[ENFP] Ask an ENFP

[AzulEyes]

I wish I could appear in a sparkly cloud of awesome, but it's more likely that I announce my presence by accidentally catching my hipbone on the doorway upon entering.

What's the quandary?

LOL me too.
I could never make a killer, mysterious entrance- too busy bumping into things.

 

[Amargith]

Fi for INTJs doesn't quite work like that, my dear Amar. At least in my own experience. It is more about self-knowledge, than other-knowledge. About being as honest with oneself as one can be, and letting that show to others. The connections with others arise from that self-honesty, which lets others connect with oneself (due to being open and honest), and serves as a quite apt substitution for being truly empathetic/sympathetic with others.

When INTJs are truly empathetic/sympathetic with others, the chemistry tends to break, because our main strength is knowing "what works", but when we're too empathetic, we let the other person go too far, we resist our inclination to say "No, that's stupid" out of love, but the most loving, empathetic thing we could say at the moment truly is, "No, that's stupid." (Granted, there's probably a kinder way of saying it than "that's stupid.")

I was wondering about that. Tertiaries seem to stick to the basics and develop those really well, but I wasn't sure where the line went with Tertiary Fi vs Auxiliary Fi. It has always been hard to gauge for me as my INTJ tends to automatically tap me to take over when it comes to these kind of situations. I wasn't sure if that was coz he felt it was more convenient, wasn't sure he could handle it, or if he simply didn't..work that way. He is capable of following my lead on it though - as long as I break it down into concrete actions of what needs to know now pertaining this situation

It is why I initially didn't include this information in the original post [MENTION=20044]chubber[/MENTION] quoted by [MENTION=9811]Coriolis[/MENTION] (and man, this might need a thread split if we re going to discuss this here ) and why I now labeled it intermediate Fi. I wasn't sure it would be of use to INTJs.

 

[uumlau]

I was wondering about that. Tertiaries seem to stick to the basics and develop those really well,

Exactly.

but I wasn't sure where the line went with Tertiary Fi vs Auxiliary Fi. It has always been hard to gauge for me as my INTJ tends to automatically tap me to take over when it comes to these kind of situations. I wasn't sure if that was coz he felt it was more convenient, wasn't sure he could handle it, or if he simply didn't..work that way. He is capable of following my lead on it though - as long as I break it down into concrete actions of what needs to know now pertaining this situation

He won't be able to read people that well, especially via Fi. Interestingly, his Ni will be much more perceptive, in its paranoid way.

In terms of connecting with other people, Ni sees the connections, and Fi fosters them. But it never rises to the level of what xNFPs do with minimal effort on their part. INTJ Fi is more like, "I love you. I don't know why I love you. I don't understand you. But I know who you are. And I like being around you. Just don't ask me to explain it."

 

[Amargith]

Exactly.


He won't be able to read people that well, especially via Fi. Interestingly, his Ni will be much more perceptive, in its paranoid way.

In terms of connecting with other people, Ni sees the connections, and Fi fosters them. But it never rises to the level of what xNFPs do with minimal effort on their part. INTJ Fi is more like, "I love you. I don't know why I love you. I don't understand you. But I know who you are. And I like being around you. Just don't ask me to explain it."

That's adorable

And yeah, I suspect your Ni can take over a lot of the duties I assign my Fi in determining the steps I lined out, but it might not be able to cover all of them. I do believe that INTJs eventually come to give people the benefit of the doubt due to their Ni giving them the security/info they need and Fi giving them the confidence in being vulnerable and being ok with it that is necessary to do so. And granted, they'll express it by fixing your situation or something else that is bugging you to make things easier on you.



Ironically, I failed at properly using my very own Fi system that I just outlined. Thanks for the datapoint and help.

 

[Evo]

Thats an assumption
Just because she looks out for him, doesnt mean its seduction or even interest in that sense. Sure, it is likely she is a bit inteigued by him or enjoys his company, but that does not mean she is aware or consciously setting a goal to check him out in that capacity. Thats what he is doing!

We tend to be intrigued by people for different reasons and engage people readily as extraverts. This is how an enfp sniffs out 'sparks' or potential for any type of bond with people, and its hardly advanced. In fact, id call that stage 1- aka the first stage after the initial sniff

Ime, intjs either act oblivious to the initial sniff- which is why you wanna try a few times, properly spaced out to retrieve optimal data/feedback - or they start their own evaluation process of you, occasionally seeking you out for more data. In fact, after my initial pinging, they usually take over the show and take initiative in setting the pace for contact. All i have to to is reply and follow direction

This is interesting.

Would you say that most female ENFP's in general will initiate in interaction and then prefer to let the guy pursue? Or does it not matter who makes the first move to most?

 

[Amargith]

This is interesting.

Would you say that most female ENFP's in general will initiate in interaction and then prefer to let the guy pursue? Or does it not matter who makes the first move to most?

I tend to either do the initial tapping on the shoulder, or get pounced. Either way works, as long as both parties give the other party the time to do...well their homework and gain their bearings, iow, as long as there is no pressure on either side, and things can flow naturally from there. But yeah, due to my scattered nature, and their more diligent side, they tend to seek me out more than the other way round - unless something suddenly sparks me to contact them coz I associated it with them. Granted, once Im actually getting enamoured with them, I'm a lot more predictable in my contacting them schedule as I'll need my fix

...and the same is true for them. If you catch their eye, they tend to be slowly become more meticulous and frequent, as well as more..ehm insistent in their contact with you.

You'll have to ask the other ENFPs if this is true for them as well though.

 

[thoughtlost]

LOL me too.
I could never make a killer, mysterious entrance- too busy bumping into things.

I know I have no business commenting...

but I pride myself on my ninja skills. I am really good at sneaking up on people because I hate asserting my presence onto people, so I just wait for them to notice me first ...and by that time... you'd be dead if I was an actual killer...

so ...ironically, being a killer would be my only redeeming quality and I'd finally be useful to society ^_^

 

[Coriolis]

If you're sure you're ready for step 2 - aka intermediate Fi - here it is:

After you've determined how you'd want to be treated, you take that as a baseline and then adjust the following variables:

- Substitute their background - aka what you know about them - for your own.

- Substitute their personality - see above - for your own and calculatehow this is logically going to impact the results.

- Check your own emotional state as it will pollute the outcome of this exercise with bias if you do not factor it in or put yourself in neutral first

- Take into account what kind of bond you share with said individual and how that would impact what they'd be comfortable hearing from you, sharing with you and are likely to hide from you due to privacy concerns - and respect those boundaries!

That's way too much. The best I can usually muster is to share what I know or perceive ("I know you're not feeling well", "You seem to be frustrated by something", "I heard your Grandma just died", etc.) and ask how I can help, or what they would like me to do. Then I don't need to guess, and risk getting it wrong.

When INTJs are truly empathetic/sympathetic with others, the chemistry tends to break, because our main strength is knowing "what works", but when we're too empathetic, we let the other person go too far, we resist our inclination to say "No, that's stupid" out of love, but the most loving, empathetic thing we could say at the moment truly is, "No, that's stupid." (Granted, there's probably a kinder way of saying it than "that's stupid.")

I have tried to interact with others this way, and ended up feeling that I had shortchanged them, by withholding the best of myself to give them a cheap imitation of what I thought they would prefer. No one benefits from that.

 

[skippythecat]

ok, I'm just going to ask here instead of the relationship forum cause I don't want to start a thread, and I figure it's easier to draw enfp fellas.

This question is probably beaten to death many many times, but I am wondering....how does a low-key/mellow enfp male show their interests? This person is super, duper friendly and nice to everyone (NOT flirty at all) but I fear that some things he does he is unaware of. He is quiet and somewhat shy (or at least I feel like around me).....But I've heard that if a guy/girl is interested in you, they'll find time to hang out with you and stuff like that. We do chat online but chatting irl is more complicated.

 

[Cygnus]

Have you ever dealt with intense fear? Fear of being insignificant or trapped or having never done anything?

 

[animenagai]

ok, I'm just going to ask here instead of the relationship forum cause I don't want to start a thread, and I figure it's easier to draw enfp fellas.

This question is probably beaten to death many many times, but I am wondering....how does a low-key/mellow enfp male show their interests? This person is super, duper friendly and nice to everyone (NOT flirty at all) but I fear that some things he does he is unaware of. He is quiet and somewhat shy (or at least I feel like around me).....But I've heard that if a guy/girl is interested in you, they'll find time to hang out with you and stuff like that. We do chat online but chatting irl is more complicated.

I find it hard to hide my interests, really. If I was really interested in a girl, she'll know soon enough. Like, it'll be impossible for her not to know.

Have you ever dealt with intense fear? Fear of being insignificant or trapped or having never done anything?

I don't know about intense fear, but I sulk over never having done anything just about every day.

 

[animenagai]

ok, I'm just going to ask here instead of the relationship forum cause I don't want to start a thread, and I figure it's easier to draw enfp fellas.

This question is probably beaten to death many many times, but I am wondering....how does a low-key/mellow enfp male show their interests? This person is super, duper friendly and nice to everyone (NOT flirty at all) but I fear that some things he does he is unaware of. He is quiet and somewhat shy (or at least I feel like around me).....But I've heard that if a guy/girl is interested in you, they'll find time to hang out with you and stuff like that. We do chat online but chatting irl is more complicated.

I find it hard to hide my interests, really. If I was really interested in a girl, she'll know soon enough. Like, it'll be impossible for her not to know.

Have you ever dealt with intense fear? Fear of being insignificant or trapped or having never done anything?

I don't know about intense fear, but I sulk over never having done anything just about every day.

 

[chubber]

Do ENFPs get shy?

When do they go introverted?

Where does aloofness fit in?

 

[labyrinth_perhaps]

Do ENFPs get shy?

When do they go introverted?

Where does aloofness fit in?

Yes, we do get shy. I'm shy when i'm either bored or completely uninterested in a group setting or atmosphere, or the complete opposite if I feel intimidated or nervous I'll be very shy. we are aware of what is socially acceptable, and a lot of us ENFPS don't like a lot of social rules. A lot of the times when I'm shy is when I feel like I have to be something I'm not to fit into the setting i'm in. basically if we don't see the fun or pleasurable/important cause we will be shy

My introverted side kicks in when I've really used all my energy, which is very easy to do. I'm either up or down, but not like bipolar or anything. I just invest myself fully into whatever i'm doing using all my extroversion my main skill I rely on, and then after I get what I need from it and i'm tired of talking. I need to be alone, and I don't really enjoy being alone at all. But when I know i'm mentally drained and have to use traits like sensing and introversion and thinking to understand what I want, I have to be alone because those drain me a lot in a group setting if i'm not being supported.

hahahaha being aloof is very present in my life. I tend to be aloof when i'm bored, and boredom is often a sorta passive aggressive sadness for me, I love learning but I get very distracted and bored easily. I'm also a younger ENFP so I need to work on that. I put myself into my own little world when I'm bored so i'm not sad and basically play mind games alone. That is when i'm very aloof. Or when i'm either drained and tired and I need to distract myself from not being cranky. So boredom and tiredness is when I think most ENFPS are aloof. And you can tell very easily, we have easy understandable dramatic expressions, unless were poker facing on purpose for the fun of it

I hope this helped!

 

[Forever_Jung]

Do people ever tell you you're mercurial, or joke that you seem bi-polar?

Was your extraversion very apparent from an early age? I have read that a lot of ENFP's started out dreamy and seemingly introverted, before they figured out a way to bring their Ne to the masses (Robin Williams and Russell Brand for instance, both claim to have been pretty withdrawn kids). Or were you just adorable little chatterboxes since you were little?

 

[five sounds]

Do people ever tell you you're mercurial, or joke that you seem bi-polar?

Was your extraversion very apparent from an early age? I have read that a lot of ENFP's started out dreamy and seemingly introverted, before they figured out a way to bring their Ne to the masses (Robin Williams and Russell Brand for instance, both claim to have been pretty withdrawn kids). Or were you just adorable little chatterboxes since you were little?

I became more introverted as I got older. I was a really friendly and talkative kid. A total ham too. Asked a billion questions and was excitable. I think I was like *pure* Ne basically when I was a kid. As I got older, I started getting more reflective and have become increasingly introverted as a result.

Also I've never gotten mercurial or bipolar remarks. But I can kinda turn from happy to serious out of nowhere. People have accused me of being rebellious or 'preachy' because if this.

 

[labyrinth_perhaps]

Forever_Jung;2269611]Do people ever tell you you're mercurial, or joke that you seem bi-polar?[/B] all the time, everyday, always. But... 1. it's very fun for me to be spontaneous I love little mind games, I'm sorry. 2. I could refrain from it, but I would be so bored all the time. It's like an act we do not because we're actually bipolar, because we like being playful. 3. It's super amusing to see the looks on peoples faces when I get very serious, it's almost like a confidence boost.

I've been tested for bipolar as well, and I'm in the clear

Was your extraversion very apparent from an early age? Oh hell yes.

I have read that a lot of ENFP's started out dreamy and seemingly introverted, before they figured out a way to bring their Ne to the masses (Robin Williams and Russell Brand for instance, both claim to have been pretty withdrawn kids). I never wanted conflict, I wanted fun for ME 24/7 so I would be a brat to my parents, but I would abide in social rules in school and be sorta of a kiss ass but not really? just so my freedom and fun was never risked. I was more quiet young like 6-12 because I was more observing people more and I really never wanted to offend anyone haha, I stood up for the underdogs every chance I had. I was little unnecessarily over dramatic at times when I thought someone was being oppressed LOL. but then I would let it go like nothing happened.

Or were you just adorable little chatterboxes since you were little? I was pretty adorable. I wasn't a chatterbox... I wanted to play barbies and make believe and talk about all that jazzy creative stuff 24/7 I loved animal planet and would observe all the animals so I could reenact them on point when I pretended to be in the jungle with my friends. Turning 11 was rough for me because no one wanted to make believe anymore and everyone kept swearing.. and I was getting called a baby D: so I forced myself to become the coolest teenager...EVER... and it didn't work out to well...

yay

 

[Forever_Jung]

I became more introverted as I got older. I was a really friendly and talkative kid. Asked a billion questions and was excitable. I think I was like *pure* Ne basically when I was a kid. As I got older, I started getting more reflective and have become increasingly introverted as a result.

Thanks for responding! I wanna ask another one that is sort of targeted at YOU, but can still be answered by an old ENFP:

I notice you have a Mark Twain quote in your signature, do you find you relate a lot to things Ne-dom authors say, or at least the wya they express themselves (Dickens, Wilde, Hunter S. Thompson, Elizabeth Gilbert, Kurt Vonnegut, whoever else you can think of)?

 

[Forever_Jung]

yay

Oh...you made that hard for me to quote! I totally relate to the make-believe transition during the tween years. I suddenly looked around and was like: What happened? Why is everyone playing sports and kissing?

 

[labyrinth_perhaps]

hahaha, I'm sorry I get confused on how to quote and answer things properly on here. I just wanted to be a mermaid, and everyone else wanted puberty. WHATEVUUUUR.