User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 35

Thread: I Lost My INFJ

  1. #21
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    4,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BettieW View Post
    When she texts you, DO NOT tell her you're doing "good" or "ok". Tell her that you are devastated, distraught, near suicide, a complete mess. You love her desperately, need her, must have her! You're a Thinker, so you probably believe this is ridiculously "over the top". But if you will just do it, even if you feel awkward or silly, she will be impressed. At any rate...good news, your INFJ still loves you. You haven't lost...quit thinking, drinking and brooding...and go get her!
    I respectfully disagree. It is quite likely she will feel resentful that she is being denied her time to process. You would be denying her request which likely doesn't come easy, but rather from deep feelings that she needs to reconcile. She may come out of obligation, but resentment like that poisons a relationship. She won't be able to see your love as non-manipulative.

    ENTPs do not want to be trapped, surely then one can recognize how distasteful it would be to try to trap a kindhearted woman this way.

    There are other ways to make a grand gesture, this is manipulation, though. There are ways to speak from the heart that are not emotional blackmail.

    Quote Originally Posted by BettieW View Post
    Tell her that you are devastated, distraught, near suicide, a complete mess.
    Don't do this. If you really feel this way, please seek some professional help.
    the formless thing which gives things form!
    Found Forum Haiku Project


    Positive Spin | your feedback welcomed | Darker Criticism

  2. #22
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Echoing what others have said, and in the future, if you get back together, try and stop yourself in the moment if you can tell you're reacting to old wounds. I agree with Vasilisa, I think it was...ENTPs sometimes shoot their mouths off and do damage control later. INFJs (and a lot of introverts in general) choose their words carefully, and can be tremendously wounded by hurtful things said in the heat of moment. We might be furious at someone and never say something we know would hurt them. She's probably expecting you to censor those thoughts yourself, knowing they would wound her.

    Good luck, and make sure she knows how much you really do care about her.
    Something Witty

  3. #23

    Default

    Hey all. Still going strong and still missing her but I am alive another day. The initial shock has worn off and I am now to the point where I am just dazed. Haven't been eating much and sleep is non-existent. You know those situations where you start to doze off and then think about someone and your heart starts racing and and you are wide awake and very discomforted. I have had little contact with her lately and it is becoming a nightmare that I feel I cannot wake up from. If it is not meant to be then who am I to protest that. However, if it is meant to be then that would be a blessing. I have reached a stage where my thoughts are clouded and I can no longer analyze the situation. Over analyzing things is a curse of mine anyways. Always have to have the answer. I am flying blindly and just hoping for the best. She told me that she loves me and that she still wants me in her life but that in itself scares me. I know that with her in my life, I will continue to love her and I do not want that love to tarnish a relationship if she does not want to be with me. Pretty aimless right now. Damn, I miss that woman.

  4. #24
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,099

    Default

    What's wrong wich ya, man? Shrugging your shoulders about it not being meant to be and yet you're devastated (and you were the one that started this whole thing) and she doesn't want to say goodbye to you? If I were her, I would assume that you never cared that much in the first place. Fs don't just make irrevocable pronouncements usually as Ts tend to. INFJs at least will usually be looking very carefully at your reaction to decide on their next course of action if they haven't walked away and decided to have nothing to do with you at all. We usually have a delayed processing time where our behaviour is based on our LAST interaction, not the current one. She's said that she wants you to be a part of her life, which means that she still has grave concerns, but is looking for what you plan to do before she makes any further decisions. If she really thought you had gone too far to ever be redeemable in her eyes, you wouldn't have had any further contact.

    Have you ever thought that an impassioned plea for a rethink and then some consistent behaviour and signs that you are completely devoted to her might not make a huge difference. You've got about every sign you could hope for. The fact is that she's not sure if she can trust you to not do something stupid like that again. By being around (frequent contact!) and being consistent and making sure she knows you still love her while giving her a little bit of space, I think she'd change her mind.

    Having said that, it does sound like you maybe have some healing up to do from the past, which would be good to get working on while you are waiting. Have you figured out how your past experiences are affecting the current ones? What went wrong in your old relationship (either in the choosing of the person or in the execution of the relationship). How are you going to avoid that happening again? Have you tied up all the loose ends from the past that you are able to and made whatever amends needed to be? Have you forgiven? Do you have any other non-romantic people in your life that you are close to? What is your communication like with them? Do you know how to resolve problems when they come up? Do you really believe you will be heard if you just state your case? What patterns from your growing years did you see in communication and what did you like/dislike about that? I think coming armed with some thoughtfulness and information is something very important to INFJs. They want to know 1) you realize the gravity of the situation 2) you have put some thought into how to change things 3) it applies to all areas of your life - integrity and consistency are important.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    468 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII None
    Posts
    4,383

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by burymecloser View Post
    I would also suggest that you consider revising your drinking habits. It sounds like that has created/exacerbated problems more than once. Maybe you could even talk to your INFJ about the issue and see what she thinks. Good luck.
    My first thought after reading what happened was "Stop drinking." So I'm just chiming in to reinforce this idea.

  6. #26
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    4,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DanAKAHollywood View Post
    You know those situations where you start to doze off and then think about someone and your heart starts racing and and you are wide awake and very discomforted.
    I absolutely do! And how about when you do get sleep and wake up from it only to have the awful realization dawn on you once again that your loved one is gone and its as though you have awoken to a nightmare anew. Yes, I can relate, Dan. I can relate to the helpless frustration of not being able to move the object of my love with any words, even after mining the depths of my soul to find them. It is purely maddening, isn't it? This will grow you like nothing else.

    But love works, Dan. It works in blood and in bones and in breath. Believe it. Your INFJ likely does.

    On the chance that all that intimacy with her was some kind of singular condition that she didn't experience at all, then you cannot transmit it to her. You can show it, as you said you have. Trust in that if it is within her then it is there. Its very zen - this way of trusting and doing the most by not doing so much.

    You are not stupid. It sounds like you have been wracking your brain for so long trying to figure out that perfect answer that is eluding you. But its not an equation to solve like that. Take care of Dan. The kind of care that focuses on long term happiness. If you can do that it really shows that you can take care of the one you love.
    the formless thing which gives things form!
    Found Forum Haiku Project


    Positive Spin | your feedback welcomed | Darker Criticism

  7. #27
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,099

    Default

    Oh, yeah, ditto on the stop drinking thing. Seems to be consistently yielding bad results.

  8. #28
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,370

    Default

    Before you tell yourself you want to be with an INFJ, make sure you are aware of what that means, and that is really what you want. People aren't just another shiny object.

    EDIT: And be sure you can handle it.

  9. #29
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,099

    Default

    Haha, you sound wary. I don't blame you. We're nice but a lot of work.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    2
    Posts
    931

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Emectar View Post
    hey man that whole thing sounds awful.
    Dont be offended if my advice doesnt apply to you, im just going on what ive seen.
    I tend to notice that alot of the T's in my life may percieve something they do as a big emotional gesture when in the eyes of an F its sort of mild. In fact an Entp i used to go out with and eventually ended up mutually breaking up with once tried to win me back with what she saw as a heartfelt speach and to me sounded so vague. It was only when i got back with her that found out the extent to which she cared.

    Its just my advice and i really cant pretend to know what to do in such an awful situation but i think a grand gesture might make things the way they were. For instance, my friend filled the apartment of the INFJ he was dating with flowers so that it was like a carpet thoughout the whole apratment. I think you need to sweep her off her feet with something to remind her how strongly you feel and bring back her feelings for the you.

    Great advice. That would charm me, certainly. I suppose a grand gesture could also scare her off, but if she likes you at all, I think it will have a postive result.

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] Help me understand my INFJ boss.
    By Santosha in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 04-04-2012, 12:30 PM
  2. [INFJ] How do I flag up self-centeredness to my INFJ friend?
    By SilkRoad in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 06-17-2010, 03:58 AM
  3. [INFJ] Making sense of my INFJ friend.
    By Snow Turtle in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 03-04-2010, 05:43 PM
  4. [INFJ] my INFJ wants to watch startrek with me
    By entropie in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 05-01-2009, 09:00 PM
  5. [INFJ] Need help understanding my INFJ mom.
    By deleyd in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 04-29-2009, 09:07 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO