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  1. #71
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    What turns "theoretical" into "practical"?

  2. #72
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Hmmmm. That's a good question.

    I guess that I need to see the person in action over time so I can understand their value system. If I judge them as passing the test, then I proceed. What that standard is, is hard for me to articulate which means it's probably very Fi based.

    In other words, I need to see they have a good heart. And, with some life experience, I've also learned to make the good heart check only the first bar that must be met. They must also show good character under difficult circumstances. This is a much, much, much higher bar to meet.

    Once these benchmarks are met, whoa buddy. I'm gonna be all over you. Ha ha!
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  3. #73
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    Oh great, hookers with a heart of gold!

    It sounds like "whore" isn't really an option. You'd have to be far less discriminating.

  4. #74

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    Quote Originally Posted by tortoise View Post
    I've never had a one night stand or a fling, and that's despite having the impulsive flirtyness of the ENFP and the usual desires of a red-blooded male. I want my sexual relationships to be emotionally meaningful, which means that while other people are merrily hooking up when they feel like it, I just couldn't do that.

    Anyone else feel the same way?

    It's the same with every other aspect of my life -- if it's not emotionally meaningful to me in some way, then I'm not interested.

    Maybe that's normal for most people, not just an ENFP thing???
    I used to, but I put it down to my youthful idealism and naivity. If it is a principle you hold strongly stick to it. For me it was a principle I held but could never justify, and probably wanted to go against anyway. These days I think casual sex sounds quite fun and I'm sure it has a time. I'm in a relationship though, so now is not that time .

    Disclaimer: I'd still be against it when the other party doesn't think it is casual, it has to be mutual, I just like honesty (in some contexts).
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  5. #75
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    For me, casual sex feels like walking a mile in ill-fitting shoes. I know this is a combination of my religious upbringing and my inner self. Even if I had no religious convictions particularly, I still don't think I could bring myself to discover people that way. Sex is the most intimate of experiences, and frankly, I don't want to get to know most people that well, unless I'm investing in them. My close personal space is sacred to me ( I don't know if this makes me more introverted? ), and I protect it jealously. I can't ignore the implications ( which sometimes makes my mind reel ) of what connections to others does to me and to them.

  6. #76
    Senior Member ubee0173's Avatar
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    i think it depends on the situation. being an intuitive extrovert, i was (back before this whole married business) very good at distinguishing when a little fling was okay or not okay- i can count on one hand the number one night (or weekend) flings ive had. but in all fairness, you can get to know someone on a very deep and intimate level in a matter of hours- especially if they are also an enfp or similar, then it becomes like a 2 year relationship over 3 days- total exuberant chaos, a complete break from reality... now im just digressing into happy warm fuzzy memories. sigh ))
    I will buy you a drink and I'll tell you what I think, and tomorrow, in the morning, I won't be sorry that I didn't sleep.


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  7. #77
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Dang it i want to add arrows pointimg to above answer. Basically thats the closest tjing to "getting" it and conveying in words ive seen in this thread. I respect evetyones petsonal stdnce on cadual sex for themselves, everyone ia different. But, YES! Sex or really a sexual relationship with someone yo know really for just a day or week or month - can be tons of fun and alsi feel meaningful, respectful, "special" etc it dorsnt have to be a cheap impersonal awkward thing. Unless youre into that

    i guess my point was that you can still name something for what it is - brief, passing, hedonistic - and still derive and imbue it with "meaning". Or at least lots of lust...lol.

    Other people may look at these flings as cold and vapid but when im involved it never feels that way to me. Maybe i can look at others flinfs and think the samw thing - cold and meaningless - but to them irs different. And even if ir is just pure unsentimental animal sex? Shrugs whatever two consenting adults knowongly engage in I wont knock it.

    Having said that i think having sex too early os DISASTROUS for ENFP relationships but otherwise im still a big fan of good clean sexual escapades with relative "strangers". Can be lots of fun on different levels.

    But if its not for you, of coirse dont do it. It wont be any fun for you. Itll prpbably feel alien and wrong and possibly gross :P but for those other ENFPs - soup's on!!

    and lol I just made myself cringe.
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  8. #78
    Senior Member Vamp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    Oh great, hookers with a heart of gold!
    I am. Not all hookers are bad people. Unless you're judgmental and immature enough to say sex with people you're not married to = bad person.

    And of course $$$ talks, shit walks.
    George Bernard Shaw in cartoon form.

  9. #79
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Devil Flamingo View Post
    I know me, and I know that if I went for casual sex or a summer fling I'd end up unhappy and disappointed. I dislike investing emotionally in things or people that I don't see being a part of my future.
    Aye, same.

  10. #80
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Esoteric Wench View Post
    Hmmmm. That's a good question.

    I guess that I need to see the person in action over time so I can understand their value system. If I judge them as passing the test, then I proceed. What that standard is, is hard for me to articulate which means it's probably very Fi based.

    In other words, I need to see they have a good heart. And, with some life experience, I've also learned to make the good heart check only the first bar that must be met. They must also show good character under difficult circumstances. This is a much, much, much higher bar to meet.

    Once these benchmarks are met, whoa buddy. I'm gonna be all over you. Ha ha!
    Do women 'test' men more than vice versa? Is it usual for women to set bars like this? In my experience, being in a relationship involves a fair amount of strength-testing.

    This made me think about my criteria for a girlfriend. The main thing is that she enjoys doing things with me (both in and out of the bedroom) and spending time with me and is warm-hearted and won't try to boss me around and won't take advantage of my easy-going nature and won't seduce the hunky tradesmen who fix up the house.

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