User Tag List

First 12

Results 11 to 19 of 19

  1. #11
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    8,559

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Random Ness View Post
    Yep, it's a common thing. It's like, if you don't depend on me, what's the point to us being friends?
    I don't make friends based on what they can do for me. Half the close friends I have can't do much for me due to their resource base being much less than mine and they're two provinces away. However, when I get to spend time with them there are things I can do and things I can say that I can't around other people. I suppose you could say what they do for me is care about and appreciate, which is all I ask.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #12
    Member Affably Evil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    73

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Random Ness View Post
    Yep, it's a common thing. It's like, if you don't depend on me, what's the point to us being friends?
    Call me selfish, but my needing help shouldn't be about you needing our friendship validated. I had a friend who, when I told her some private things while drunk, ended up explosively crying because I hadn't told her when I was going through it. Then I had to take care of her feelings, instead of trying to deal with mine.

    I'm always ready to listen to friends and help them if they need it, but it feels oppressive when someone is trying to force-feed their help to you when you just need to bleed off some of the extra emotion or frustration with it. What someone does for me as a friend has much more to do with their willingness to listen and help me understand and articulate the problems for myself — less with trying to jump ahead to the solutions before they've shown that they've got a grip on what's going on just to try to erase the temporary hurt or frustration.

    5w4, for what it's worth. Friendship for me is much more about trust, listening and steadfastness.

  3. #13
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    738
    Socionics
    ILE None
    Posts
    7,265

    Default

    Then leave them be. It's not like there's a lack of "unfullfilled potential" in the world.

    Also, maybe the 'helper' is just an annoying judgmental *bad bad word* to some extent or another.
    ps: I wasn't talking about the author of the OP, which I didn't read.
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

    Theory is always superseded by Fact...
    ... In theory.

    “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.”
    Richard Feynman's last recorded words

    "Great is the human who has not lost his childlike heart."
    Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th century BCE

  4. #14
    Senior Member flameskull95's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    XXXX
    Posts
    320

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by musicnerd93 View Post
    Is this common among NFs? Feel free to share any thoughts, opinions or personal experiences.
    I hear INFPs are bad at judging themselves so I'm not going to compare you to me, 'cause I probably do this shit too in other ways. And I've just found out that I'm a terrible self-judge.

    But anyways, I'm pretty sure when you try to do the 'right' thing, you get rejected and not only do you feel hopeless(which INFPs hate, as they are such believers and dreamers). You feel as though the reject is getting in the way of your ideals(which are an INFP's catalysts to action), which are both practically the same thing but they are too different kinds of low for INFPs.

    This may make you think that they're not doing the right thing. But it's actually what you're expecting that's not right. - It's the certain way we think they should respond, as in, we expect so much from ourselves that we actually carry that same thing onto other people.

    I think both of you are wrong in this situation. She obviously is disregarding the people around her just 'cause she's 'stressed', but on the other side, you're probably making it worse for her, 'cause then she would have to kinda take 'care of you in a way, - if you get what I'm saying. Sometimes the right thing to do maybe isn't in helping other people directly but helping them help themselves.... if that makes sense to you.

    But this may just be a huge assumption that I'm babbling on about, oh crap, don't judge me. lol. hahaha. :workout:
    I'm a INFP - The sociopath

    I think I'm either a 4w5, 4w3, 6w5 or 9w1. Most possibly 4w5.

    Feeling FiNe

  5. #15
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by musicnerd93 View Post
    Maybe I'm an unhealthy NF, but for some reason, I get offended when people don't want my help. I don't know if this is common among NF's or if it is just a personal, paranoia issue.

    Anyway, a friend of mine has two young kids. One a newborn, the other about a year old. Anyone who has kids knows that this can be stressful. So, I offered to come over and baby-sit and/or run some errands for her if she needed me to. She politely declined.

    Well, I later found out that one of our mutual friends was doing the same thing, after I had volunteered myself. I politely reminded her that I would still like to help in any way I could. To which she replied: "Oh, I thought you were joking." :steam: It sounds like a stupid reason to get mad, and maybe it is. But, for some reason, it pissed me off beyond belief. I mean, did she really think I was that narcissistic to actually be joking about wanting to help her out??

    Also, I'm a senior in highschool, and we all know highschool is drama, drama, drama. Most of it involving a close friend of mine. When she escapes to the bathroom to cry and throw a tantrum I always ask if she would like a hug or if she wants to talk. She always says "No! Just go away! I don't want to talk to anyone!"

    I know I shouldn't take it personally or be offended, but for some reason, I am.


    Is this common among NFs? Feel free to share any thoughts, opinions or personal experiences.
    Sometimes people want to be left alone. As an INFP you should be able to relate.

    Maybe there's some deep need in you to feel needed by someone and the best way to deal with that appropriately would be to volunteer somewhere where you're sure to be needed - like working with the homeless, or in an animal shelter, or doing beach clean-ups, etc.

  6. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    249

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Sometimes people want to be left alone. As an INFP you should be able to relate.

    Maybe there's some deep need in you to feel needed by someone and the best way to deal with that appropriately would be to volunteer somewhere where you're sure to be needed - like working with the homeless, or in an animal shelter, or doing beach clean-ups, etc.
    You do have a point. ^ I certainly can relate.

  7. #17
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    IxFx
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    859

    Default

    This is sooo mid 90's for me. I can't even remember how old I was back then. That side of me is long gone. Today I can totally understand why people don't want my help. And I've learned to wait for them to ask for my help. When they ask I let them do the work, I try to be modest, honest, and calm.

    Back when I was younger I was likely to excess everything, so it sounded something like "No no no no, don't do that. For God's sake don't do that. If you do that the world will explode," which is really quite annoying.

    Being an INFP and all, you'll self-reflect on this later, hahaha.

  8. #18
    garbage
    Guest

    Default

    My friend's alternator was acting up. He was on the highway and headed home, and he was halfway afraid that if he idled, he'd be stranded. During our conversation, he sort of gave me a broad idea of where he was. I offered to help, and he didn't particularly reply one way or another. I drove down to the general area where he was and couldn't find him after a cursory look, so I turned back.

    And, you know.. everything worked out well for him. He didn't get stranded, and he managed to get home and get his car checked out on his own. If he needed my help, he would have called me later on.

    I did all that I could do. I'm not going to force myself on someone, and I'm not going to feel guilty about not being able to help.

    I really don't know a damn thing about cars anyway; all I would have been able to do is give him a ride or jumpstart his car if his car died.

    I'm willing to help when I'm capable of helping and when the other person expresses a need or accepts my offer for help. Often, I'm also not going to feel too enthusiastic about helping unless the other person shows that they're also working toward fixing their own problems.

    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Hmm.. I might press a second time. "You sure?"
    I can definitely see this. Offering to help is sometimes seen as the "polite" thing to do. In turn, refusing the help is also seen as "polite." Asking "are you sure?" signals that you actually do want to help and that you won't feel burdened by doing so.

    Pressing on after that? Yeah, not good.

    Quote Originally Posted by Affably Evil View Post
    Call me selfish, but my needing help shouldn't be about you needing our friendship validated. I had a friend who, when I told her some private things while drunk, ended up explosively crying because I hadn't told her when I was going through it. Then I had to take care of her feelings, instead of trying to deal with mine.
    Wow, yeah

    If someone continually "helps" me in a way that I don't actually need, it's not particularly helping me at all--at that point, I know it's more about the other person's needs than about mine.

  9. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    3w2
    Socionics
    EIE None
    Posts
    320

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by musicnerd93 View Post
    Maybe I'm an unhealthy NF, but for some reason, I get offended when people don't want my help. I don't know if this is common among NF's or if it is just a personal, paranoia issue.

    Anyway, a friend of mine has two young kids. One a newborn, the other about a year old. Anyone who has kids knows that this can be stressful. So, I offered to come over and baby-sit and/or run some errands for her if she needed me to. She politely declined.

    Well, I later found out that one of our mutual friends was doing the same thing, after I had volunteered myself. I politely reminded her that I would still like to help in any way I could. To which she replied: "Oh, I thought you were joking." :steam: It sounds like a stupid reason to get mad, and maybe it is. But, for some reason, it pissed me off beyond belief. I mean, did she really think I was that narcissistic to actually be joking about wanting to help her out??

    Also, I'm a senior in highschool, and we all know highschool is drama, drama, drama. Most of it involving a close friend of mine. When she escapes to the bathroom to cry and throw a tantrum I always ask if she would like a hug or if she wants to talk. She always says "No! Just go away! I don't want to talk to anyone!"

    I know I shouldn't take it personally or be offended, but for some reason, I am.


    Is this common among NFs? Feel free to share any thoughts, opinions or personal experiences.
    Hmmm......
    No. Not for me, as a fellow NF. I am never hurt by this.
    That's probably though bc I like others to respect my desire to help myself in turn.

    However, I have a Q for you MusicNerd-
    What if someone accepts your help time & time again, only for you to find, somewhere down the road, that they didn't really need all of that help? Would you resent it?
    I ask bc of a specific situation in my life.

    Also, to what pt do you begin to feel resentful when offering someone help- do you hope that help is reciprocated?

    I actually have an infp friend who... well this is an issue btwn us. I think she may be offended when I offer her help.

    And I accepted her help even when I didnt need it, bc I thought she needed to give it, only to find her frazzled & frustrated and I thought I was doing her a favor.

    So we are still making an adjustment, but I'm too independent of a person to accept much help from others. Eek!

Similar Threads

  1. Why do some people don't want anything?
    By Typoz in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 54
    Last Post: 12-18-2012, 12:00 PM
  2. When people don't reply to threads you've started
    By Such Irony in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 11-11-2010, 04:10 PM
  3. [MBTItm] When You Don't Want To Believe Your Intuition
    By Betty Blue in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 06-12-2010, 11:57 AM
  4. Things come only when you don't want/need them?
    By Athenian200 in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 10-21-2009, 02:51 AM
  5. Replies: 42
    Last Post: 09-12-2008, 08:03 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO