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[NF] NF's and reading people, social settings and emotions

alcea rosea

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Hi you other NF's! I was wondering if the following "issues" are common among NF's...

How common is it for you/us NF's to be good at reading people? With reading people I mean recognizing their emotions, seeing if they are "up to something", seeing if they are sick or not feeling well, understanding their motives and all that?

I was also wondering how common it is for NF's to share emotions with people (meaning empathy here, but the kind of empathy that you share the other persons emotion, you feel it in yourself -> explained here because there are so many contradictionary explantaions of empahty)? Do you have problems in negative group situations when other people's emotions get stuck on you?

A third question would be that are NF's good in reading the social settings, the situation in hand with people? Meaning that when entering a new group, new social setting, are you able to understand the dynamics of the group, are you able to "feel" the group athmosphere? Are you able to see who is the leader, who is the least popular one etc? Do you do it naturally or does it take effort to see this?
 

KDude

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Here's a long answer.


In most situations that I enter, I don't see them operating like a heirarchy (with leaders, etc.. I guess that used to happen a long time ago. Thank God that's mostly over with), but I can notice who has a dominant presence, who's trying to have one, who's more lowkey/chill and may or may not have a dominant presence too, who looks like they served in the military, who seems like they have unique taste, who's being social but actually shy, who's not shy but not being social, etc..

I tend to recognize if someone is not feeling well.. or just moody (it would take longer to know here.. with already known friends/acquaintances, I can detect something and might ask them).

I can feel empathy in the way you talk about, for sure. Sometimes it's not intense in person though (although I would still help if needed). Sometimes the more intense stuff comes when I'm just thinking alone later on. As for sharing typical emotions though, no. It's almost like... that scares me in a way. Like, there's that question on the cognitive test here that asks "Do you feel intimate oneness with people?" and I put it pretty low. That's a unique occassion that I'd reserve for love/closest friends/family/or that deeper empathy I mentioned above, usually as a result of some trouble they're going through.

Negative emotions definitely have me wanting to get out. Or if I detect massive ignorance or (not to be extreme) darkness, I need to leave.
 

Amargith

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Quite common for me.

The last question I have to do an effort for to make it work as groups aren't my thing, but I will naturally do it for instance at work as it's part of my duties.
 

alcea rosea

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Here's a long answer.

:)

In most situations that I enter, I don't see them operating like a heirarchy (with leaders, etc.. I guess that used to happen a long time ago. Thank God that's mostly over with), but I can notice who has a dominant presence, who's trying to have one, who's more lowkey/chill and may or may not have a dominant presence too, who looks like they served in the military, who seems like they have unique taste, who's being social but actually shy, who's not shy but not being social, etc..

So you do evaluate the social setting, does it come naturally to you or do yo have to make an efforf?

I tend to recognize if someone is not feeling well.. or just moody (it would take longer to know here.. with already known friends/acquaintances, I can detect something and might ask them).

Do you notice it the "logical" way by making the assumption by looking at the person or do you "feel" it intuitively? By logica I mean: hmmm. s/he does look angry, so she must be angry. By intuitively feeling I mean that hmmm. something doesn't feel right (feeling maybe anxiety yourself) + s/he looks angry => she is angry.

How do you react on noticing somebody being e.g angry or sad? Do you have a need to act, e.g. to be soothing to the person who is angry or do are you comforting if the person is sad? Or do you feel urge to be soothing/comforting or something else but dont' act upon it?

This made me wonder if NF's are more prone to do something when they notice somebody's mood than other temperament types?

I can feel empathy in the way you talk about, for sure. Sometimes it's not intense in person though (although I would still help if needed). Sometimes the more intense stuff comes when I'm just thinking alone later on. As for sharing typical emotions though, no. It's almost like... that scares me in a way. Like, there's that question on the cognitive test here that asks "Do you feel intimate oneness with people?" and I put it pretty low. That's a unique occassion that I'd reserve for love/closest friends/family/or that deeper empathy I mentioned above, usually as a result of some trouble they're going through.

Negative emotions definitely have me wanting to get out. Or if I detect massive ignorance or (not to be extreme) darkness, I need to leave.

Bolded part - feeling other people's emotions in a very intense way is kind of scary, I definitely agree. I mean how can other person's emotion affect another person so strongly when nothing "visible" happens? And how come some people have it stronger and others don't. There are probably some biological/scientifical explanation for this but still it's strange when it happens to you.

Quite common for me.

The last question I have to do an effort for to make it work as groups aren't my thing, but I will naturally do it for instance at work as it's part of my duties.

So, you co the evaluation naturally, but don't really like to do it? What do you mean that groups aren't your thing, if you don't mind me asking?


:laugh:
 

Amargith

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I'll give you a for instance:

At my job, we have several young people coming together to prep in a common area. When I walk in, I'm not the light of the party. Everyone knows me and says hi, but they go about their business. One of the other youngsters is an ESFJ..she gets the group going, laughing..bonding, pretty much. Not my cup of tea, though I'll join in. I won't usually start it though. Yesterday, one of the girls sat in the chair a bit withdrawn and with a sad expression. So I told her to talk a walk with me, outside the common room. She ended up crying in my arms, relieving some stress before we went back. That's what I like to do. That's what I notice instantly, without trying.

I have to consciously decide to probe a group of people to check what the general atmosphere is (unless it's extremely clear), and I won't feel the urge to change it, unless it's clearly necessary, and even then it's a chore. The girl on the bench though..that's all natural, and I'll still do that if I'm already running on fumes..coz that's what tickles me, that's what I without thinking will notice and feel compelled to do something about.
 

alcea rosea

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Another question for NF's:

When meeting with new people, do you "feel" the person you meet? (Not physically, but in your "mind"/"body")

My own experience:
Some people "feel" very warm when meeting them. It's a soothing feeling of comfort with them. They don't actually feel warm when I touch them nor do I feel actually warmness in me, but I describe the feeling I get from them as warmness.

Whereas some people feel very cold when meeting them. It's a combination of feeling almost "rudeness" and ignorance. It's not like that person would feel cold or I would be physically any more cold when meeting them. It's the "sensation" that I get from the person.

And then there are people that don't really feel like anything when meeting them. Then there are really few people that made me feel totally scared and of course many other feelings from people when meeting them at the first time.

Or is just that I personally react to certain emotions with certain feelings in myself and it's not actually about how the other person is, but more like how I connect emotions to certain "feeling responses" in myself?

But would that be common for NF's to do when meeting people? If you do, would you say that it's something that actually "radiates" from other person, or do you think it's more about how you yourself react to certain emotions you see on other people?
 

You

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Don't steal my job, Satine.
 

Amargith

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INA

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Even more common is an outsized confidence that they've read people correctly.
 

KDude

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So you do evaluate the social setting, does it come naturally to you or do yo have to make an efforf?

It usually wouldn't take effort to get basic impressions. I'm not evaluating.. I guess most of it is just working in the back of my head in a way. Some surface behaviors or appearances or overhearing some snippet of a conversation style (or conversation subject) might trigger something. It depends, I guess. Kind of like the way where you flip through tv channels, only see a quick blip of some movie, and you get an idea of what it is. Except I usually don't mind looking closer. Even though some people might have something recognizable about them, they're always unique too. As long as they're pleasant people, I wouldn't mind the company, and I would eventually see something that surprises me (and I kind of want to be surprised..in a good way at least).
 

Lily flower

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I read people really well, as far as their emotions. What I have trouble with is knowing what causes that emotion. Unfortunately, I usually attribute all emotions, but especially negative ones, to myself as the cause. If I see someone who isn't as friendly or seems mad or down, I immediately start scanning our latest interactions to see if I did something wrong. I'm sure that 98% of the time, their emotions have nothing to do with me. I am trying to find a way to not take things personally.
 
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