User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 35

Thread: I Lost My INFJ

  1. #11
    Symbolic Herald Vasilisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    4,128

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DanAKAHollywood View Post
    I have told her the things that I have shared with you guys but she is quite used to me being open with her and sharing things with her. I think she has become numb to my emotions. I do not think writing anymore will help and I know that words will not bring her back. I am at a complete loss on this. Not having an answer here is really hard on me. I have always had the answers to everything that has happened to me. This time I do not have the slightest idea of what I could possibly do.
    Okay, then. I didn't know that you were writing to her already, that is actually why I said to send a letter after some time. For me as an INFJ I am acutely aware of others feelings and the burden of sheltering those feelings. So, she might be so wrapped up in your devastation that she isn't able to address her own feelings and process her emotions. Things stay suspended that way. So then I think you know that you do need to give her some time and space. Answer some texts, but don't bind her to your emotional state (even if it is that way in fact.)

    I didn't want to say this, because it sounds mind game-y and personal and relates to my situation not yours -which is very different-, but since its going that way anyway I will admit: yes, hold yourself away. There seems to usually be a push-pull thing with ENTPs and INFJs, so maybe in your personal dynamic it is just happening the opposite way. I have no idea. As long as you aren't trying to hide from your own feelings, but are truly putting her need for space first, I don't think its cowardly. She cannot feel your absence if you are so ever present. Perhaps once she does she will feel like you, a tail with no wag as you put it.
    the formless thing which gives things form!
    Found Forum Haiku Project


    Positive Spin | your feedback welcomed | Darker Criticism

  2. #12
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    2
    Posts
    11

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    Wow. Chill out dude.
    Just give her some space. You seem kinda....intense.
    Damn T's, I like my intensity. :steam:

  3. #13

    Default

    Thank you all, again, for your responses. I am sure I will be fine and that everything will work out. I guess it is just the shock of the situation that is taking such a toll on me. Not to mention I don't really have a lot of people to talk to. The people that are around me are not really that great when it comes to the whole talking thing. But, the advice that I have been given here is most welcome and makes a lot of sense.

  4. #14
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,368

    Default

    The essencial is to make peace with what is and as been, and not to cave-in into fearmonging "what if" scenarios that fail to provide the ego what it craves.

    Taking a moment to reflect on everything, and see it for what it is, a lesson, just like everything in life, without the self-driven, pseudo-modesty of "yes I've learned my lesson, now just bring it all back like it used to be already". Notice anything familiar in that? She shouldn't be the only one pondering on what happened. Have you considered what role infatuation may be playing in it all? Anything healthy and solid doesn't vanish from night to day.

    Peace, space, reflection. Serenity.

  5. #15
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    149

    Default

    hey man that whole thing sounds awful.
    Dont be offended if my advice doesnt apply to you, im just going on what ive seen.
    I tend to notice that alot of the T's in my life may percieve something they do as a big emotional gesture when in the eyes of an F its sort of mild. In fact an Entp i used to go out with and eventually ended up mutually breaking up with once tried to win me back with what she saw as a heartfelt speach and to me sounded so vague. It was only when i got back with her that found out the extent to which she cared.

    Its just my advice and i really cant pretend to know what to do in such an awful situation but i think a grand gesture might make things the way they were. For instance, my friend filled the apartment of the INFJ he was dating with flowers so that it was like a carpet thoughout the whole apratment. I think you need to sweep her off her feet with something to remind her how strongly you feel and bring back her feelings for the you.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    2
    Posts
    931

    Default

    If she has made this much contact with you, then she is still interested in you. Believe me, when an INFJ decides to put someone out of her life, there will be no contact.

    What probably happened was that you fell off the pedestal. INFJ's put their romantic partners on these huge pedestals. We see them as perfect and admirable and everything that is good with the world. By the way you acted, she couldn't keep you on the pedestal any more.

    But falling off the pedestal is not necessarily a bad thing. If you are able to work through this, you might have a lasting enduring relationship that is built on reality, not fantasy. A similar thing happened to my husband and I when we were dating, and we were able to enter marriage with our eyes wide open.

    Keep up the contact and maybe she will come around. She just needs to process the new you that she saw that night.

  7. #17
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    1,527

    Default

    I don't think you've lost her. I think it may be good in a way to have had the upset in that you can learn from it, and so can she. If you are both going to be together it is good to see each other in all sorts of situations and to work on them, if need be. I know for myself, I don't put romantic partners on a pedestal, I recognize them as human, and humans make mistakes. Just let her work through her feelings, writing her was a very good idea. It is something she can look at again, and she'll remember the good times, at least I do that.

    Good luck, and really if you love her, don't let her go easily, don't give up, work on it. If it were me, I'd see past the initial hurt and move on if you could show that you meant it.
    "It is not length of life, but depth of life." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

    "Thought breeds thought." ~ Henry David Thoreau

  8. #18
    Senior Member ItsAGuy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    ILI
    Posts
    156

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DanAKAHollywood View Post
    I am an ENTP and I have spent a good deal of time seeking relationships in all of the wrong places. I had no clue that I was an ENTP or that there was a such thing as personality types; I thought that people were just people. I ended up married to a person who was completely wrong for me and it definitely did not work out. After the fall of the marriage I came in contact with a woman that I had known in high school. We hit it off very well and naturally shared many common interests and there was a lot of chemistry between us. While we were in our 'talking' phase she led me to a personality test. I took the test and it returned that I was an ENTP. I read the description and just thought "Wow, that is me all over." I was very amazed at reading the most accurate description of myself ever written and told her that I was an ENTP. She told me that she was an INFJ and I immediately dove into learning about her through everything I could read. We seemed pretty much perfect for each other on so many levels. It did not take long for us fall madly in love and for the passion between us to build. She was always excited to be around me and I would get so excited every time I knew she was coming over. It gave me butterflies just to think about her. We did a lot of things together and I opened myself up to her in a way that I have never done before. I told her things that I have never had the desire to share with anyone else. I was pretty sure that this was a relationship forged in Heaven and I was living a dream.

    We took a short weekend vacation to San Antonio, Texas and adventured all over the place. It was an amazing experience for me and I was glad to be sharing it with her. On our last night there she wanted to go to a piano bar so that I could experience that type of scene; I had never been to such a place before and she is a fan of them. I was exhausted from the earlier adventures that day and was not exactly keen to the idea of going. This, is where I made a crucial mistake. I did not tell her that I was not interested in going and that I would rather go down to the river and just enjoy my time with her. I did not realize that she was only recommending the piano bar because she thought that it was something that I would want to go do. I went along and tried to make the best of the experience, and don't get me wrong, it was a fun place. I started drinking because I thought that it would pick me up and that I would be more fun for her. It actually did not have such a glamorous effect on me and I became even more irritable.

    I was very much ready to leave but I didn't want to ruin her good time and I sat there and just let myself get angry over absolutely nothing. I eventually told her that it was time to go and we left. By this time I was intoxicated but the only thoughts on my mind were "She is my dream girl and she has done nothing wrong. Just deal with this in your mind and leave her out of it." I did not speak on the trip back to the hotel. When we got back to the hotel, she did not speak to me; we just got in bed. I am not the type of person to just say nothing when I feel tension in the air. Being a brilliant drunken person I said the best thing I could think of, "I don't think this is going to work out..." Really?!? That is the best I could come up with? I immediately realized that what I had said was stupid and that I should never have said that. I did not mean it at all. I could not picture my life without her. This led to an argument in which I said multiple stupid things. I was used to being on the defense when I was married and those arguments always resulted in me having to be on the edge. I have not had an argument with anyone since I was married and I was scared. I did not know how to handle the situation. I realized that I was being stupid and I took her in my arms and apologized and told her that I loved her.

    The next morning I felt so horrible for acting that way. I told her that I was sorry and tried to express my sorrow to her. Inside, I was devastated and destroyed. We went on and continued our relationship but I could feel that something was different. It was eating me alive and I was scared to death. This was a new feeling for me because I was never scared of ending a relationship before. Even when my marriage failed I was relieved and happy when she was gone. I figured that all I could do was pray that things would go back to normal and just be optimistic in the mean-time. I continued sharing my feelings and we still had a lot of fun together. Then a couple of days ago it finally came out. In lieu of her distance I asked her if everything was okay and she said that she did not know, that she just couldn't get back to the way things were before our argument. I was at work and this crushed me for the remainder of the day. We agreed to get together and talk after work.

    After work I went to her house and we sat down and had our talk. She told me that she thought that she had just needed time to get over everything and that it was not working and that the passion was not there. I told her that I had not wanted to go that night and she pointed out that all of this could have been avoided if I would have just told her that. This crushed me and I had a very hard time holding back my tears. We kissed for the last time and told each other "I love you" and I, full of emptiness, walked away. She sent me a text and asked how I was that night. I told her that I was very hurt and that I would wait for her in the event that she changed her mind. In my heart she is the one for me. I spent the majority of the night watching TV and trying to find inner-peace. It did not work out so well.

    The next day, I trudged to work and tried to remain optimistic. She sent me a text asking how I was and I told her I was great. She said that she was okay and I tried to assure her that everything would be okay. She told me she loved me which, of course, made my heart skip a beat. I told her that I loved her too and went about my business. That night I went out with a coworker and we left town and visited a few bars. I could not enjoy myself. I drank but the alcohol did nothing for me. There were a lot of people but I had no interest in them. I was watching my phone and waiting for that message that said she missed me. She did text me and ask how I was again, I told her that I was good and left it at that. Later on she sent me another message and we had a brief conversation before she went to sleep. I finally could not handle it anymore and returned home and went to sleep.

    This morning I woke up and opened up my laptop and noticed that she had sent me a page on Stumble. It was a page of nerdy wedding invitations. We are both attractive but very intellectual people and find a lot of humor in nerdy things. The thing that got me here was that it was wedding invitations. Does this mean something? I have no clue. I did not respond but I did initiate a conversation with her and we carried on a conversation for a bit.

    I know that this is a long post but I am destroyed. I don't understand the signs that she is showing me. I feel like she is showing me something by maintaining contact, and by letting me know that she loves me. I have lost my INFJ and it is killing me. I refuse to believe that this is the end of us and I need advice. I have never been in a good relationship before, other than the meaningless ones back in high school and I finally found one. One that was full of balance and true caring experiences. I need advice here. Can the passion be rebuilt? Is this typical of an INFJ and what can be done to fix it? In my dreams I can see our future together and I so desperately want that future.
    As an INFJ, I can say that if someone sent the above to ME by way of apology, It would probably work.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #19
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    3w4 sx/so
    Posts
    1,859

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DanAKAHollywood View Post
    I am an ENTP and I have spent a good deal of time seeking relationships in all of the wrong places. I had no clue that I was an ENTP or that there was a such thing as personality types; I thought that people were just people. I ended up married to a person who was completely wrong for me and it definitely did not work out. After the fall of the marriage I came in contact with a woman that I had known in high school. We hit it off very well and naturally shared many common interests and there was a lot of chemistry between us. While we were in our 'talking' phase she led me to a personality test. I took the test and it returned that I was an ENTP. I read the description and just thought "Wow, that is me all over." I was very amazed at reading the most accurate description of myself ever written and told her that I was an ENTP. She told me that she was an INFJ and I immediately dove into learning about her through everything I could read. We seemed pretty much perfect for each other on so many levels. It did not take long for us fall madly in love and for the passion between us to build. She was always excited to be around me and I would get so excited every time I knew she was coming over. It gave me butterflies just to think about her. We did a lot of things together and I opened myself up to her in a way that I have never done before. I told her things that I have never had the desire to share with anyone else. I was pretty sure that this was a relationship forged in Heaven and I was living a dream.

    We took a short weekend vacation to San Antonio, Texas and adventured all over the place. It was an amazing experience for me and I was glad to be sharing it with her. On our last night there she wanted to go to a piano bar so that I could experience that type of scene; I had never been to such a place before and she is a fan of them. I was exhausted from the earlier adventures that day and was not exactly keen to the idea of going. This, is where I made a crucial mistake. I did not tell her that I was not interested in going and that I would rather go down to the river and just enjoy my time with her. I did not realize that she was only recommending the piano bar because she thought that it was something that I would want to go do. I went along and tried to make the best of the experience, and don't get me wrong, it was a fun place. I started drinking because I thought that it would pick me up and that I would be more fun for her. It actually did not have such a glamorous effect on me and I became even more irritable.

    I was very much ready to leave but I didn't want to ruin her good time and I sat there and just let myself get angry over absolutely nothing. I eventually told her that it was time to go and we left. By this time I was intoxicated but the only thoughts on my mind were "She is my dream girl and she has done nothing wrong. Just deal with this in your mind and leave her out of it." I did not speak on the trip back to the hotel. When we got back to the hotel, she did not speak to me; we just got in bed. I am not the type of person to just say nothing when I feel tension in the air. Being a brilliant drunken person I said the best thing I could think of, "I don't think this is going to work out..." Really?!? That is the best I could come up with? I immediately realized that what I had said was stupid and that I should never have said that. I did not mean it at all. I could not picture my life without her. This led to an argument in which I said multiple stupid things. I was used to being on the defense when I was married and those arguments always resulted in me having to be on the edge. I have not had an argument with anyone since I was married and I was scared. I did not know how to handle the situation. I realized that I was being stupid and I took her in my arms and apologized and told her that I loved her.

    The next morning I felt so horrible for acting that way. I told her that I was sorry and tried to express my sorrow to her. Inside, I was devastated and destroyed. We went on and continued our relationship but I could feel that something was different. It was eating me alive and I was scared to death. This was a new feeling for me because I was never scared of ending a relationship before. Even when my marriage failed I was relieved and happy when she was gone. I figured that all I could do was pray that things would go back to normal and just be optimistic in the mean-time. I continued sharing my feelings and we still had a lot of fun together. Then a couple of days ago it finally came out. In lieu of her distance I asked her if everything was okay and she said that she did not know, that she just couldn't get back to the way things were before our argument. I was at work and this crushed me for the remainder of the day. We agreed to get together and talk after work.

    After work I went to her house and we sat down and had our talk. She told me that she thought that she had just needed time to get over everything and that it was not working and that the passion was not there. I told her that I had not wanted to go that night and she pointed out that all of this could have been avoided if I would have just told her that. This crushed me and I had a very hard time holding back my tears. We kissed for the last time and told each other "I love you" and I, full of emptiness, walked away. She sent me a text and asked how I was that night. I told her that I was very hurt and that I would wait for her in the event that she changed her mind. In my heart she is the one for me. I spent the majority of the night watching TV and trying to find inner-peace. It did not work out so well.

    The next day, I trudged to work and tried to remain optimistic. She sent me a text asking how I was and I told her I was great. She said that she was okay and I tried to assure her that everything would be okay. She told me she loved me which, of course, made my heart skip a beat. I told her that I loved her too and went about my business. That night I went out with a coworker and we left town and visited a few bars. I could not enjoy myself. I drank but the alcohol did nothing for me. There were a lot of people but I had no interest in them. I was watching my phone and waiting for that message that said she missed me. She did text me and ask how I was again, I told her that I was good and left it at that. Later on she sent me another message and we had a brief conversation before she went to sleep. I finally could not handle it anymore and returned home and went to sleep.

    This morning I woke up and opened up my laptop and noticed that she had sent me a page on Stumble. It was a page of nerdy wedding invitations. We are both attractive but very intellectual people and find a lot of humor in nerdy things. The thing that got me here was that it was wedding invitations. Does this mean something? I have no clue. I did not respond but I did initiate a conversation with her and we carried on a conversation for a bit.

    I know that this is a long post but I am destroyed. I don't understand the signs that she is showing me. I feel like she is showing me something by maintaining contact, and by letting me know that she loves me. I have lost my INFJ and it is killing me. I refuse to believe that this is the end of us and I need advice. I have never been in a good relationship before, other than the meaningless ones back in high school and I finally found one. One that was full of balance and true caring experiences. I need advice here. Can the passion be rebuilt? Is this typical of an INFJ and what can be done to fix it? In my dreams I can see our future together and I so desperately want that future.
    Send ^the main points and concerns here^, and write them in a letter, to her. Then give her time to process it.

    And yea, like ItsAGuy wrote, do this as an apology, which is the underlying theme of your words as they are.

    She will come back to you for your honesty, which is like crack to INFJs.

    Guaranteed (:
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  10. #20
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    3

    Default

    So, she sent you a page of WEDDING invitations...and you think it's over?! She is letting you know loud and clear that she sees a future with you: I'm an INFP/INFJ borderline lady, so I know what I'm talking about. When she texts you, DO NOT tell her you're doing "good" or "ok". Tell her that you are devastated, distraught, near suicide, a complete mess. You love her desperately, need her, must have her! You're a Thinker, so you probably believe this is ridiculously "over the top". But if you will just do it, even if you feel awkward or silly, she will be impressed. At any rate...good news, your INFJ still loves you. You haven't lost...quit thinking, drinking and brooding...and go get her!

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] Help me understand my INFJ boss.
    By Santosha in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 04-04-2012, 12:30 PM
  2. [INFJ] How do I flag up self-centeredness to my INFJ friend?
    By SilkRoad in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 06-17-2010, 03:58 AM
  3. [INFJ] Making sense of my INFJ friend.
    By Snow Turtle in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 03-04-2010, 05:43 PM
  4. [INFJ] my INFJ wants to watch startrek with me
    By entropie in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 05-01-2009, 09:00 PM
  5. [INFJ] Need help understanding my INFJ mom.
    By deleyd in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 04-29-2009, 09:07 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO