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  1. #11
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Did you actually ask him if it was true, that he had cheated on you?

    Did you talk to him about how that made you feel?

    Or has it remained highly suspected but unproven, unspoken?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  2. #12
    Epiphany
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    Quote Originally Posted by PsychedelicPlatypus View Post
    That's been the general consensus I guess...it's all just very confusing because he's never done anything else wrong, and we've been together for over a year and half now. I feel like it would be going against what he...deserves?
    He's not the one who came out and told you that he cheated. A friend sent you a text message. How do you know he hasn't cheated on you with other women that your friends are completely unaware of?

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    You teach people how to treat you. He's shown you the ultimate disrespect and life has gone on as usual. That tells him that you'll take whatever comes your way.
    I agree.

    You should pamper him one day, get him all aroused, then leave him hanging and never come back.

  3. #13
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    People never know what the best thing to do is. If they saw you happy with him, how horrible to be the one to burst your bubble, and for what, because he does seem to care for you, right? if you do a poll "would you tell/wouldn't you tell" equally well-intentioned people will answer differently and give good reasons.
    Agreed. I think it'd be worth asking her friends why they didn't tell her. They may have genuinely meant well enough. For example, I'm a pretty damn loyal friend, but in that situation there's a 75% chance I keep my mouth shut.

  4. #14
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Also - did the friend who DID tell you have some other reason to do it? And why by text message? I feel vicariously angry!

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mask Manifest View Post
    You should pamper him one day, get him all aroused, then leave him hanging and never come back.
    I am Zarathustra, and I support this message.

  6. #16
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    ^Is that really the worst revenge you can take, as opposed to simply dumping/leaving him?

  7. #17
    shadow boxer strawberries's Avatar
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    hullo new infj monotreme

    i'm not an infj, but i was cheated on once (that i know about) and i left. i was brutal in my leaving and i savagely tore him down verbally and made him cry.

    i didn't regret leaving for a moment and i don't regret the ugly things i said to him. this will keep eating at you. take control of it.

    BTW - your platypus avatar is quite delightful.

    best wishes
    strawberries.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your friends probably didn't tell you because they didn't want to be the ones to hurt you. But of course, that logic doesn't work, because that hurt you even more.

    From what I have heard, cheaters will always be cheaters. You deserve better.

  9. #19
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Yes it's happened to me and I forgave them. Won't get into the details.

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  10. #20
    Senior Member sulfit's Avatar
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    If you stay in a relationship with a cheater, the fact that he is untrustworthy will gnaw on you deep down inside forever. It is like an ulcer that never heals. For INFJs trust is a key issue in any relationship. Once somebody deals a huge blow to it like sleeping with somebody else behind your back, our trust just doesn't recoil with same strength and relationship remains damaged for a long, long time. On surface you might tell yourself that you have forgiven him, that everything is fine now, that it was in the past, that he is so nice and charming with you now, but deep down inside you will always remember this incident. Come any future offenses from him, the memory will surface up and you will say "I told myself so and it was stupid to stay".

    This is not to mention that I think cheaters should be made to suffer consequences of their behavior. Not out of hatred and malice of the victim but simply because otherwise they will morally degrade, start thinking that is wasn't such a big deal after all. This makes them more likely to cheat again in the future and likely to hurt more people if they aren't made to go through the negative consequences of their behavior.

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