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  1. #1
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    Default ENFJ a real friend?

    I have an ENFJ in my life that acts like I am a great friend, but the more I read about ENFJ's, the more I find that they are super-charming to everyone. So my question is... how do I know if he is really my friend or is just being charming? (this is not a romantic question, it is a friendship question)
    Last edited by Lily flower; 08-30-2010 at 10:29 AM.

  2. #2
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    ...If he spends a significant amount of time with you, or goes out of his way to spend time with you he probably genuinely wants to be your friend.

    In my experience with ENFJs, they're not going to go out of their way to do something they don't want to do. If they have to see you like at a class or something they'll smile and be charming. But they won't hang out with you after class if they don't have to, ya know?

    If you're inviting him to something and he accepts... It's because he WANTS to hang out with you.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  3. #3
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    My ENFJ friend is a friendly guy, and he can be cordial towards all- even those that he dislikes. But I can tell we are friends (even though we met at work) because I can see how far we've come. We didn't get along at first, but we are way better than we were at first. I'll bounce off stuff with him, and he'll do the same with me as far as religious or love or stuff like that (we are both politically neutral).

    From what I understand, INFJs are all about quality relationships as well. Between you and him, is the difference between dom/aux Ni and Fe, so there would be more similarities between you two than differences.

    I guess that's your Ni playing tricks on you. There's doesn't sound like he's doing anything out of the ordinary. Like you said he's busy- so that might be it.

    How old are you?

  4. #4
    Glycerine
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    Listen to the kickass ISTJs. Does the person go out of his way to interact with you? If yes, he sees you as a friend.

  5. #5
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Thanks for this! It helped me too

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Hmmm...you caught him staring at you like 10 times? Sounds like he might have a crush on you .
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  7. #7
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    We're all jackasses. Run! Run for your lives!
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  8. #8
    Junior Member Razvan's Avatar
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    sure you are I don't know why, but I just don't feel like running.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valerie View Post
    positives...he gets a great big smile when he sees me, he says he loves me (which I know he means as a friend), he tells me how much my friendship means to him, hugs me a lot, when we talk (on the phone, especially) the conversation is usually somewhat intimate (he and I both share personal information) and very positive and encouraging, when we are at a party he usually comes over to talk to me before I come over to talk to him.
    Wow Really? Does he hug everyone? I don't hug, like, anyone.

    Depends though, but I don't typically ever initiate a hug. Only very, very rarely & w/ ppl very special to me.

    Also... as an enfj he should be aware of the implications that spreading "I love you" can have and even if he says it to friends, should be only close friends. Then again it may be different for male enfjs.

    I pretty much never say I love you, except to, again, ppl with whom I feel extremely comfortable. My boundaries are just too thin to be saying stuff like that to anyone.

    Also, another telltale sign-

    If he goes to the extent of telling you how much your friendship means to him... well for me, I only very rarely do that. And its typically reserved for ppl I feel a deeper connection w/, unique ppl I consider special.
    Quote Originally Posted by Valerie View Post
    negatives...I am almost always the initiator of contact (phone calls, emails, etc.) and I am the one who almost always issues the invitations to do something (although he almost always says yes). (He has an extremely busy schedule and is very popular.)
    I agree w/ those who say that if he is saying yes (like more than 50% of the time) he genuinely enjoys your company.
    Quote Originally Posted by Valerie View Post
    one weird thing...I have caught him staring at me, maybe 10 different times over the last year, usually with a really intense look that I can't really define.
    Now this I can relate to.

    At least for me, this means I am reading the person.

    That really intense look means I must find the person interesting enough in the first place to notice them, and that frequently- yes even just 10 times over the past year- means I think the person's personality is layered with complexity. Which I like, a lot.

    However... when you notice him staring at you can he tell you've noticed?

    I'm guessing you are able, as an infj, to pick it up quite accurately within your peripheral vision this intense kind of staring and would be less likely to make eye contact in these moments.

    If you make eye contact he will most likely become suddenly aware and only do this when you are distracted.

    At least that's what happens w/ me. But if you are making eye contact and he is still staring, well, I think it goes without saying that for any guy [of any type] that means he finds you attractive.

    Also...

    I once recently worked temporarily w/ an INFJ intern. We led groups together in the mental health setting.

    As I was getting to know her, she told me right off that my intense stare made her feel uncomfortable, only not in those words... she said something that could be interpreted as positive to acknowledge it, but also mentioned it was very intimidating.

    I was shocked, bc I had no idea she had noticed, nor that my observation of her facial expressions, gestures affected her at all. There literally were NO signs whatsoever.

    This is not typically the case, since I usually see plenty of feedback (or lack thereof) to tell me what ppl may or may not be comfortable w/.

    Needless to say, I stopped. And her comment was really all I needed to know, told me volumes about her.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valerie View Post
    He says he loves practically everyone. I only say it to people who are in my very close personal circle/life.


    The thing about the other INFJ is interesting. I think it's great if someone wants to stare at me, as long as they don't seem creepy, like they are a predator or something. Maybe she has some issue from her past that makes her uncomfortable with people's attention.
    Yeah, or maybe I'm just a predator. Haha. Just kidding.

    He says he loves practically everyone, but does he say "I love you" to many people, like have you heard him doing this?

    But really, the fact that you are married and all that could explain quite a bit, at least to my curiosities about this situation.

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