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Thread: Ask an ENFP

  1. #81
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Have you ever cherish all of the precious, good memories of the person once in a blue moon who had doorslammed you?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    Have you ever cherish all of the precious, good memories of the person once in a blue moon who had doorslammed you?
    Huh?
    I'm an ENFP that was doorslammed by an INFJ so I may have something to contribute to this...but I'm not quite sure what you are asking. Do I cherish the memories I have with someone that ended up believing shit about me that wasn't true and wasn't strong enough or honorable enough to admit they were totally in the wrong? No.

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    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    Huh?
    I'm an ENFP that was doorslammed by an INFJ so I may have something to contribute to this...but I'm not quite sure what you are asking. Do I cherish the memories I have with someone that ended up believing shit about me that wasn't true and wasn't strong enough or honorable enough to admit they were totally in the wrong? No.

    I know this may sound odd, but no matter how bad the outcome is (via door-slamming), I try to think about the good times that we both had (prior to the relationship turned sour). And by sour, I didn't mean it has to do with misunderstanding or conflicts. The one that I did doorslam has to do with his inconsistency of maintaining a decent amount of social contact and I felt cheated in that way. I am very selective when it comes to opening up to others, but this ENFP seems to hop from one to another once he felt he knows you too well inside-out.

    It's weird, I know. However, sometimes, I do try to recall on the 'good times' that we had from the past while ignoring the 'bad' ending. But I do this really rarely.

  4. #84
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    More questions:

    1. Whenever you 'unintentionally' change our conversational topics by adding a new topic, do you feel guilty of doing so? (from my observation, they rarely feel guilty about this)


    2. Most of you claim to see the best in everyone and that we're all equal; though it seems deep inside, you refuse to believe that as that will make you seem less unique. How would you explain about such contradiction?

  5. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    I know this may sound odd, but no matter how bad the outcome is (via door-slamming), I try to think about the good times that we both had (prior to the relationship turned sour). And by sour, I didn't mean it has to do with misunderstanding or conflicts. The one that I did doorslam has to do with his inconsistency of maintaining a decent amount of social contact and I felt cheated in that way. I am very selective when it comes to opening up to others, but this ENFP seems to hop from one to another once he felt he knows you too well inside-out.

    It's weird, I know. However, sometimes, I do try to recall on the 'good times' that we had from the past while ignoring the 'bad' ending. But I do this really rarely.

    I think that what you wrote here is a product of being the doorslammer as oppose to the doorslamee. Like in the example you just gave with regards to your ENFP…did you consult with him? Did you discuss with him your concerns? How his behavior made you feel? Did you give him a chance to change his behavior? Or did you just make this decision on your own to shut him out of your life?

    When you are shut-out in the way I was, without consultation or explanation, it does sorta leave you to question what was real and what wasn’t. Ruminating on the ‘good times’ seems kinda ridiculous to be honest. Did they even exist? How could they have existed in the way that I think they did if someone can treat you in this manner? No…they must not have existed. And so I will not think of them.

    I think it might be easier to consider good memories when…while the story may have not ended the way you would have liked it to end…it still ended with you in total control.

    Note though…that I have met so many wonderful INFJs on this site that do not use the doorslam in the way it was used on me. The INFJs on this site are some of the most beautiful people I will ever encounter in my lifetime.

  6. #86
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    1 - I don't feel the least bit guilty because I see the "topic" as fluid and ever changing, not an external constraint. The topic isn't set, in my mind the whole idea of topic is just an observation of whatever is being discussed at the time. I often don't even realize I am "off topic" until someone complains.

    2 - I don't see why people can't be unique and still all have good qualities and be equals. Why do you think "we" refuse to believe this "deep inside?"

  7. #87
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarryKnights View Post
    I think that what you wrote here is a product of being the doorslammer as oppose to the doorslamee. Like in the example you just gave with regards to your ENFP…did you consult with him? Did you discuss with him your concerns? How his behavior made you feel? Did you give him a chance to change his behavior? Or did you just make this decision on your own to shut him out of your life?
    Yes, I did consult with him but he kept denying there's any issue. Unfortunately, I can truly sense that there's something bodering him but he's just trying to avoid. I can feel the cold distance which isn't the same as before (he never forgets any close friends' birthday, including mine, except for this year). He's also one of the most sensitive people that I know and I just felt he wouldn't want to confront it to me in order to not hurting my feelings (one of the common ENFP traits as well). Though there have been episodes when the situation is reversed, he tried hard to confront with me and wanting to know what bodered me. I just felt this is so unfair and I felt helpless to fix our relationship. And it took me nearly 4 months to doorslam him btw, so I've put enough consideration as I don't want to waste my time to invest on someone who has no intention of resolve a conflict.

    When you are shut-out in the way I was, without consultation or explanation, it does sorta leave you to question what was real and what wasn’t. Ruminating on the ‘good times’ seems kinda ridiculous to be honest. Did they even exist? How could they have existed in the way that I think they did if someone can treat you in this manner? No…they must not have existed. And so I will not think of them.
    Perhaps that's how he has planned? I really have no idea but it seems to me that's what he's been waiting for (he knew that I had doorslammed others in the past).



    Note though…that I have met so many wonderful INFJs on this site that do not use the doorslam in the way it was used on me. The INFJs on this site are some of the most beautiful people I will ever encounter in my lifetime.
    Same here. Actually that's the only bad experience I had with an ENFP. While others and I got along exceptionally fine. The problem is that we're all part of the same circle, so it just makes me harder to do this.

  8. #88
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    Have you ever cherish all of the precious, good memories of the person once in a blue moon who had doorslammed you?
    Ya. I always seem to focus in on the good times and forget the bad. I have to consciously make myself remember the bad. Its good in that I don't hold onto alot of pain or resentment towards others that many probably would hold onto. It's bad in that it can leave me a vulnerable sucker for punishment. I've even saved mean voicemails or letters, etc.. just to relive them and hold onto that anger enough to stay at bay.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    Yes, I did consult with him but he kept denying there's any issue. Unfortunately, I can truly sense that there's something bodering him but he's just trying to avoid. I can feel the cold distance which isn't the same as before (he never forgets any close friends' birthday, including mine, except for this year). He's also one of the most sensitive people that I know and I just felt he wouldn't want to confront it to me in order to not hurting my feelings (one of the common ENFP traits as well). Though there have been episodes when the situation is reversed, he tried hard to confront with me and wanting to know what bodered me. I just felt this is so unfair and I felt helpless to fix our relationship. And it took me nearly 4 months to doorslam him btw, so I've put enough consideration as I don't want to waste my time to invest on someone who has no intention of resolve a conflict.



    Perhaps that's how he has planned? I really have no idea but it seems to me that's what he's been waiting for (he knew that I had doorslammed others in the past).





    Same here. Actually that's the only bad experience I had with an ENFP. While others and I got along exceptionally fine. The problem is that we're all part of the same circle, so it just makes me harder to do this.
    I am running out the door but will return at a later time to give this the thoughtful answer it deserves. In the meantime...I can see that there are some awesome ENFPs looking at this thread...Hux, skylights, stalemate... I hope they are busy writing up some of their wisdom for you!!

  10. #90
    Senior Member Santosha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    More questions:

    1. Whenever you 'unintentionally' change our conversational topics by adding a new topic, do you feel guilty of doing so? (from my observation, they rarely feel guilty about this)
    I don't. I look at all the potential information to be discovered or connected and see it as a value. I also try to read my audience, and If I keep pushing off with a new direction, but see everyone else is trying to zero in on one particular topic, I calm down with it. I do feel bad when a topic someone really wanted to get to the heart of becomes a superficial, social time. They ask questions and others babble on.. I try to redirect.
    Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun - Watts

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