[ENFP] ENFP and casual sex

[Esoteric Wench]

Dr Kalach, at your service. Making love to implications since 1917.

And I notice no ENFPs talking about the need for ritual and how the physical space needs to be right for it to be right. Hmmmm, how implicative!

I forget how much I adore INTJs. You are absolutely ADORABLE Kalach. This made me smile... and think.

 

[Kalach]

I forget how much I adore INTJs. You are absolutely ADORABLE Kalach. This made me smile... and think.

About what?

The "ritual" crack and reference to the space being right for it to be right comes from a more general observation that in the thrall of introverted functions we tend to require the world to bend to our expectations whereas paying attention to an extroverted function we tend to be rather more aware of what is and how we should accommodate it. This is certainly true of judgment functions (probably), and I suppose it'll be true of the perception functions too, judgment or no.

The thought then is that approaching the physical world in terms of introverted sensing one may tend to determine the nature of what one is perceiving by checking it against past perceptions, and if say the physical sensation or situation is new, what's the implication?


WHAT!! What are you trying to do?! That's uncomfortable and unusual!! It's... it's... MY GOD, I SEE NOW, IT'S AGAINST NATURE!!!! FREAK!!!!!!

 

[Esoteric Wench]

<Fi>I guess that in true Fi fashion I was responding more to my thoughts and impressions about you rather than the logical integrity of your argument. What inspired my spontaneous Fi eruption was my bemused observation of your Ni hard at work. Very thoughtful... slightly cryptic... and able to see things from all sides... I smiled as I read your post before engaging in all manner of idle thoughts re: what it'd be like to get to know you in real life.

I love interacting with other N doms. There is something uniquely powerful and enthralling about the conversational ebb and flow that Intuitive Doms share (which, for the uninitiated, are INTJs, ENTPs, ENFPs, and INFJs). Plus, there's your rather striking avatar picture... Gary Cooper from the Fountainhead, no? Very tantalizing.</Fi>

<Te>As far as responding specifically to what you wrote. I get the general idea that you were noting that xNFPs are always curious about the implications of their sexual encounters. Then, you alluded to your awareness and your partner's awareness of your role as the initiator/performer in such encounters with xNFPs. Sort of like you'd rather you and your partner mutually explore each other rather than the xNFP waiting expectantly and watching you. I think this is at the heart of the J/P interaction... and oftentimes the male/female dynamic.

The only thing I had in mind (approximately every seven seconds of each day) is that an NFP reaction to physical exploration is, first, to be curious about the implication. They'll be watching me doing my explorations. Which is fine (no, it's not), but exploration as performance is less wonderful than physical exploration to physically explore (together)....

...Dr Kalach, at your service. Making love to implications since 1917....

I'm guessing that you have a few notches in your INFP/ENFP belt. The 1917 part, though, made me smile. Very creative.

...And I notice no ENFPs talking about the need for ritual and how the physical space needs to be right for it to be right. Hmmmm, how implicative!

^^^
And then, in size-1 typeface you make a logical segue into how repetition and ambiance are also important in how sex feels to the participants. True. But I'm not sure how this relates to the rest of your argument. Would you care to elaborate?</Te>

 

[Kalach]

I'm guessing that you have a few notches in your INFP/ENFP belt.

14-year-old virgin. Don't hate my purity.

And then, in size-1 typeface you make a logical segue into how repetition and ambiance are also important in how sex feels to the participants. True. But I'm not sure how this relates to the rest of your argument. Would you care to elaborate?</Te>

Unconscious requirements. The thesis is, inferior Si, among other origins, is where the enjoyment of repetition and stylising ambiance comes from. I believe inferior Se tends one in a different (wishful) direction, away from repetition and into sometimes absurd novelty.

Just a tangent in an otherwise charming discussion of gettin' it on.

 

[alcea rosea]

I've never had a one night stand or a fling, and that's despite having the impulsive flirtyness of the ENFP and the usual desires of a red-blooded male. I want my sexual relationships to be emotionally meaningful, which means that while other people are merrily hooking up when they feel like it, I just couldn't do that.

Anyone else feel the same way?

It's the same with every other aspect of my life -- if it's not emotionally meaningful to me in some way, then I'm not interested.

Maybe that's normal for most people, not just an ENFP thing???

+1
I think it might be F thing.

 

[the state i am in]

this thread would be sifted much more effectively if we had access to enneagram type.

w8 tends to turn emotions into physical impulses and is generally more lusty, assertive, action-oriented by nature. sx/so types generally spin the ol' odometer the most, while so/sp types generally consider what they think is socially endorsable before impulsively acting and being consumed by what they might want or could want (tho they seem to be less impulsively spiky in general).

i've seen a lot of 7w6 girls, probably many so/sx, running from something/someone into the arms of someone else in a kind of perpetual motion machine. it's different than w8 which is way more cocky and self-assured. 7w6 so/sx is more often acting in response to its own vulnerability, anxiety, and need for alliance and social security. 7w8 feels more like a hate fuck. everyone for him/herself, consumed by appetite, competitive and challenging, etc. 7w6 at its worst is like opoided out, at its best its fully present both head and body and seriously seriously fun-loving yet still sincere.

 

[Ming]

Okay, I like sex. Wait, I LOVE sex. But it's just against me to play around. I don't like casual sex. I want a beautiful b**** boy then I can play around with forever and ever and ever...

 

[Devil Flamingo]

I am, essentially, a theoretical whore. As in, a whore, but only in theory.

In other words, I'll flirt with anyone, girl or guy (though I'm only sexually attracted to guys), just because I can, and for no purpose other than being obnoxious and amusing myself to no end, heehee.

But if anyone actually took it seriously and were like YES LET'S GO I'd be like loool no. I'm not having sex with you until I've known you for longer than a year and I'm sure we could have a long-term relationship (ideally, lifelong).

I know me, and I know that if I went for casual sex or a summer fling I'd end up unhappy and disappointed. I dislike investing emotionally in things or people that I don't see being a part of my future.

Besides, if it were for my libido, I'd have done every gay guy (or even non-gay ones? >> women too, maybe? >>) in this city. Self-control is an art, and I plan to master it. Or at least, become really good at it. Or, well, at least irl; I don't have to excercise it as much online, obviously. :3

 

[Esoteric Wench]

this thread would be sifted much more effectively if we had access to enneagram type.

w8 tends to turn emotions into physical impulses and is generally more lusty, assertive, action-oriented by nature. sx/so types generally spin the ol' odometer the most, while so/sp types generally consider what they think is socially endorsable before impulsively acting and being consumed by what they might want or could want (tho they seem to be less impulsively spiky in general).

i've seen a lot of 7w6 girls, probably many so/sx, running from something/someone into the arms of someone else in a kind of perpetual motion machine. it's different than w8 which is way more cocky and self-assured. 7w6 so/sx is more often acting in response to its own vulnerability, anxiety, and need for alliance and social security. 7w8 feels more like a hate fuck. everyone for him/herself, consumed by appetite, competitive and challenging, etc. 7w6 at its worst is like opoided out, at its best its fully present both head and body and seriously seriously fun-loving yet still sincere.

Every time I read one of your posts, I say to myself, "Damn it. You have GOT to read up more on the Enneagram." the state i am in, do you have a single book or Website you'd recommend as a good overview?

 

[Esoteric Wench]

I am, essentially, a theoretical whore. As in, a whore, but only in theory.

In other words, I'll flirt with anyone, girl or guy (though I'm only sexually attracted to guys), just because I can, and for no purpose other than being obnoxious and amusing myself to no end, heehee.

But if anyone actually took it seriously and were like YES LET'S GO I'd be like loool no. I'm not having sex with you until I've known you for longer than a year and I'm sure we could have a long-term relationship (ideally, lifelong).

I know me, and I know that if I went for casual sex or a summer fling I'd end up unhappy and disappointed. I dislike investing emotionally in things or people that I don't see being a part of my future.

Besides, if it were for my libido, I'd have done every gay guy (or even non-gay ones? >> women too, maybe? >>) in this city. Self-control is an art, and I plan to master it. Or at least, become really good at it. Or, well, at least irl; I don't have to exercise it as much online, obviously. :3

Devil Flamingo, I'm exactly the same way. And, I love your term "Theoretical Whore" because that so aptly describes me.

 

[MacGuffin]

What turns "theoretical" into "practical"?

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Hmmmm. That's a good question.

I guess that I need to see the person in action over time so I can understand their value system. If I judge them as passing the test, then I proceed. What that standard is, is hard for me to articulate which means it's probably very Fi based.

In other words, I need to see they have a good heart. And, with some life experience, I've also learned to make the good heart check only the first bar that must be met. They must also show good character under difficult circumstances. This is a much, much, much higher bar to meet.

Once these benchmarks are met, whoa buddy. I'm gonna be all over you. Ha ha!

 

[MacGuffin]

Oh great, hookers with a heart of gold!

It sounds like "whore" isn't really an option. You'd have to be far less discriminating.

 

[BlueScreen]

I've never had a one night stand or a fling, and that's despite having the impulsive flirtyness of the ENFP and the usual desires of a red-blooded male. I want my sexual relationships to be emotionally meaningful, which means that while other people are merrily hooking up when they feel like it, I just couldn't do that.

Anyone else feel the same way?

It's the same with every other aspect of my life -- if it's not emotionally meaningful to me in some way, then I'm not interested.

Maybe that's normal for most people, not just an ENFP thing???

I used to, but I put it down to my youthful idealism and naivity. If it is a principle you hold strongly stick to it. For me it was a principle I held but could never justify, and probably wanted to go against anyway. These days I think casual sex sounds quite fun and I'm sure it has a time. I'm in a relationship though, so now is not that time .

Disclaimer: I'd still be against it when the other party doesn't think it is casual, it has to be mutual, I just like honesty (in some contexts).

 

[LadyJaye]

For me, casual sex feels like walking a mile in ill-fitting shoes. I know this is a combination of my religious upbringing and my inner self. Even if I had no religious convictions particularly, I still don't think I could bring myself to discover people that way. Sex is the most intimate of experiences, and frankly, I don't want to get to know most people that well, unless I'm investing in them. My close personal space is sacred to me ( I don't know if this makes me more introverted? ), and I protect it jealously. I can't ignore the implications ( which sometimes makes my mind reel ) of what connections to others does to me and to them.

 

[ubee0173]

i think it depends on the situation. being an intuitive extrovert, i was (back before this whole married business) very good at distinguishing when a little fling was okay or not okay- i can count on one hand the number one night (or weekend) flings ive had. but in all fairness, you can get to know someone on a very deep and intimate level in a matter of hours- especially if they are also an enfp or similar, then it becomes like a 2 year relationship over 3 days- total exuberant chaos, a complete break from reality... now im just digressing into happy warm fuzzy memories. sigh ))

 

[CzeCze]

Dang it i want to add arrows pointimg to above answer. Basically thats the closest tjing to "getting" it and conveying in words ive seen in this thread. I respect evetyones petsonal stdnce on cadual sex for themselves, everyone ia different. But, YES! Sex or really a sexual relationship with someone yo know really for just a day or week or month - can be tons of fun and alsi feel meaningful, respectful, "special" etc it dorsnt have to be a cheap impersonal awkward thing. Unless youre into that

i guess my point was that you can still name something for what it is - brief, passing, hedonistic - and still derive and imbue it with "meaning". Or at least lots of lust...lol.

Other people may look at these flings as cold and vapid but when im involved it never feels that way to me. Maybe i can look at others flinfs and think the samw thing - cold and meaningless - but to them irs different. And even if ir is just pure unsentimental animal sex? Shrugs whatever two consenting adults knowongly engage in I wont knock it.

Having said that i think having sex too early os DISASTROUS for ENFP relationships but otherwise im still a big fan of good clean sexual escapades with relative "strangers". Can be lots of fun on different levels.

But if its not for you, of coirse dont do it. It wont be any fun for you. Itll prpbably feel alien and wrong and possibly gross but for those other ENFPs - soup's on!!

and lol I just made myself cringe.

 

[Vamp]

Oh great, hookers with a heart of gold!

I am. Not all hookers are bad people. Unless you're judgmental and immature enough to say sex with people you're not married to = bad person.

And of course $$$ talks, shit walks.

 

[tortoise]

I know me, and I know that if I went for casual sex or a summer fling I'd end up unhappy and disappointed. I dislike investing emotionally in things or people that I don't see being a part of my future.

Aye, same.

 

[tortoise]

Hmmmm. That's a good question.

I guess that I need to see the person in action over time so I can understand their value system. If I judge them as passing the test, then I proceed. What that standard is, is hard for me to articulate which means it's probably very Fi based.

In other words, I need to see they have a good heart. And, with some life experience, I've also learned to make the good heart check only the first bar that must be met. They must also show good character under difficult circumstances. This is a much, much, much higher bar to meet.

Once these benchmarks are met, whoa buddy. I'm gonna be all over you. Ha ha!

Do women 'test' men more than vice versa? Is it usual for women to set bars like this? In my experience, being in a relationship involves a fair amount of strength-testing.

This made me think about my criteria for a girlfriend. The main thing is that she enjoys doing things with me (both in and out of the bedroom) and spending time with me and is warm-hearted and won't try to boss me around and won't take advantage of my easy-going nature and won't seduce the hunky tradesmen who fix up the house.