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  1. #21
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    I will be more obvious with my flirting in an actual scenario, almost demanding a reaction. If the reaction is something preferable, I can get coy and very ":blushing: Aw shucks" about it.
    That's interesting. I think I understand what your getting at. If I'm really interested in someone, I tend to be a bit of a provocateur... all in a very friendly, funny kind of way. I want to see what they'll do if I push the envelope a little bit. You can learn a lot about a person from that kind of thing. Of course, there have been those moments that I've completely freaked out between my "demanding a reaction" kind of behavior and their impending reaction. This is the point when I'm thinking about how I might have blown it and get stuck in an Ne/Fi loop.

    Ugh! Did I mention already how I become socially impaired around any guy I flag as a potential soul mate? I've only flagged a guy a handful of times in my entire life, but each time I have multiple cascading mental meltdowns. It's a miracle that I've ever dated anyone ever.

    Back to the "demanding a reaction" kind of behavior thing. I figure that if my occasionally-pushing-the-envelope-socially ENFP style is going to drive 'em nuts, it's best to find that out upfront.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  2. #22
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    I'm a very aggressive flirt when I'm actually interested.
    If I am friendly flirting with someone and they flirt back in a way that oversteps the boundaries, I get very " Hey now." I'm sure it comes across as being playful and nudgy, but there's no real warmth or coyness behind it.
    You may be curious how one is aggressive and coy . I will be more obvious with my flirting in an actual scenario, almost demanding a reaction. If the reaction is something preferrable, I can get coy and very ":blushing: Aw shucks" about it.

    I do what Afkan does, by way of person-specific comments.
    I also make a lot of eye contact, smile far too much, can't get enough of the person I'm interested in, and become very touchy.

    Touch does play a big part and can be a dead give away for my interest in someone. It's something to really take into account. I can appear to be flirting very hard with someone, but if I don't touch them beyond playful nudges to get their attention, then it's likely that I'm not actually interested.
    Wow, if this is true, than I'm definitely feeling a little more optimistic about how he feels towards me ...because he's definitely being a very aggressive flirt yet also somehow shy as well. Also he does a lot of the touchy, eye contact, hanging around me stuff as well. If you have any time, would you mind reading the specifics of our interactions together and giving me your input? I'd love to hear how you would interpret some of his interactions towards me. I understand if you don't want to though, it's a little TL;DR

    One thing I'm confused about is that I'm always the one to initiate our texting conversations. However, once I do, he keeps it going for a long time (even when I send him a possible conversation ending text -- something that doesn't require a response like "yeah" "ok" "of course" or no response at all-- he'll keep on texting/flirting with me). If he likes texting me so much than why doesn't he ever text me first? I figure if he was interested enough, he'd be the one randomly starting texting conversations with me. He's such a huge flirt so I'm not sure why he'd be shy or hesitant.

    Any insight, ENFJs? This probably means he's not that interested in me yet or something (which is fine because we've just met, ~we've got time)...but I'm just curious.

    ETA: I've just realized that my question probably sounds really stupid...but I admit, I'm a little socially retarded. The other thread, "Common Terms Decoded" is actually blowing my mind right now ...makes me realize how much subtext I've missed in the past
    After all,
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  3. #23
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post

    One thing I'm confused about is that I'm always the one to initiate our texting conversations. However, once I do, he keeps it going for a long time (even when I send him a possible conversation ending text -- something that doesn't require a response like "yeah" "ok" "of course" or no response at all-- he'll keep on texting/flirting with me). If he likes texting me so much than why doesn't he ever text me first? I figure if he was interested enough, he'd be the one randomly starting texting conversations with me. He's such a huge flirt so I'm not sure why he'd be shy or hesitant.
    My experience with ENFJ's is that they are very good in person, but not so good on paper. I don't know if that's true for all ENFJ's, but the ones I know prefer to present their charm in person because that is where their talents lie. To them, email, texting, etc. is more like paperwork and therefore an inferior way to interact with other people.

    I think his comments are very suggestive and you definitely have a good chance. Next time he says he owes you something, suggest he repay you by taking you out to lunch.

  4. #24
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    I'm OK when it comes to friendly flirting -- the kind where everyone knows you're not being serious and the woman's happily married but there's just that kind of bantery, teasy kind of thing going on that's not actually ever going to go anywhere.

    I'm not so good at flirting for real though ... social anxiety ups a notch!

  5. #25
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    If you have any time, would you mind reading the specifics of our interactions together and giving me your input?
    I would say he's interested in you in at least some degree! Well.. going by how I work. You can be blunt with him at any point and ask if he likes you. ENFJs like to be read into by those we generally enjoy and being called out can be fun for us.
    The only part I would consider is his degree of interest, which you mentioned. To me, it sounds like it's heading in the direction of more than a fling. Then again, ENFJs tend to be charmers either way. This is where asking him after a bit would be good. Course, it would be good to ask in any case like this, regardless of type.

    One thing I'm confused about is that I'm always the one to initiate our texting conversations. However, once I do, he keeps it going for a long time (even when I send him a possible conversation ending text -- something that doesn't require a response like "yeah" "ok" "of course" or no response at all-- he'll keep on texting/flirting with me). If he likes texting me so much than why doesn't he ever text me first? I figure if he was interested enough, he'd be the one randomly starting texting conversations with me. He's such a huge flirt so I'm not sure why he'd be shy or hesitant.
    Hmm. I've found that I have unwritten rules at times. I'll be an aggressive flirt in one place, but will hold back in another. It's as if the other place is where I find out what degree of effort the other person makes to approach me. It's very telling. The same goes for how he approaches you at work. How frequently is that divvied up between you two?

    It could also be what Valerie said, possibly a combination of the two.
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  6. #26
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Thanks for the input guys! I was a little concerned that it was heading into "fling" territory too :/ so I think I've decided to just back off this one for a bit. I'll still be friendly with him at work or whatever, but if he wants to text me or hang out with me during non-work-hours then I'll let him take that initiative. Or, like you all suggested, I'll just suggest that he can make up what he "owe's" to me by taking me to lunch. Or, during work, I'll jokingly ask if he likes me (although, I'm not sure how well that would work out...since he may say "yes" in a sarcastic or his classic flirty-manner).

    We're just friends right now and I'm fine with that -- if something develops, then it'll develop

    The ENFJ flirting is still confusing though
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

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  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Thanks for the input guys! I was a little concerned that it was heading into "fling" territory too :/ so I think I've decided to just back off this one for a bit. I'll still be friendly with him at work or whatever, but if he wants to text me or hang out with me during non-work-hours then I'll let him take that initiative. Or, like you all suggested, I'll just suggest that he can make up what he "owe's" to me by taking me to lunch. Or, during work, I'll jokingly ask if he likes me (although, I'm not sure how well that would work out...since he may say "yes" in a sarcastic or his classic flirty-manner).

    We're just friends right now and I'm fine with that -- if something develops, then it'll develop

    The ENFJ flirting is still confusing though
    I can't speak for anyone else here..

    But me personally from what you described.. You at least have his attention.

    If he is anything like me, no matter how much people tell me I am handsome,charming,sexy,captivating ,entertaining etc etc.. I am not always sure people like me.
    I am very unassuming that way.. and that includes romantic partners.. Normally I am waiting for them to jump me.. because really that is what is going it home that I am not imaging the signals.

    At that stage if the jump hasn't happened. I would totally appreciate if someone would want to discuss things so we could be clear and on the same page.. Then If we were I would jump you

  8. #28
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    I don't know, I think I've been coming on too strongly by asking him to hang out (first with the quick dessert thing a couple days ago and now today asking if he was doing anything later). I've probably ruined it and now he thinks I'm a creeper / I'll probably end up ignoring him at work tomorrow out of embarrassment for being so transparent (he must know that I like him by now).

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    I can't speak for anyone else here..

    But me personally from what you described.. You at least have his attention.

    If he is anything like me, no matter how much people tell me I am handsome,charming,sexy,captivating ,entertaining etc etc.. I am not always sure people like me.
    I am very unassuming that way.. and that includes romantic partners.. Normally I am waiting for them to jump me.. because really that is what is going it home that I am not imaging the signals.

    At that stage if the jump hasn't happened. I would totally appreciate if someone would want to discuss things so we could be clear and on the same page.. Then If we were I would jump you
    Thanks for the input! It feels good to know that it, at least, seems like he has some interest in me. Hopefully it will continue to be that way. And if it continues that way for a long while then, by all means, I'll help along the "jump"


    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    Hmm. I've found that I have unwritten rules at times. I'll be an aggressive flirt in one place, but will hold back in another. It's as if the other place is where I find out what degree of effort the other person makes to approach me. It's very telling. The same goes for how he approaches you at work. How frequently is that divvied up between you two?
    I'm sorry, I'm not quite understanding the question. Are you asking how often he's an aggressive flirt at work and how often he does is via text? I'm tired right now, so maybe I'm just not processing the question correctly .
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

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  9. #29
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    I'm sorry, I'm not quite understanding the question. Are you asking how often he's an aggressive flirt at work and how often he does is via text? I'm tired right now, so maybe I'm just not processing the question correctly .
    Asking how frequently he initiates contact at work vs how frequently you do? If he is always the one to initiate contact at work, it could put things into perspective regarding the texting.
    He also may feel that, since he is on you at work, you texting him first is like giving the "Go Ahead" that you're free to chitchat. Aggressive flirts can get concerned about being overbearing... and aggressive ENFJs can get concerned about impeding upon you with themselves . We're kinda bad at not taking the other person into account more than ourselves.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

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    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

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  10. #30
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    Asking how frequently he initiates contact at work vs how frequently you do? If he is always the one to initiate contact at work, it could put things into perspective regarding the texting.
    He also may feel that, since he is on you at work, you texting him first is like giving the "Go Ahead" that you're free to chitchat. Aggressive flirts can get concerned about being overbearing... and aggressive ENFJs can get concerned about impeding upon you with themselves . We're kinda bad at not taking the other person into account more than ourselves.
    Oh, thank you for clarifying! Yes, he's the one who usually always initiates contact at work. And then I'm the one who always initiates contact via text.

    The only thing that confuses me about that is: why should he be concerned about being overbearing or impeding himself upon me, when it should be obvious to him that I like him? I mean, I don't think I've been necessarily subtle

    Could it possibly be something Arclight mentioned about ENFJs not being entirely confident about the fact someone likes them? I always thought NFs could "feel" or "sense" these things
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

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