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  1. #41
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    If he is begging and pleading and being honest and making efforts to communicate and to understand you and really being prince-fucking-A-charming, then great, there's hope, but if he's just letting this slip into oblivion by letting "water pass under the bridge" I would be hesitant to consider this a one time "Oopsy, I slipped on a banana peel, and I fell down, and my dick ended up inside her, how did that happen?"
    Eh. That's very dangerous. They could be all kinds of charming and try really hard (they know how) and be a real sweetie but then, it is a hundred times harder to let go and think clearly and make the right choice for her. In the end ... is he sincere? Can she believe him? Does it make it forgivable? Will she be less hurt? Would his apology make up for what he did?

    Haha, slipped on a banana.

  2. #42
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    Hmmmm, if he acted this way then I would say that previous examinations of his actions have a good chance of being false, or are used very superficially. I.e. he is prince charming, sweet, considerate etc. only because he has motives to be this way. The motives? Trying to keep you from discovering his actions. That's how I see it.

  3. #43
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Only the meanest of the mean...


    Blasted gerbils!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. #44
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    Ever heard of eternal blue balls?
    Blue balls yes. Eternal blue balls? No. Enlighten me.

  5. #45
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    Eh. That's very dangerous. They could be all kinds of charming and try really hard (they know how) and be a real sweetie but then, it is a hundred times harder to let go and think clearly and make the right choice for her. In the end ... is he sincere? Can she believe him? Does it make it forgivable? Will she be less hurt? Would his apology make up for what he did?
    The point is that sometimes good people fuck up. And sometimes they do whatever is necessary to make things right. It's not a matter of an apology making up for what he did, that's just the start of it. Believe me, there is a steep hill to climb, especially in winning back the trust of a female INFJ. I know this first hand, because unfortunately after 8 years of a rocky marriage, I made that mistake. I came clean, and did what was needed to reconcile, and that is not a quick process.

    But, if a guy is willing to do that, and stay the course, that is your indicator of whether or not he is sincere and honest about reconciliation. Are there sociopath fuck ups out there? Yes. Should they be shot? Yes. Does this guy sound like a douchebag? Absolutely. But does that mean every guy who has fucked up by being unfaithful is incapable of reconciling and making things right? Hell no.

    It takes two to make things go right, and also two to make things go badly. Sometimes people are unfaithful because there is a void in their lives that is not being filled in their relationships. It's the wrong way to handle it, but it happens.

    Women fuck off too, you know. My ex did that to me after me being a perfect boyfriend for 4 years. Did I give her another chance? Yup. Did she fuck up again? Yup. Did I ever speak to her again after that. NOPE.

    These situations are not always as black and white as many would like to believe. The dynamics between two people in a romantic relationship are vast and unpredictable. Shit happens. Why it happened, and how it gets handled are the determining factors on whether or not things should continue.

    The BF in the OP is just sitting on his ass doing nothing. He needs to get shit canned.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    Haha, slipped on a banana.
    Glad you like my humor.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecttcelfeR View Post
    Hmmmm, if he acted this way then I would say that previous examinations of his actions have a good chance of being false, or are used very superficially. I.e. he is prince charming, sweet, considerate etc. only because he has motives to be this way. The motives? Trying to keep you from discovering his actions. That's how I see it.
    You are not a psychic who can see the thoughts, inclinations, and motivations of people in the past and present. But, you are entitled to an opinion. If everyone took this attitude toward people attempting to atone for their wrongdoings, then there would be no forgiveness, and the world would be an awfully horrible place. Think about that.
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  6. #46
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    The point is that sometimes good people fuck up. And sometimes they do whatever is necessary to make things right. It's not a matter of an apology making up for what he did, that's just the start of it. Believe me, there is a steep hill to climb, especially in winning back the trust of a female INFJ. I know this first hand, because unfortunately after 8 years of a rocky marriage, I made that mistake. I came clean, and did what was needed to reconcile, and that is not a quick process.

    But, if a guy is willing to do that, and stay the course, that is your indicator of whether or not he is sincere and honest about reconciliation. Are there sociopath fuck ups out there? Yes. Should they be shot? Yes. Does this guy sound like a douchebag? Absolutely. But does that mean every guy who has fucked up by being unfaithful is incapable of reconciling and making things right? Hell no.

    It takes two to make things go right, and also two to make things go badly. Sometimes people are unfaithful because there is a void in their lives that is not being filled in their relationships. It's the wrong way to handle it, but it happens.

    Women fuck off too, you know. My ex did that to me after me being a perfect boyfriend for 4 years. Did I give her another chance? Yup. Did she fuck up again? Yup. Did I ever speak to her again after that. NOPE.

    These situations are not always as black and white as many would like to believe. The dynamics between two people in a romantic relationship are vast and unpredictable. Shit happens. Why it happened, and how it gets handled are the determining factors on whether or not things should continue.
    Very well said.

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  7. #47
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Personally, I'm not sure I could forgive someone for this kind of thing...even if I truely belived it was a one time lapse in judgement. I think the pain of being in thier presence would be too much for my heart to take.

    Speaking from a more impartial stance. I think there are some people who make one horrible mistake and are worth forgiving. I think these people are the teeniest, tiniest of exceptions...one in a million. I actualy have a friend (INTJ I would guess) whose boyfriend (INTP I would guess) cheated on her about a year or two into their relationship. She forgave him, but she put a lot of distance between the two of them and he had to earn his way back in. Also, while she listened to the reasons why he cheated and tried to improve things that were in herr control she NEVER, NEVER took any kind of responsibility or blame for his cheating. He had to prove himself all over again and when she said "jump" he said "how high?" for a long time and if he hadn't I guarantee she whould have kicked his butt out the door so fast his head would have spun...and he knew it. They have been together for over 15 years now an married for about 10 of those years.

    I think that forgivness is not wasted on the right person. But they also have to know that you are capable of leaving without looking back if they mess up again and there has to be consequences for their actions. Even then it is a risk. I could happen again. Only you are capable of knowing if he is worth that risk.
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  8. #48
    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    What kind of person would do something like that?
    The kind of girls that like me, apparently.

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  9. #49
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Words of Ivory View Post
    The kind of girls that like me, apparently.
    You will find the right one for you. It just takes time.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    What kind of person would do something like that?
    Quote Originally Posted by Words of Ivory View Post
    The kind of girls that like me, apparently.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    You will find the right one for you. It just takes time.
    You also might want to start dating girls who don't like you...

    But seriously, though, your story sounds pretty harsh.

    Have you identified what about you seems to attract these kinds of women?

    You might need to start evaluating what it is about the women you're attracted to/the women who are attracted to you that causes them to repeatedly do this...

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