I guess one reason I see 5 wing over 3 is my objectivity. I am very "in myself" but I can also see the bigger picture "outside" myself. I can see what I'm doing and how its affecting others. I might act out, but I will quickly thereafter understand what I did, and then try to fix it and REALLY TRY not to do it again. I learn from my mistakes - something many people do not bother doing - but I really make myself suffer for them with writing, music, playing them over and over in my head. I want to be better, and I don't want to be a burden.
My emotional volatility has always mostly gone into my music or expression. I need TONS of time to myself to process this; this is probably my biggest complaint that I get from boyfriends. I'm very "present" when I'm with them, but then I need SO MUCH time to myself that I get accused of being "detached" or "distant" despite my emotional sensitivity and presence when I am there.
My ex didnt mind if I wrote songs about exes or whatever. He was also a musician, so we just respected that our artistic expression is just that. We had the kind of relationship where we could talk about exes and other hurts in the past, without judging. As long as there was no physical cheating. It's like.. he would rather I talked to him about an ex, than felt the need to complain to the ex directly. He talked about his too. After the first six months or so, we had enough trust where there was no question of cheating, disloyalty or other issues, so yes I am emotionally volatile, but there weren't fights "at" him; it was more like he took my emotions in stride and I took his problems in stride, and everything was honest.
Outside of him, I haven't had any long relationships. Only six months or less. I refused to commit to most relationships through my 20s because I was traumatized and did not feel I could be a stable partner. Many men wrote songs or albums about me, tattooed my artwork, went to great lengths to "prove their love," but I told every single one not to bother,that I'm not capable of love right now. They would want to "save me from myself" and I would tell them "Only I can save me." One guy showed up at 2am to say "I love you" and I slapped him and said "How dare you defile a world like LOVE by associating it with a creature like me." The thing is - I was always very honest about who and what I am, and I knew what I was capable of. So I am still friends with these people. That guy I just mentioned, I know his wife now, went to their wedding, and we are cool. Nobody "hates me" for it because I'm honest as fuck.
Once I decide I'm going to commit, and really DO it, I make the effort to handle my own emotions and really be there. I can even be the stable force in a relationship. The issues only come in when I decide to have lovers and not boyfriends. Then I end up being seen as a 'heartbreaker' - but until someone else did that to me (another 4) , I felt that this wasnt my fault because I was honest and told them exactly what to expect, and that is exactly what they got. Once it happened to me, I changed a lot as a person and stopped taking lovers. I'm mostly single, not sexually or emotionally involved with anyone nowadays, waiting for the right one.
I really really like you too!
(This made me blush so hard!)