User Tag List

First 23456 Last

Results 31 to 40 of 51

  1. #31
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    3,278

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Oh, thank you for clarifying! Yes, he's the one who usually always initiates contact at work. And then I'm the one who always initiates contact via text.

    The only thing that confuses me about that is: why should he be concerned about being overbearing or impeding himself upon me, when it should be obvious to him that I like him? I mean, I don't think I've been necessarily subtle

    Could it possibly be something Arclight mentioned about ENFJs not being entirely confident about the fact someone likes them? I always thought NFs could "feel" or "sense" these things
    Only in everyone else.. In my case, I have a hard time seeing the feelings coming my way.. enough so, I am in counseling about it.

  2. #32
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    3w2
    Socionics
    EIE None
    Posts
    320

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    That's interesting. I think I understand what your getting at. If I'm really interested in someone, I tend to be a bit of a provocateur... all in a very friendly, funny kind of way. I want to see what they'll do if I push the envelope a little bit. You can learn a lot about a person from that kind of thing. Of course, there have been those moments that I've completely freaked out between my "demanding a reaction" kind of behavior and their impending reaction.
    Yes. This is pretty much a requirement in deeming whether I am flirting or not. Victims tend to describe it as though they feel on an intense psychological ropes course for lack of a better term. The more aggressive I am with my "assessment" the more interested I have been...Which means that some submission is required. I want to be able to project how an individual will react in as much of a variety of situations as possible.

    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Ugh! Did I mention already how I become socially impaired around any guy I flag as a potential soul mate? I've only flagged a guy a handful of times in my entire life, but each time I have multiple cascading mental meltdowns. It's a miracle that I've ever dated anyone ever.
    Fyi everyone, (other enfjs plz share your reactions to the following) I don't think I've *ever* become socially impaired around a guy I've flagged as potential. I can be perceived as shy, but that's usually bc I am watching, waiting & observing. If I am really interested after I've gathered in depth data ... I "pounce" or go in for the kill so to speak. Basically you just have to wait for me to "work" you until I'm satisfied and until I decide what I plan on.

    Oooh... Autumn I looove specifics and so am going to take a look @ urs on ur blog.

    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    One thing I'm confused about is that I'm always the one to initiate our texting conversations.
    Don't *ever* be worried that an enfj is allowing you to initiate. Its not a bad thing, and more often than not can be the enfj's own initiation of some kind of a "test". The important info lies in whether the enfj reciprocates. (ignoring or indifference=not affirming of feelings. Intensity, seemingly negative or positive... is good)

    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    he'll jokingly suggest something be "our song", or joke about our future "wedding", etc. Or if I playfully get mad at him for something, he'll talk about how he'll make it up to me and continues to bring it up that he "owe's" me something good.
    interesting... but be careful w/ ur heart Sounds like he is certainly interested in you but may be still in the assessment/ testing phase. How about some Guy ENFJs give us input on this one? I just think that if I did this is *should* be after commitments have been made to not give the guy the wrong idea. But for guys everythings different (har har) and he could possibly have the one intention of pulling you in closer w/ that wedding/song joking crap. As in he may not have really thought it all through and is testing your reaction to see how interested and in what way you are in him.

    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    how do you, ENFJs, use touching when interacting or flirting with other people?
    Pretty sure for us enfjs we feel fairly regularly as though we have a natural supply of the illicit drug Ecstasy being released in our brains. So again take it w/ a grain of salt. I as a chick enfj tend to refrain from any, all, or most touching bc it feels and means way too intense for common, everyday interactions. However, for a male enfj... I the same phenomena translates into the opposite effect, ie overly touchy.
    Male enfjs, feel free to interject.

  3. #33
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Oh, thank you for clarifying! Yes, he's the one who usually always initiates contact at work. And then I'm the one who always initiates contact via text.

    The only thing that confuses me about that is: why should he be concerned about being overbearing or impeding himself upon me, when it should be obvious to him that I like him? I mean, I don't think I've been necessarily subtle

    Could it possibly be something Arclight mentioned about ENFJs not being entirely confident about the fact someone likes them? I always thought NFs could "feel" or "sense" these things
    I'm pretty overbearing when I'm interested in someone, due to being over-excited about it. It can feel suffocating and like.. I want to know the other person so well and watch them prosper, but I might not be giving them their chance to chime in. I can't speak for all ENFJs here. Our Fe does kick in and we can't see if we're stepping on your toes when you're not right in front of us (aka work scenario).

    NFs, specifically ENFJs, do tend to be good at reading in like that. I think ENFJs are hesitant to say "Yes, this is the case" when something is directly related to them. This is one of those cases where we don't like to be wrong, especially if we're interested. I even find it difficult to admit that I like someone in certain cases, until someone else points it out.
    It's not acknowledging my own feelings, even if they are apparent, because of a situation I'm still feeling out.
    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post
    Fyi everyone, (other enfjs plz share your reactions to the following) I don't think I've *ever* become socially impaired around a guy I've flagged as potential. I can be perceived as shy, but that's usually bc I am watching, waiting & observing. If I am really interested after I've gathered in depth data ... I "pounce" or go in for the kill so to speak. Basically you just have to wait for me to "work" you until I'm satisfied and until I decide what I plan on.
    Definitely the same here. I'll likely take the prying side for a bit, until I delve into the more extraverted "Hey hai hey, I'm me. Sup?"
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  4. #34
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    eNFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    eNFJ Ni
    Posts
    11,443

    Default

    Autumn, he held your hand and is all up in your personal space? You are so IN.

    When I was getting "in" with my ENTP, I became more physical. Of course, they are themselves rather physical, but I was always wiggling free or passing things off in a joking matter while trying not to blush horribly. When I started initiating personal contact, like touching or rubbing his back, or *eh* putting my hands up the front of his shirt, I knew that I was really seriously besotted.

    I don't touch people in a casual manner -- I'll touch your arm or give you a hug or put my arm around you if I know you pretty well, sometimes tease a newcomer with a pat on the shoulder, but hands are SO personal, at least for me. I won't touch your hands unless we're very well acquainted.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #35
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    EnfJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    311

    Default real flirt= super sexy confident ENFJ



    What Domino said...I am blushing so leaving quickly
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

  6. #36
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    341

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Only in everyone else.. In my case, I have a hard time seeing the feelings coming my way..
    I can be the same way. It's like I can't quite trust my own intuition about myself, because my own hopes regarding the interaction bias my perception.

    Quote Originally Posted by Afkan View Post
    Don't *ever* be worried that an enfj is allowing you to initiate. Its not a bad thing, and more often than not can be the enfj's own initiation of some kind of a "test". The important info lies in whether the enfj reciprocates. (ignoring or indifference=not affirming of feelings. Intensity, seemingly negative or positive... is good)
    The communication initiation thing is true. I don't know about other female (or even male) ENFJs, but sometimes it's all I can do to stop myself from initiating some kind of contact, because it means more to me when he approaches me. My response is always very quick and positive (unless I'm not into him, in which case it's a different story entirely!).

    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    I don't touch people in a casual manner -- I'll touch your arm or give you a hug or put my arm around you if I know you pretty well, sometimes tease a newcomer with a pat on the shoulder, but hands are SO personal, at least for me. I won't touch your hands unless we're very well acquainted.
    I'm very affectionate but it does take some time or really, really positive intuitions to feel safe/comfortable holding someone's hand. I'm not particularly touchy-feely with people I know, although I will pat most friends on the shoulder, and hug all of them if they'll let me.

  7. #37
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    327

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    Autumn, he held your hand and is all up in your personal space? You are so IN.

    When I was getting "in" with my ENTP, I became more physical. Of course, they are themselves rather physical, but I was always wiggling free or passing things off in a joking matter while trying not to blush horribly. When I started initiating personal contact, like touching or rubbing his back, or *eh* putting my hands up the front of his shirt, I knew that I was really seriously besotted.

    I don't touch people in a casual manner -- I'll touch your arm or give you a hug or put my arm around you if I know you pretty well, sometimes tease a newcomer with a pat on the shoulder, but hands are SO personal, at least for me. I won't touch your hands unless we're very well acquainted.
    Yay, this makes me happy! He definitely has done all the physical descriptions you mentioned, with me. And like you said, I've noticed that he doesn't do any sort of touching with anyone else at work (other than the occasional fist-bump or high-five).'

    Anyways, I thought I should update you all on how it's going with the ENFJ: (I'll minimize the text for the TL;DR crowd )

    He came over to my place last Thursday night for a movie night, had his arm around me during the movie, then at one point asked if he could kiss me, then we kissed! I also basically asked him if he actually liked me (or if this was just a "tonight" thing) and he was surprised that I would even ask...I guess he thought it was obvious that he's liked me for awhile now. He obviously doesn't understand how confusing ENFJs are... He ended up spending the night (just kissing, laughing, cuddling/sleeping, and watching our movies).

    I'm not sure what to do now though ...he's been sick ever since then (this whole weekend plus yesterday -- he's had a horrible flu). And I'm not sure if he's going to ask me out because he hasn't yet and the whole weekend has passed... :confused: A good sign though, I guess is...even though he was really sick yesterday (as in throwing up all day + headache + sore throat, etc) he still said that he would pick me up from work and drive me home. Which is what he did and then we texted throughout that night.


    My ESFP best guy friend said that I should go ahead and ask him on Wed, if he'd want to have dinner sometime this week. My ESFJ best girl friend disagrees completely and thinks that I shouldn't be the pursuer/initiator and that if I did invite him to dinner it should be one with him + a bunch of my friends. So now I have no idea what to do :confused:

    Advice, ENFJs? or...anyone? It seems like in our conversations he's been leaving a lot of openings for me to ask him out, so it'd just be easier for me to do that. Maybe he's having doubts as to whether I really like him (since I didn't text or call him at all the entire weekend)? I always feel like I'm bothering him with texts since I'm always the initiator of them, which is why I refrained from doing it the weekend following our "amazing night" (his words). But, then again, he could've called me during that time and he didn't (apart from his message saying that the night was amazing).

    Do you think a male ENFJ would be turned off or think I'm being to pushy if I was the one to take the next step?


    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    The communication initiation thing is true. I don't know about other female (or even male) ENFJs, but sometimes it's all I can do to stop myself from initiating some kind of contact, because it means more to me when he approaches me. My response is always very quick and positive (unless I'm not into him, in which case it's a different story entirely!).
    Ah, that's good to know because he still very rarely texts me first. I always initiate the texts but he always replies back very quickly (like in less than a minute every time) and very positively. And also sometimes when I don't reply back, he'll send me another message as if he wants to keep the conversation going.

    I asked him on Thursday if all my texts bothered him and, again, he was really surprised that I would ask that -- and said that he loves it when I send him a text. But yet...I'm still the one always initiating that.

    On the other hand, I guess it kind of balances out because when we're hanging out in-person he's the one who always initiates things (touching, flirting, etc) and I'm the one who mainly just responds.
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  8. #38
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    7,835

    Default

    maybe this will go against ENFJ advice, but i feel like if you would like to ask him out, you should do it.

    out of curiosity, why does your friend think you shouldn't initiate?

    personally, i prefer give-and-take in a relationship. i mean, if you do initiate, then certainly you could leave the next move up to him, but i don't see any reason why you should not do so, especially since he's been sick and probably pretty down and out recently.

  9. #39
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    3,278

    Default

    I am pretty sure every relationship I have ever been in I was not the one who initiated the 1st kiss.

    I have heard the lines "Do I have to throw myself at you to get you figure it out here?" more than a few times.

    I am not sure what it's like for ENFJ guys in general, I have no one to compare myself too.

    But I am just not.. I don't know.. It's not presumptions exactly.. I am not presumptuous(but presumptuous is not quite the right word, remember?) enough to think someone wants me even if the signs should be obvious.
    It's not obvious usually until you offer your love to me, and I will be a bit unsure until then... does that make sense?

    So maybe you ought to do some offering??

  10. #40
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Posts
    3,424

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Do you think a male ENFJ would be turned off or think I'm being to pushy if I was the one to take the next step?
    If you're shy/withdrawn like me, you may worry that things are "too pushy," while the other person doesn't see it as "pushy" at all. It covers completely different ranges for different people. Hmm, you probably already thought about this.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFJ] ENFJ ignoring/cold to a close friend?
    By gulsy in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 12-28-2012, 09:24 PM
  2. Age difference with your friends
    By Chloe in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 57
    Last Post: 09-29-2010, 10:04 PM
  3. [SJ] SJ's if you know or can guess, what are the types of your good friends?
    By cogdecree in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-08-2009, 12:07 PM
  4. Hi all :D An ENFJ male has found your hidden paradise
    By SpottingTrains in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 01-25-2009, 08:40 PM
  5. How Do You Differ From Your Type?
    By RansomedbyFire in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 51
    Last Post: 01-10-2008, 08:48 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO