be true than they probably are.

    I tend to banter & joke and tease if i really, really like you. And I tend to make banter more and more personal & specific, custom made, tailored for the individual and show off my perceptions of how well I "think" i get you to see reactions to tell if I "really" get you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Thanks for replying!



    And so what should someone who is interested in you do when you withdraw? Keep pursuing or back off too until you decide not to be shy/withdrawn anymore?



    Out of curiosity, what did you do differently in those 3 situations?
    I trusted my instincts and went for it.. 2 of the 3 were very intense and passionate and disastrous I hope they have prepared me better for time number 3 which is kind of not concluded yet or even really started

  8. #8
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    I shall be studying this thread. Do not mind me, I'll be in the corner and may occasionally ask a question.

  9. #9
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post
    Interestingly, w/ me, if things are going too well to be true than they probably are.

    I tend to banter & joke and tease if i really, really like you. And I tend to make banter more and more personal & specific, custom made, tailored for the individual and show off my perceptions of how well I "think" i get you to see reactions to tell if I "really" get you.
    That's definitely one of the things that I noticed him doing differently for me, as opposed to how he jokes with other people at work. With other people, his jokes/banter/etc is usually general (general work-related, general-pop culture reference related, general innuendo related) but basically what he says to one person he would easily say to anyone else at work.

    Whereas with me, it's a lot more personalized: he'll jokingly suggest something be "our song", or joke about our future "wedding", etc. Or if I playfully get mad at him for something, he'll talk about how he'll make it up to me and continues to bring it up that he "owe's" me something good. And I've never seen him banter like that (those subjects) with any other girl at work.


    Another question: how do you, ENFJs, use touching when interacting or flirting with other people?

    He fist-bumps and high fives everyone at work (incl. me), but I've never seen him actually touch anyone else -- except for me. He'll stand so close (like in my personal space), or poke me, or hold my hand (once), or purposely full-body bump into me. Does that just mean he considers me a better friend? I've only just met him.


    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    I trusted my instincts and went for it.. 2 of the 3 were very intense and passionate and disastrous I hope they have prepared me better for time number 3 which is kind of not concluded yet or even really started
    Sorry for asking so many questions (I just love details ), but how exactly did you just "go for it"? What kind of behaviors did you exhibit during this time?
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    That's definitely one of the things that I noticed him doing differently for me, as opposed to how he jokes with other people at work. With other people, his jokes/banter/etc is usually general (general work-related, general-pop culture reference related, general innuendo related) but basically what he says to one person he would easily say to anyone else at work.

    Whereas with me, it's a lot more personalized: he'll jokingly suggest something be "our song", or joke about our future "wedding", etc. Or if I playfully get mad at him for something, he'll talk about how he'll make it up to me and continues to bring it up that he "owe's" me something good. And I've never seen him banter like that (those subjects) with any other girl at work.


    Another question: how do you, ENFJs, use touching when interacting or flirting with other people?

    He fist-bumps and high fives everyone at work (incl. me), but I've never seen him actually touch anyone else -- except for me. He'll stand so close (like in my personal space), or poke me, or purposely full-body bump into me. Does that just mean he considers me a better friend? I've only just met him this month.



    Sorry for asking so many questions (I just love details ), but how exactly did you just "go for it"? What kind of behaviors did you exhibit during this time?
    This is probably going to disappoint you.
    But because I was so sure.. I just didn't worry about stuff in the same way I normally would.. I was confident. So really, my behavior was more genuine and real then it would be in most cases, in that I am very guarded, nothing is fake.. but I am choosy with what I am willing to show.
    SO I just went with it.. I did not fight it, I nurtured it. I reacted against my instincts but never more with them at the same time. Something else just kind of took over.
    I connected.. I can't explain it beyond that.

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