User Tag List

First 22303132333442 Last

Results 311 to 320 of 432

Thread: Ask an ENFP

  1. #311
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    5,619

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Then I guess I didn't really make it clear how it works for me. It's always been a touchy subject on these boards though so I've kind of stopped trying to explain this, but I'll see if I can have another go at it.


    It's not that I want him to take care of me. It's not that I expect it. It's not that I go 'you may take care of me now'. I'm perfectly capable and adequate to take care of myself, though I'll admit - it's harder for me. It's that IF he wants to do that stuff, I let him. Coz I trust him - and cos it provides me with a golden opportunity to use the breathing space as a learning moment and be inspired by how he handles things, to take notes and actually get better at it myself instead of feeling overloaded and stressed non-stop. Other people don't get that clearance coz they'd get access to all the frailty, vulnerability and secrets that go with that clearance. If I actually denied him that shit while expecting him to take care of me as well, yeah, then it becomes what you described. However, not vetting someone who you trust with those things is kind of naive, ime.

    I don't trade my body. All I said was that I need a pretty high level of trust to put it in someone else's hands. What I do try to create is a mental space where we can both be ourselves without the social mask. As much as I understand the need to be on our best behaviour in large groups to keep things manageable and respectful to everyone there, it also means you're reigned in. Compare it to riding your horse and making it work versus letting them go nuts in a meadow and be free. I personally prefer seeing that stallion rear up and buck about in a meadow over riding it. I like to see it free to stretch, get rid of all that pent up tension - they're gorgeous when they truly let go like that, without anyone being at risk of harm. Yet bucking and rearing is dangerous and undesirable in the arena and can interfere with the work you want to accomplish during riding.

    My point is - if I know what he is capable of and what kind of man he is, I can calculate the risks, and buffer the rough edges so he can be himself - and see what he can take from me, vice versa. That goes far beyond just sexually - I just kept it in that realm coz that was the question asked. But honestly, it's not about the body - it's about the emotional sync up for me. The body is just one of the many tools of expression in that regard.


    Is it fantasy? Not really, I'm living it. But I also put in a shit ton of work to make that fantasy a reality

    As for wanting an excuse to behave badly - I like raw emotional honesty, as long as it is safe for everyone involved. And I don't mind being the one to orchestrate the entire thing and monitor the potential hazards involved so everyone can for once just relax and be flawed, be relaxed and just...not worry about how they'll impact the other person or behaving. It's not about deliberately having your cake and eating it. It's just about not having to be 'ON' for one moment and take off that gorram corset. I don't see the big deal - it's not like we don't all have undesirable behaviour, wants and unreasonable moments. And often giving them a place to be takes the edge off and makes that mask so much easier to tolerate. Put a stallion in a meadow and he'll go nuts for 10 minutes, but after that he's happily grazing. It's no different here.

    Are there people would turn this into a form of entitlement for bad behaviour, wanting to normalise it and have their cake and eat it? Absolutely - but then those people aren't blowing off steam, they're just taking a shortcut through life. And that's the first thing I vet for and boot out - one of my main reasons actually. A safe haven is just that - safe and a haven. It's a way to get a breather from the world - not a place to hide out and act like the rules don't apply to you *ever*.

    Is that a 4 sx thing? I dunno, it sure sounds like it. It's a way to allow myself to be broken without feeling guilty about it and to give someone else a much deserved equal break. A way to explore the dark abyss we all have inside with negative emotions - and to observe such behaviour in others, as well as learning how to deal with all the bullshit we so desperately keep under wraps all the time. To me, it'x preposterous to turn a blind eye to that stuff - I rather have it out where I can see it, learn from it, gain a greater understanding of the other and be understood. Emotions are emotions - the dark ones are equally beautiful, and even more in need of understanding than the ones we so prefer to focus on. And I personally find that exploring that dark abyss in a safe and respectful manner can help a person resolve some of the knee-jerk unwanted behaviour they cannot seem to rid themselves of - because it gets a place to be, it doesn't get vilified and it's done with curiosity and in search of understanding. It often allows them to untangle that knot in their head by getting the information and experiencing the stuff they were denied before which triggered the behaviour in the first place.

    Iow, it allows you to unmask your demons and realise they're just a nightmare with nothing to worry about. And that to me is pure gold.

    So yes. I'll gladly bend and flex for someone with control issues - provided they're aware, cautious and use the safe space for what it was meant for - to discover themselves and the taboos society puts on them, keeping their own truth from themselves. And vice versa, they'll occasionally provide me with the opportunity to explore my avoidance behaviour and fear of the world so I can face it. Fear is debilitating after all - it stops us from learning and triggers fight or flight. Guilt does the same for me (not for everyone, Ive noticed), so being in a space where I'm allowed to explore those taboos is immensely rewarding as it gives me a chance to approach the issue at my own pace, and circle around it to gain a full understanding instead of being triggered to run scared from it without ever really getting a good look at what it is I'm running from.

    And I'll try and point out - for both me and them - when I notice the behaviours we're prone to increasing, nearing the point of being undesirable in consequences. I'll just point it out, observing it, without judgement and see what they think we should do - explore and see if those consequences are that bad, or readjust if preferred. The point is that it is *our* decision without being pressured to acquiesce to anyone. This allows us to figure out our triggers, sensitivities and how to navigate each other without having to avoid, ignore, endure or dismiss parts of one another and grow together - at least, that is the hope. If I'm triggered by something he cannot help doing (or vice versa), we'll together figure out a way to circumvent those moments to keep things from derailing due to those shared sensitivities. We might even have a spat, and repeat it several times, letting it play out completely, no matter how unreasonable we 're both being in order to figure out where the other one is coming from, their drives, needs and motivations so we can actually take the situation apart and recalibrate the responses that way. The spat becomes like a test ground and isn't about the content - it's about the pattern, the triggers, the communication and the understanding gained to together find a way to make it work for both of us, without anyone having to actually curb their meadow time - which means it gets experienced in a non-hurtful way however heated it gets as ultimately, you're in this together and there is no doubt that the other person is in fact on your side and vice versa.


    Do I understand that this concept frightens and concerns people who rather not go near things like this deeply? Why yes as it is something that can be abused really easily if not properly executed with the right mindset from either party. So it is totally understandable that you'd never want to put yourself in that situation.

    I on the other hand, find it worth the risk - and feel pretty confident in my abilities to protect all parties involved

    / feeble last attempt at this can of worms.

    Amargith... I don't fully understand what you are talking about here. I'm hoping this has to do with the fact I got some weird cold/scratchy throat/really tired sickness...and I can tell my brain isn't working as efficiently haha as it normally might. I'll give it a few more reads as I get better here...and really appreciate you taking the time.

    I wanted to clarify though... my response wasn't directed towards the relationship you've chosen for yourself so much as I wanted to express what I believe to be the *standard* response to being controlled (I become so anxious just with the thought of it...) No ENFP is going to fit the descriptions perfectly... but since the original question was something like "are there ever times when an ENFP wishes to be controlled?"...and you said "yes" <-my response was more to say 'I think you're unique in that.' Do ENFPs need control?...probably. Will most ENFPs remain wild horses that you can't reign in for the rest of their lives? Will most ENFPs respond violently to attempts at controlling them? I think the answer there is 'Yes.'

    Rarely do I ever encounter an ENFP description that doesn't say "resists being controlled" or "does not like to be controlled and does not like controlling others."

    You are just a very unique and beautiful spirit Amar

  2. #312
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,655

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Amargith... I don't fully understand what you are talking about here. I'm hoping this has to do with the fact I got some weird cold/scratchy throat/really tired sickness...and I can tell my brain isn't working as efficiently haha as it normally might. I'll give it a few more reads as I get better here...and really appreciate you taking the time.

    I wanted to clarify though... my response wasn't directed towards the relationship you've chosen for yourself so much as I wanted to express what I believe to be the *standard* response to being controlled (I become so anxious just with the thought of it...) No ENFP is going to fit the descriptions perfectly... but since the original question was something like "are there ever times when an ENFP wishes to be controlled?"...and you said "yes" <-my response was more to say 'I think you're unique in that.' Do ENFPs need control?...probably. Will most ENFPs remain wild horses that you can't reign in for the rest of their lives? Will most ENFPs respond violently to attempts at controlling them? I think the answer there is 'Yes.'

    Rarely do I ever encounter an ENFP description that doesn't say "resists being controlled" or "does not like to be controlled and does not like controlling others."

    You are just a very unique and beautiful spirit Amar

    I understand - and I actually agree with you. I might've come off too strong in trying to get my point across; I know it wasn't meant as a comment on the relationship I have, I just figured Id use myself as an example, is all

    The reason I said 'yes' - and let me be clear here, this is my own experience and my observation in others, it's not set in stone - was because I feel that while we resist control vehemently so, and it causes an instinctual rebellion in most of us, I believe that underneath all that rebellion, underneath all that strong gut reaction against it is a part of us that might actually just be too afraid to admit that we do tend to crave it - it's just such a vulnerable part that it takes a loooot of work to get that ENFP to the point where you'll have permission to do so. And I doubt that many ever make it, or that ENFPs in general perhaps would recognise this in themselves. And reality, emotional baggage and life itself might've made the actual execution of that craving to be an impossibility for that ENFP, suppressing it to the point of non-existence completely, I won't deny that. It's like sexual fantasies that you won't even let yourself think of because they're unthinkable to you (note I said 'like', not that this *is* necessarily an actual sexual fantasy though it could be).

    I'm not going to deny I could be completely wrong, but it's a pattern that does seem to emerge when you observe ENFPs closely. Ultimately though, I know, I can only speak for myself. Add to that the 4 vs 7 factor and you might just be right that i'm completely off base.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #313
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILI Te
    Posts
    4,220

    Default

    What irrational phobias would ENFPs have?

  4. #314
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    729 sx/sp
    Socionics
    IEE Ne
    Posts
    5,634

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by calb View Post
    What irrational phobias would ENFPs have?
    shooting from the hip here...

    not knowing/exploring *all* possibilities, paranoid that generalized criticisms are about us personally, feeling controlled/boxed in, that people don't see us for who we really are, that we're not living up to our full potential, that we've inadvertently offended/hurt someone.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.
    Likes BlueScreen liked this post

  5. #315
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILI Te
    Posts
    4,220

    Default

    Can an ENFPs read INTJs when they are in an argument? Does the INTJ get cold towards them?

  6. #316
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,655

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    Can an ENFPs read INTJs when they are in an argument? Does the INTJ get cold towards them?
    They can come off that way - but rarely are. It's the Te that wants to fix shit that takes over, in order to ' swiftly and efficiently' deal with the obstacle at hand - the argument. But sure, that can have the effect of skipping over vital stages - such as taking the time to validate feelings, indicate that you heard the other and recognising that somethings the enfp just wants them to listen and not fix the problem as they are perfectly capable of doing so themselves.

    An ENFP who knows his/her INTJ though should be able to recognise that tendency and be able to accommodate their style, flex to maximise finding a resolution as a team and even stand his/her ground and communicate to the INTJ what they need - such as validation.

    The only time the INTJ becomes dead meat with me, at least, is if he dismisses or invalidates my priorities because they aren't his. We're in this together - the second my priorities and needs aren't considered important compared to his and his need for control and closure takes first place, we have a problem.

    And then it's clobbering time.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  7. #317
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/so
    Socionics
    ENFP Ne
    Posts
    3,265

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    They can come off that way - but rarely are. It's the Te that wants to fix shit that takes over, in order to ' swiftly and efficiently' deal with the obstacle at hand - the argument. But sure, that can have the effect of skipping over vital stages - such as taking the time to validate feelings, indicate that you heard the other and recognising that somethings the enfp just wants them to listen and not fix the problem as they are perfectly capable of doing so themselves.

    An ENFP who knows his/her INTJ though should be able to recognise that tendency and be able to accommodate their style, flex to maximise finding a resolution as a team and even stand his/her ground and communicate to the INTJ what they need - such as validation.

    The only time the INTJ becomes dead meat with me, at least, is if he dismisses or invalidates my priorities because they aren't his. We're in this together - the second my priorities and needs aren't considered important compared to his and his need for control and closure takes first place, we have a problem.

    And then it's clobbering time.
    I second this.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  8. #318
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILI Te
    Posts
    4,220

    Default

    Would ENFPs consider themselves pansexuals or bisexuals?

  9. #319
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,365

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    Would ENFPs consider themselves pansexuals or bisexuals?
    I'm sure many of them would.

  10. #320
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILI Te
    Posts
    4,220

    Default

    How traditional can ENFPs get?

    How important is family structure to ENFPs?

Similar Threads

  1. Ask an ENFP anything
    By Lunar Light in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 07-26-2015, 08:00 AM
  2. [ENFP] Ask an ENFP
    By Raspberry_rain in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 05-20-2015, 12:50 PM
  3. Ask an ENFP.
    By Kensei in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 04-05-2015, 06:20 PM
  4. [ENFP] Ask an ENFP.. For real!
    By HotpinkHeatwave in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 69
    Last Post: 06-25-2012, 10:02 PM
  5. Ask an ENFP, get a flirty answer
    By Amargith in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 115
    Last Post: 06-11-2009, 08:13 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO