User Tag List

First 16242526272836 Last

Results 251 to 260 of 432

Thread: Ask an ENFP

  1. #251
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILI Te
    Posts
    4,221

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Yes.

    It requires the highest level of clearance though. Few ever make it. And those that do are at risk of being demoted at *any* sign of incompetence.
    Is it related to sexual nature?

  2. #252
    hypersane Hive's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    1,005

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by calb View Post
    Is there a situation, where the ENFP wants to be controlled?
    Can't imagine one.

  3. #253
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    953 sp/so
    Posts
    5,708

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Yes.

    It requires the highest level of clearance though. Few ever make it. And those that do are at risk of being demoted at *any* sign of incompetence.
    ENFPs have an ironic attitude w/r to control. They don't actually want to be in control, yet they don't want to be dependent on others controlling things for them. If this dichotomy isn't resolved, it results in the ENFP having to put in lots of exertion of control at inconvenient times (for everyone), as nothing is actually under control. In other words, they get stuck with the more stressful task of putting out the fires that arise from lack of control, instead of the fairly mild task of just not letting things get out of hand in the first place.

    They know this about themselves and very much would like for someone else to keep things under control for them, thus saving them from the stress of putting out fires, ... BUT doing so means letting that someone else have some degree of control, which they implicitly reject. Worse, they have unstated but very critical standards (inferior Si) by which they judge the "incompetence" Amar mentions above.

    This can be a source of tension between ENFPs and the J types to which they are attracted. Note that I'm not saying all ENFPs are like this at an extreme level, but they do all have the inner tension of this dichotomy, of wanting to not have to take care of things themselves, but also wanting to avoid depending on others to take care of those things for them.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  4. #254
    Tempbanned
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/so
    Posts
    8,162

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by calb View Post
    Is it related to sexual nature?
    Yes

  5. #255
    The Typing Tabby grey_beard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    1,504

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    ENFPs have an ironic attitude w/r to control. They don't actually want to be in control, yet they don't want to be dependent on others controlling things for them. If this dichotomy isn't resolved, it results in the ENFP having to put in lots of exertion of control at inconvenient times (for everyone), as nothing is actually under control. In other words, they get stuck with the more stressful task of putting out the fires that arise from lack of control, instead of the fairly mild task of just not letting things get out of hand in the first place.

    They know this about themselves and very much would like for someone else to keep things under control for them, thus saving them from the stress of putting out fires, ... BUT doing so means letting that someone else have some degree of control, which they implicitly reject. Worse, they have unstated but very critical standards (inferior Si) by which they judge the "incompetence" Amar mentions above.

    This can be a source of tension between ENFPs and the J types to which they are attracted. Note that I'm not saying all ENFPs are like this at an extreme level, but they do all have the inner tension of this dichotomy, of wanting to not have to take care of things themselves, but also wanting to avoid depending on others to take care of those things for them.
    @uumlau--

    I have come to trust your judgement on many things, e'en though I be largely a lurking n00b.

    Does this dynamic apply as well to INFPs when interacting with J types?
    "Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan

    Please comment on my johari / nohari pages.

  6. #256
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,656

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    ENFPs have an ironic attitude w/r to control. They don't actually want to be in control, yet they don't want to be dependent on others controlling things for them. If this dichotomy isn't resolved, it results in the ENFP having to put in lots of exertion of control at inconvenient times (for everyone), as nothing is actually under control. In other words, they get stuck with the more stressful task of putting out the fires that arise from lack of control, instead of the fairly mild task of just not letting things get out of hand in the first place.

    They know this about themselves and very much would like for someone else to keep things under control for them, thus saving them from the stress of putting out fires, ... BUT doing so means letting that someone else have some degree of control, which they implicitly reject. Worse, they have unstated but very critical standards (inferior Si) by which they judge the "incompetence" Amar mentions above.

    This can be a source of tension between ENFPs and the J types to which they are attracted. Note that I'm not saying all ENFPs are like this at an extreme level, but they do all have the inner tension of this dichotomy, of wanting to not have to take care of things themselves, but also wanting to avoid depending on others to take care of those things for them.

    Funny thing is I've realised that all I need to do is go into my 'leadership' style to figure it out - delegate as it were. The one thing I *am* good at is knowing who is good at what and giving them the autonomy and freedom to just do what comes naturally to them. Meanwhile, it allows me to do the same - and maintain my precious freedom while still addressing what needs doing.

    @calb: It can be. It depends on the person involved, the area they're trusted with and the degree of vulnerability they get access to. I tend to be *extremely* careful about who gets to touch my body as it is - chances are that that man will get vetted for more. If he expresses a wish for control over me and he has earned my utmost trust (otherwise I wouldn't date him at this point) and I judge his request to be within his realm of competence, he will receive permission to do what he wants. That implies he knows me so well that I don't have to worry about him traumatising me or breaking my trust in some way - or take advantage of me.

    Believe me, a man like that will undergo my version of a full psych eval and more. At this point, I tend to *know* who touches me - and what leeway they are capable of handling.

    Part of me yearns for someone like that at times - someone who knows me so well, who sees that managing the outside world is such a burden to me and who enjoys doing it himself. Someone who realises what they are capable of and will put my welfare above all else - including his own ego, yet realises that I in the same turn will do the same for him and let him explore the darker sides of his ego by allowing him to do things that society perhaps would damn him for, to me. I'll flex and bend for his pleasure and desires, if he protects and cares for me.

    That same person might not get the green light in other areas where I feel he isn't versed enough yet or matured enough yet to handle what is asked of him. Ultimately though, it's my body and therefore my call (and his to decide if he wants to part take or not, of course.) And that is the point.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  7. #257
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    953 sp/so
    Posts
    5,708

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by grey_beard View Post
    @uumlau--

    I have come to trust your judgement on many things, e'en though I be largely a lurking n00b.

    Does this dynamic apply as well to INFPs when interacting with J types?
    I don't see the dynamic with INFPs, interestingly enough. I suspect the difference is the tertiary. ENFP tert is Te, so the stress mode is like an immature ESTJ, wanting to remain rigidly in control. INFP's tert is Si, so their stress mode is more about being nitpicky in a rigid ISTJ way. From what I've seen, for INFPs in a stressed mode, they don't try to put out the fires caused by not maintaining control, but rather do their best to avoid the consequences of those fires, and have a tough time realizing that their choices (or more likely, the lack thereof) caused the fires.

    Please note I'm only talking about NFPs that haven't figured out how to handle these things, not NFPs in general. This is just how the mishandling happens to manifest for each type.
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  8. #258
    The Typing Tabby grey_beard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    1,504

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    I don't see the dynamic with INFPs, interestingly enough. I suspect the difference is the tertiary. ENFP tert is Te, so the stress mode is like an immature ESTJ, wanting to remain rigidly in control. INFP's tert is Si, so their stress mode is more about being nitpicky in a rigid ISTJ way. From what I've seen, for INFPs in a stressed mode, they don't try to put out the fires caused by not maintaining control, but rather do their best to avoid the consequences of those fires, and have a tough time realizing that their choices (or more likely, the lack thereof) caused the fires.

    Please note I'm only talking about NFPs that haven't figured out how to handle these things, not NFPs in general. This is just how the mishandling happens to manifest for each type.
    @uumlau --
    Duly acknowledged, thanks.
    "Love never needs time. But friendship always needs time. More and more and more time, up to long past midnight." -- The Crime of Captain Gahagan

    Please comment on my johari / nohari pages.

  9. #259
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILI Te
    Posts
    4,221

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    @calb: It can be. It depends on the person involved, the area they're trusted with and the degree of vulnerability they get access to. I tend to be *extremely* careful about who gets to touch my body as it is - chances are that that man will get vetted for more. If he expresses a wish for control over me and he has earned my utmost trust (otherwise I wouldn't date him at this point) and I judge his request to be within his realm of competence, he will receive permission to do what he wants. That implies he knows me so well that I don't have to worry about him traumatising me or breaking my trust in some way - or take advantage of me.

    Believe me, a man like that will undergo my version of a full psych eval and more. At this point, I tend to *know* who touches me - and what leeway they are capable of handling.

    Part of me yearns for someone like that at times - someone who knows me so well, who sees that managing the outside world is such a burden to me and who enjoys doing it himself. Someone who realises what they are capable of and will put my welfare above all else - including his own ego, yet realises that I in the same turn will do the same for him and let him explore the darker sides of his ego by allowing him to do things that society perhaps would damn him for, to me. I'll flex and bend for his pleasure and desires, if he protects and cares for me.

    That same person might not get the green light in other areas where I feel he isn't versed enough yet or matured enough yet to handle what is asked of him. Ultimately though, it's my body and therefore my call (and his to decide if he wants to part take or not, of course.) And that is the point.
    That is a lot to take in and I don't think I really understand what you are saying because it is like you are pointing in the air about things that you know and I have no clue as to what you really are pointing at.

    Do ENFPs, have a problem prioritising a person in their life? If that person is so important to them and they prioritise that person to the point that it feels like it anchors them. Is that a form of control over them that they place themselves? Or is that a stage of their life as part of growing up and finding their own way?

  10. #260
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,656

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by calb View Post
    That is a lot to take in and I don't think I really understand what you are saying because it is like you are pointing in the air about things that you know and I have no clue as to what you really are pointing at.

    Do ENFPs, have a problem prioritising a person in their life? If that person is so important to them and they prioritise that person to the point that it feels like it anchors them. Is that a form of control over them that they place themselves? Or is that a stage of their life as part of growing up and finding their own way?

    The bolded is key. In any situation, an ENFP who feels they *should* do something because it is expected of them or because it will impact them negatively if they don't due to external measures while feeling strongly they don't *want* to do that (usually this is - without them realising it - due to Fi signalling that this really is the wrong way to go about things for them, or due to Fi not having been consulted and skipped over completely or worse, suppressed), is going to be a hot, rebellious mess.

    An ENFP who is in line with what her Fi dictates can bend and flex to a point where other people wonder how they could ever manage to put themselves in such a bind and not feel that strain in the least.


    You want the latter. If you re responsible for the first situation, you're in for an emotional roller coaster and drama fest that you do *not* wanna go near.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

Similar Threads

  1. Ask an ENFP anything
    By Lunar Light in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 07-26-2015, 08:00 AM
  2. [ENFP] Ask an ENFP
    By Raspberry_rain in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 05-20-2015, 12:50 PM
  3. Ask an ENFP.
    By Kensei in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 04-05-2015, 06:20 PM
  4. [ENFP] Ask an ENFP.. For real!
    By HotpinkHeatwave in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 69
    Last Post: 06-25-2012, 10:02 PM
  5. Ask an ENFP, get a flirty answer
    By Amargith in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 115
    Last Post: 06-11-2009, 08:13 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO