[ENFP] Ask an ENFP

[Amargith]

No. There will be no little chat. I'll cover you, kiss you goodbye, and leave the talk for later.
I'll listen to your feelings, I'll put myself in your stead, but chances are, I won't promise you something I may not deliver.
I'll most likely deploy intellect and insidious acumen of the highest magnitude to concoct the blueprints of flawless crimes against humanity, in this case, hiding things I deem don't necessary require having you worried over, for I care about your well-being.



Picture a valiant man of honor who'd pierce through the demons threatning his loved ones and protecting them with ferocious and unwavering volition. He's their sword, and their shield.

So am I.

I wouldn't require you to go on the battlefield, to fight, put yourself in harm's way, while I'm here. It is that care and compassion while you're attending to my wounds which gives me strength and power. I'd likely wouldn't have done many things if you weren't there, but just because I have the firm knowledge that you will, I can surpass my wildest limitations.

*smiles*

Darling, as much as I appreciate that protectiveness, we wouldn't last.

In fact, I relish the dynamic you so idyllically described, as I have an INTJ at home like that. But he learned early on - *really* early on that lying to me or omitting truths, and for that matter denying me said truth when I confront him is a *really* lousy idea.

Just because I know you're there for me and are more than capable/willing to handle what the big bad world throws at us, doesn't mean I can't handle the truth or for that matter, myself. And similarly, I don't mind carrying the brunt of the support, healing and providing a safe haven but my INTJ does know how to do that shit himself, should he need to, as much as it's my domain. That flexibility is needed at times, in life. And in order to do this shit properly, I need you to treat me like an equal - like someone who is your partner - not a cherished porcelain doll

I can guarantee you, you wouldn't sleep that night until you gave me the truth.

And you would give me the truth, believe you me.

As I said, we most likely wouldn't last

 

[Amargith]

In my observations, introverts tend to get assumed by others as the more intellectually curious ones, the observers and those deeper in thought.

Pretty much this

 

[Sacrophagus]

*smiles*

Darling, as much as I appreciate that protectiveness, we wouldn't last.

In fact, I relish the dynamic you so idyllically described, as I have an INTJ at home like that. But he learned early on - *really* early on that lying to me or omitting truths, and for that matter denying me said truth when I confront him is a *really* lousy idea.

Just because I know you're there for me and are more than capable/willing to handle what the big bad world throws at us, doesn't mean I can't handle the truth or for that matter, myself. And similarly, I don't mind carrying the brunt of the support, healing and providing a safe haven but my INTJ does know how to do that shit himself, should he need to, as much as it's my domain. That flexibility is needed at times, in life. And in order to do this shit properly, I need you to treat me like an equal - like someone who is your partner - not a cherished porcelain doll

I can guarantee you, you wouldn't sleep that night until you gave me the truth.

And you would give me the truth, believe you me.

As I said, we most likely wouldn't last

Not every man is the same. Not every situation is handled the same. There are many circumstances and parameters that come into play.

You are, my partner. Not in this. Equal? Yes, but you have far sacred roles. You'll have your own ways to intervene. After all, I didn't marry you to babysit you, nor to treat you like a doll.
And if you think you can handle the stress, I'll be the judge of that.

Don't project your relationship nor your previous ordeals in prejudice on the situation until you actually get to live the full experience.

 

[Amargith]

Not every man is the same. Not every situation is handled the same. There are many circumstances and parameters that come into play.

You are, my partner. Not in this. Equal? Yes, but you have far sacred roles. You'll have your own ways to intervene. After all, I didn't marry you to babysit you, nor to treat you like a doll.
And if you think you can handle the stress, I'll be the judge of that.

Don't project your relationship nor your previous ordeals in prejudice on the situation until you actually get to live the full experience.

Thanks, but no thanks

 

[Sacrophagus]

Thanks, but no thanks

There's a cab waiting for you in the front door that will take you home or wherever you like. I already filed for divorce. Oh, I expected such a reaction and I have already packed your things. Here.

I appreciate the insight. Thank you for the trip.

 

[Lord Lavender]

The above description of the So/Sx type sounds much like me. It's fun to be around many acquaintances and have a good, light and casual time with. It's like this brief moment of feeling removed from any inner troubles or worries as you're just focused on the outside world a bit, but it gets to a point for me, where I absolutely need more. Where that light-hearted fun runs out of fuel and starts to bore me. That's when I do then like to pull some aside and talk about much more insightful things and exchange any wanderings of the mind with one another.

Personally this approach makes a lot of sense for me regarding my development and experience over the years. Being afraid to reveal my true self to just anyone, being around many others in such a casual way at first, is like my selection process, my personal "interview" to see who will make the cut. Even then, there is yet another interview process of mine to determine if that person will make it into my inner circle of friends. Once someone is there, I hold onto them for life. None of this is all that conscious either, it's just something I've sort of noticed about myself in recent years as something I do. So it's interesting really, outwardly, I may appear very emotionally accessible, and compared to others (it's relative) I very well can be, but I'm really only letting on exactly what I want to show anyone at any given time.

No wonder people call us similar . I related to every single world you said and like you I am far more serious inside than I let on. One thing I do in my relationships with others is to probe for how deep its going and see if we are digging more and more and getting to know the other more and if it isn't I regulate them to contact lol. I likewise am very controlling of what I give to others and I tailor it for each person as I try to see people as people not masses and I do well at that.

I dont get those who see people as one mass who all like and hate the same things. Like for example I know you embrace my zany and childlike side so I use that side of me on ya . Likewise with someone more serious (I read my chat logs on discord of you vs a more serious member and I am completely different in both) I use my more introverted and impersonal self to likewise appeal to them. I know this may sound fake but it isnt its more shifting and redecorating a room for certain kinds of guests (The essence stays the same but the presentation is different).

 

[1487610420]

why

 

[Lord Lavender]

why

Are you frustrated you cant think of any questions to ask the lovely ENFPs here .

 

[Population: 1]

Are you frustrated you cant think of any questions to ask the lovely ENFPs here .

I've never seen him answer anything that requires more than a single sentence response. Not because I believe he's incapable of it, but because he is the kid in the class no one gets to know beyond his snarky one liners. He wants us to know he's here but doesn't want us to know him.

Of course if this was back in school you'd never hear a word from me at all. I'm only as social as I am here because I can control the level of disclosure.

Anyway back to ENFP time.

 

[1487610420]

Are you frustrated you cant think of any questions to ask the lovely ENFPs here .

no

 

[Abcdenfp]

ENFP women. Let us entertain the next scenario: We're married, and you're feeling sick for few days. I put to halt my plans and take care of you. Amidst this chain of events I receive a call. Our 16 years old daughter tripped and harmed her head. Apparently she took that adorable clumsy demeanor from her mother. I make sure you don't need anything, and I leave after uttering the words "Darling, I will be back.", and before you start asking them, I say "Shhh. You take care of yourself while I'm away", while I kiss you on your forehead, avoiding the rain of questions a tenderhearted ENFP would ask even when she's bedridden. **sigh** I then go fetch our daughter, take her to the hospital, do the necessary thorough protocole to make sure she's fine, and take her back home. When we arrive, I instruct our daughter to wear a sleep cap to hide her bandages, and camouflage the whole thing in her sleeping attire. I come to see you, take your hand, and ask you "Have you been a good girl while I'm gone?", triggering your ENFP senses. "Yes, my love... hum, is our daughter back?". Naturally, you knew someone else came home from the footsteps, or perhaps, you're hiding cameras at home, I don't know. Damn, now I need to know if you're hiding cameras or not. Anyway. I call forth our daughter, and you get suspicious. "My daughter....Since when do you sleep in PJs?", you say in a funny voice. Fuck it. Our daughter must know about the benefits of sleeping naked, or, she simply does strip tease in front of camera, and if her mom comes in, her being naked is very convenient. Wait, strip tease involves clothes. She must merely know about the benefits of sleeping naked. I should have more faith in our daughter's moral compass. Or, or maybe our daughter sleeps in a different kind of attire. Maybe her mom is testing us. Maybe you are testing us. Nonetheless, our daughter remains focused and replies "Daddy bought them for me", I did, "and he wants me to put them on because he likes it that way." Okay, her reply sounded like I have a kink for this thing, but let's see what you reply "Ahhh, good girl". We dodged a bullet. Or did we? I don't know how the hell you did that stunt, but you just out of nowhere unpredictably jumped on our daughter and took off that cap. You can now see all of her bandages, and comes then the serious question: How would you react regarding everything that happened and how are you going to perceive the motive behind this series of actions?

I have another perspective to present to you, do you see that in the above senario you have taken your partners right to make a decision regarding your daughter away from her? You've assumed that by not telling her your shielding her from a stressful situation, however you haven't given her the right to decide how to handle it for herself.. if you had presented her with what was happening with your daughter honestly perhaps because she knows from previous experience she can lean on you safely she may have said " my love, I can't I'm physically incapable, will you handle and keep me posted every step of the way?!"
You still are her hero saving the day but you allowed her to be a part of the process, and when you get home the three of you can have an amazing shared experience of what the day was like for all of you VS you spinning a tale to shield her from something she doesn't need shielding from.

 

[Sacrophagus]

Time for the finale, shall we?

@ Starry, now in the instance I talked to you, I mentioned my parents. Giving the context, they come to make you interpret things, even though it's nowhere literally said, that my father never allowed her to be part of the process. You will surely not question the use, and assume they come to back up my first claim. Argumentum ex silentio ad lapidem.
"I won't let you come in my feelings' way about you, nor about our children."
No one can actually come in the way of anyone's feelings. We're responsible for the way we feel, and fair enough, I will be the one to come in my feelings' way, change my thoughts, and own them.

What's going on?

Well, say that my query was to exact the way I think about things, vs the way I thought others thought about things, in a very cunning manner. Though some were very predictable.

You didn't fail me, Starry. For one, the love you display is worthy of praise, along with your concern and understanding. That's a trait that will allow an INTJ to open up to you and eventually change the way he behaves because he's fond of you and of your kindheartedness.
Allowing the other to slowly show us their layers, slowly but surely, as opposed to try to make them feel guilty for not to, "you're treating me like a porcelain doll", or trying to suffocate them with animosity into submission, like [MENTION=5494]Amargith[/MENTION] , which is only going to drive the other away.

If an INTJ loves you, cares about you, and you give him room to internalize your emotional needs, he will re-program himself into so. Literally.

Now, [MENTION=33711]Abcdenfp[/MENTION], you're very aware of all this, since you're very in tune with your emotions and the emotions of others, constantly looking for a way to understand people better, and improving the way you communicate with them, consciously mindful to how it affects them. We would've never broken that chain of trust, nor thought about it, since you're never only about yourself in such situations, and you approach with genuine care, like you always do.

Otherwise, INTJ scenario aside, I'll personally include my wife in my endeavors, however silly they might seem. She's my companion in crime, my council, and my partner, through the thick and thin.

 

[Amargith]

That's funny. I remember taking that risk when me and my intj encountered that situation. He lied to me to protect me and save himself a serious head ache (being efficient) and i saw through it. We were friends at the time. I didnt guilt trip him, just made it clear it was a deal breaker for me. When he did it again and hung up on him 4 times and distanced myself a good while.

He realised that a) i knew him too well to believe his lies and b) it wasnt efficient at all, but mostly c) i was someone who knew him so intimately he d never have to lie. Even for my benefit. I tend to like sll information and emotion, even the ugly stuff. And as [MENTION=33711]Abcdenfp[/MENTION] stated, i like my freedom of choice. The porcelaindoll wasnt a guilttrip, its just a fact. It is the way i experience cthat kind of lie. And yes, id communicate that honestly to my husband - as i did to my then friend, now life partner. It brought us closer together because he no longer felt he had to hide stuff from everyone to protect them.

I also briefly mentioned this convo to him and he also suggested that the dynamic between your parents looks very similar to that of his own parents. As he got older,he realised that the trust and shielding was for the kids benefit and things very much got discussed behind closed doors. That the trust between his parents and the division of labour in fact stemmed from those conversations and turned into perfected routines over the years that would lead to the kind of trust without words. Now, i dont know you, or your parents, but is there a chance that that might ve been the case?

Because, what i was objecting to was the lack of communication itself

 

[PumpkinMayCare]

@nfps

If a powerful alien force conquers Earth and threatens to kill 100 million people every hour till you clean the huge mess in your room how many people would die?

That'd never happen. My apartment is 98 percent of the time in an immaculate condition. I personally not only find a tidy and clean place more comfortable and attractive, and am used to it from when I was growing up, but also I find when your mind tends to be chaotic, keeping your environment clean and tidy helps keeping your mind organized. I can only speak for myself in this regard though, I don't know if it'd help fellow ENFPs.

I do wonder though if ENFPs having chaotic apartments/rooms is just a cliché or not.

 

[Population: 1]

@nfps

If a powerful alien force conquers Earth and threatens to kill 100 million people every hour till you clean the huge mess in your room how many people would die?

Hahaha! Humanity is royally screwed.

Seriously though. These aliens conquered Earth yet they're obsessed with the cleanliness of my room? Do they have OCD?

 

[Riva]

Hahaha! Humanity is royally screwed.

Seriously though. These aliens conquered Earth yet they're obsessed with the cleanliness of my room? Do they have OCD?

The aliens are enneagram 1s of course .

 

[Starry]

Based on my understanding I think Fi sub-type ENFPs are far less likey to hide behind a Te wall than Ne sub types based on the theory. I see a similar thing with ENTPs as Fe subtype ENTPs are far less "jerkish" and far more depedent in many ways,. Think Chandler from Friends who is a Fe subtype ENTP (Him being a 6w7 doesnt help things) and see how insecure he is lol compared to the cocky ENTP stereotype.

Heh I do as well in many ways. I put on a troll front to hide myself to a degree as I find my trollish side helps defuse conflict and negativity keeping things light and shallow which is the So front until Sx kicks in then I wanna like be super deep with you. I've always seen So/Sx as like starting off with a party in your stylish lounge then scanning the crowd for those who you like and think will be good one on one and taking them to your embarrassing hobbies shed to get deeper with them so in other words the facade is dropped with a select few.

Man this is super fascinating to me Brainz and I can't thank you enough for knowing this would expand my understanding or that that this needed to be said. It was kinda amazing to me too because we both went in the same place with the same info... (I "idea generate" a bizillion times faster than I read.)

I recognize my bias in all of this but I always see the purest love and the most genuine self-sacrifice out of the "jerks" and "trolls" haha!! I'm pretty damn serious here though. We don't get the credit for it. If I were to use these concepts to express it I guess I would say that it is the Ji-ENPs that get the credit for being how the Je-ENPs actually are. It is impossible to hide something you don't have

 

[Starry]

Hahaha wait, what was he using? I must've missed this hideous thing. Oh [MENTION=30122]Cat Brainz[/MENTION], you silly guy

omg did you see it yet? That was the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Satanland...

 

[Starry]

If you are in a group of friends and there is an INFP in that group, would someone think you're smarter than the INFP? If you think so, in what way? If not, why?

Well I always consider the INFP "ENFP Lite"

I routinely call on INFPs here to explain what I'm saying in order to look less crazy...

 

[Population: 1]

I routinely call on INFPs here to explain what I'm saying in order to look less crazy...

:hi: How much would you pay? For a reasonable rate I'll be your interpreter. Note: I will work for chocolate.