[MBTI General] INF's and Vulnerability

[Luminous]

Not only am I INFP, but I'm also sxdom. The thing I crave more than anything is a complete vulnerability and emotional and psychological nudity shared with a special someone. An intense bonding. This is not what everyone wants, I was disappointed to find.

The key words there are special someone. When I share like that, I'm sharing the deepest parts of myself, the truest parts of myself, and it's something of a compliment and gift to the person I'm sharing with. I hold those inner parts of me as dear and important, they are my high values and ideals, they are not to be given away freely.

What Brene Brown says about vulnerability and courage strikes a chord with me:

Best-selling author Brené Brown says "there's a lot of mythology about vulnerability, and the big one is that it's weakness." ...

"We don't understand that vulnerability is the center of hard emotions, the stuff that we don't want to feel especially at work. But it's also the birthplace of trust, love, belonging, courage," Brown said Tuesday on "CBS This Morning."

In her Netflix special, Brown tells the audience: "There are millions of cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never once step foot in that arena. They will never once put themselves out there. But they will make it a full-time job to hurdle criticism and judgment and really hateful things toward us. And we have got to get out of the habit of catching them and dissecting and holding them close to our hearts. We've got to let them drop on the floor."

"Don't grab that hurtful stuff from the cheap seats and pull it close," she adds. "Don't pull it anywhere near your heart."

Brown told "CBS This Morning" that in 22 years of doing her work she's "never seen the cheap seats like they are today."

Brown has two decades of experience researching courage, shame and empathy. "There is no courage without being all in. Like, if you can do something and not feel vulnerable, it's probably not that brave," she said.

But she said people can get used to be vulnerable and managing the discomfort. "Maybe in that way, bravery becomes a practice and feels less scary. But I think, I know for myself, every time I'm being brave, I feel scared," Brown said.

Hard things are born of vulnerability, whether it be heartbreak or grief of disappointment, she said.

"But love, joy, belonging, intimacy, trust, creating, innovation are also born," Brown said. "So when we armor up to block the hard stuff, that armor keeps all the experiences that bring meaning to our lives away as well."

For Brown, she'd rather risk the vulnerability than to ask herself at the end of her life: "What if I would have shown up? What if I would have said yes?"

"To me, that's more terrifying than putting myself out there," Brown said.

Brene Brown Netflix special: Vulnerability is the "birthplace of trust, love, belonging, courage" - CBS News

 

[Zhaylin]

I'll have to look that up, [MENTION=35566]Luminous[/MENTION]. Thanks for the link.
This has always been a weird topic for me. When I was a kid-early 20's, I was guarded and more secretive. I thought I was too dark and broken. As I've lived, though, I've learned I'm not nearly as (completely) messed up as I thought.... and people can't use your secrets against you if you don't have any to begin with.... PLUS, the people who run from our secrets are people we're better losing early on in a relationship than years later.

Since realizing that, I started to over-share a whole lot more. What makes me uncomfortable, though, is the discomfort of the other person.

We're I'm vulnerable is in allowing people to SEE my emotions. I tend to verbalize them easily: "I'm happy/sad/angry/shocked." I easily and readily smile and chuckle. That's it. A lot of times, words just aren't enough (for others).

Being sp/so, I just want to be left alone and in peace. Even with my husband and kids, we'll spend some time together or speak over FaceTime, and then I'm good lol. Otherwise, I feel smothered (I'm too people pleasing- so my existence becomes one for their sakes alone but; my core need is solitude, which means I get really worn down and overly stressed after a while)

 

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Nope. Not sharing the deep stuff. I suppose what is the deep stuff is determined by personal fears and priorities though. I’ve mentioned things that some never admit and it isn’t something I feel is a weakness or an exposure. What I wouldn’t reveal under pain of death they might see as inconsequential. I understand emotions very well. However, I rarely seek advice or divulge what I consider my private world. I definitely have personal details that leave me feeling emotionally naked if I’m made to discuss them and I absolutely despise that feeling.