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  1. #11
    Senior Member hilo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by musicnerd93 View Post
    I'm virgin.

    But, still I think "casual sex" is very trashy and just plain stupid. You shouldn't have sex with someone if you don't have any real feelings for them. Where is that going to get you? It's just going to upset you.

    I, too, believe that things like sex should have more meaning than just "Hi, I'm drunk, wanna get in my pants?" There should be real actual feelings of love invovled. I probably sound like a Sunday school teacher, but that's how I view it.
    I love the virgins dishing out opinions on casual sex and consequences. LOL.

    It really really depends on your values, which in large part derives from your culture/upbringing, especially early in life. In my value system, there does not HAVE to be a meaningful context for gratifying sex to occur, but it is preferable. Do you also feel guilty about masturbation? Or just when someone else does it for you?
    I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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  2. #12
    Senior Member Vamp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hilo View Post
    I love the virgins dishing out opinions on casual sex and consequences. LOL.
    That is pretty funny. Those are always the ones telling you how it should be. Those who've never done it. Or haven't lived enough to get to the point where you find out life isn't black and white.
    George Bernard Shaw in cartoon form.

  3. #13
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hilo View Post
    I love the virgins dishing out opinions on casual sex and consequences. LOL.

    It really really depends on your values, which in large part derives from your culture/upbringing, especially early in life. In my value system, there does not HAVE to be a meaningful context for gratifying sex to occur, but it is preferable. Do you also feel guilty about masturbation? Or just when someone else does it for you?
    Me, I wouldn't even call it a value system, just a preference. In my value system, I am OK with it, it's not a guilt thing. It just seems such an intimate thing to do without a real emotional bond.

  4. #14
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    one thing that makes me pause concerning this issue is that there's no middle ground being covered between random hookups/one-night stands and relationship sex, at least if we are to assume that casual sex = sex outside of a relationship.

    like the OP i certainly prefer sexy time to be with someone i love, but i tried other ways to come to this knowledge. I have to have feelings of some sort sure, but love is simply my favourite option, not the only one.

    provided that boundaries are drawn, the parties involved are responsible and honest (with themselves and with others) legitimate no-strings-attached sexual friendships or casual dates can be had without anyone getting upset. it's little more than a sexual attraction between people who otherwise wanted to be friends; fuck buddies if you will, i guess. but rather than a relationship based solely on sex, as casual sex is being framed here they were friendships where sex is is part of the friendship. Admittedly it's not for everyone...what is? but suffice to say it can and does happen.
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  5. #15
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    I've had friends-with-benefits situations where there is a real friendship but we were both single and not compatible relationship-wise. I very much enjoy making love to a friend who I care about knowing that we both understand where we stand.

  6. #16
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    One of the many things that puts me off one night stands is that I would imagine that the person coming on to me habitually has random sex partners. If over breakfast I found I liked this girl who woke up in my bed and want to see her again, there will always be at the back of my mind a lack of trust because she was so willing to go to bed with me straight away. And I would feel like a player too and not trustworthy. If over breakfast I find I don't like her that much, how horrible after a night of intimacy!

  7. #17
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    And?

  8. #18
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tortoise View Post
    I've had friends-with-benefits situations where there is a real friendship but we were both single and not compatible relationship-wise. I very much enjoy making love to a friend who I care about knowing that we both understand where we stand.
    I find mental/emotional connections to be pure and sacred, but sex doesn't have to be. Personally, it's good for me to accept that not everyone is meant to be the love of my life and just because they aren't doesn't mean we can't enjoy each other's company ... sexually. It has taken me some time to soothe my Fi though.

  9. #19
    Senior Member HotpinkHeatwave's Avatar
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    I have to atleast KNOW the person (have had talked to them for atleast a few weeks). It upsets me a little when I know there is not emotional connection between us, but I get over it quickly. I realize it's casual sex. It's not worth any fretting. I just move on.

  10. #20
    Senior Member HotpinkHeatwave's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tortoise View Post
    I've had friends-with-benefits situations where there is a real friendship but we were both single and not compatible relationship-wise. I very much enjoy making love to a friend who I care about knowing that we both understand where we stand.
    Wow. This is pretty much what I was trying to say in my first post.

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