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Thread: Ask an ENFP

  1. #201
    Senior Member AzulEyes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    I wish I could appear in a sparkly cloud of awesome, but it's more likely that I announce my presence by accidentally catching my hipbone on the doorway upon entering.

    What's the quandary?
    LOL me too.
    I could never make a killer, mysterious entrance- too busy bumping into things.
    It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings

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  2. #202
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post

    Fi for INTJs doesn't quite work like that, my dear Amar. At least in my own experience. It is more about self-knowledge, than other-knowledge. About being as honest with oneself as one can be, and letting that show to others. The connections with others arise from that self-honesty, which lets others connect with oneself (due to being open and honest), and serves as a quite apt substitution for being truly empathetic/sympathetic with others.

    When INTJs are truly empathetic/sympathetic with others, the chemistry tends to break, because our main strength is knowing "what works", but when we're too empathetic, we let the other person go too far, we resist our inclination to say "No, that's stupid" out of love, but the most loving, empathetic thing we could say at the moment truly is, "No, that's stupid." (Granted, there's probably a kinder way of saying it than "that's stupid.")
    I was wondering about that. Tertiaries seem to stick to the basics and develop those really well, but I wasn't sure where the line went with Tertiary Fi vs Auxiliary Fi. It has always been hard to gauge for me as my INTJ tends to automatically tap me to take over when it comes to these kind of situations. I wasn't sure if that was coz he felt it was more convenient, wasn't sure he could handle it, or if he simply didn't..work that way. He is capable of following my lead on it though - as long as I break it down into concrete actions of what needs to know now pertaining this situation

    It is why I initially didn't include this information in the original post @chubber quoted by @Coriolis (and man, this might need a thread split if we re going to discuss this here ) and why I now labeled it intermediate Fi. I wasn't sure it would be of use to INTJs.
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  3. #203
    Happy Dancer uumlau's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I was wondering about that. Tertiaries seem to stick to the basics and develop those really well,
    Exactly.

    but I wasn't sure where the line went with Tertiary Fi vs Auxiliary Fi. It has always been hard to gauge for me as my INTJ tends to automatically tap me to take over when it comes to these kind of situations. I wasn't sure if that was coz he felt it was more convenient, wasn't sure he could handle it, or if he simply didn't..work that way. He is capable of following my lead on it though - as long as I break it down into concrete actions of what needs to know now pertaining this situation
    He won't be able to read people that well, especially via Fi. Interestingly, his Ni will be much more perceptive, in its paranoid way.

    In terms of connecting with other people, Ni sees the connections, and Fi fosters them. But it never rises to the level of what xNFPs do with minimal effort on their part. INTJ Fi is more like, "I love you. I don't know why I love you. I don't understand you. But I know who you are. And I like being around you. Just don't ask me to explain it."
    An argument is two people sharing their ignorance.

    A discussion is two people sharing their understanding, even when they disagree.

  4. #204
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    Exactly.


    He won't be able to read people that well, especially via Fi. Interestingly, his Ni will be much more perceptive, in its paranoid way.

    In terms of connecting with other people, Ni sees the connections, and Fi fosters them. But it never rises to the level of what xNFPs do with minimal effort on their part. INTJ Fi is more like, "I love you. I don't know why I love you. I don't understand you. But I know who you are. And I like being around you. Just don't ask me to explain it."
    That's adorable

    And yeah, I suspect your Ni can take over a lot of the duties I assign my Fi in determining the steps I lined out, but it might not be able to cover all of them. I do believe that INTJs eventually come to give people the benefit of the doubt due to their Ni giving them the security/info they need and Fi giving them the confidence in being vulnerable and being ok with it that is necessary to do so. And granted, they'll express it by fixing your situation or something else that is bugging you to make things easier on you.



    Ironically, I failed at properly using my very own Fi system that I just outlined. Thanks for the datapoint and help.
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  5. #205
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Thats an assumption
    Just because she looks out for him, doesnt mean its seduction or even interest in that sense. Sure, it is likely she is a bit inteigued by him or enjoys his company, but that does not mean she is aware or consciously setting a goal to check him out in that capacity. Thats what he is doing!

    We tend to be intrigued by people for different reasons and engage people readily as extraverts. This is how an enfp sniffs out 'sparks' or potential for any type of bond with people, and its hardly advanced. In fact, id call that stage 1- aka the first stage after the initial sniff

    Ime, intjs either act oblivious to the initial sniff- which is why you wanna try a few times, properly spaced out to retrieve optimal data/feedback - or they start their own evaluation process of you, occasionally seeking you out for more data. In fact, after my initial pinging, they usually take over the show and take initiative in setting the pace for contact. All i have to to is reply and follow direction
    This is interesting.

    Would you say that most female ENFP's in general will initiate in interaction and then prefer to let the guy pursue? Or does it not matter who makes the first move to most?

  6. #206
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Urarienev View Post
    This is interesting.

    Would you say that most female ENFP's in general will initiate in interaction and then prefer to let the guy pursue? Or does it not matter who makes the first move to most?
    I tend to either do the initial tapping on the shoulder, or get pounced. Either way works, as long as both parties give the other party the time to do...well their homework and gain their bearings, iow, as long as there is no pressure on either side, and things can flow naturally from there. But yeah, due to my scattered nature, and their more diligent side, they tend to seek me out more than the other way round - unless something suddenly sparks me to contact them coz I associated it with them. Granted, once Im actually getting enamoured with them, I'm a lot more predictable in my contacting them schedule as I'll need my fix

    ...and the same is true for them. If you catch their eye, they tend to be slowly become more meticulous and frequent, as well as more..ehm insistent in their contact with you.

    You'll have to ask the other ENFPs if this is true for them as well though.
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  7. #207
    Honeyed Water thoughtlost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AzulEyes View Post
    LOL me too.
    I could never make a killer, mysterious entrance- too busy bumping into things.
    I know I have no business commenting...

    but I pride myself on my ninja skills. I am really good at sneaking up on people because I hate asserting my presence onto people, so I just wait for them to notice me first ...and by that time... you'd be dead if I was an actual killer...

    so ...ironically, being a killer would be my only redeeming quality and I'd finally be useful to society ^_^
    You are so arbitrary.

  8. #208
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    If you're sure you're ready for step 2 - aka intermediate Fi - here it is:

    After you've determined how you'd want to be treated, you take that as a baseline and then adjust the following variables:

    - Substitute their background - aka what you know about them - for your own.

    - Substitute their personality - see above - for your own and calculatehow this is logically going to impact the results.

    - Check your own emotional state as it will pollute the outcome of this exercise with bias if you do not factor it in or put yourself in neutral first

    - Take into account what kind of bond you share with said individual and how that would impact what they'd be comfortable hearing from you, sharing with you and are likely to hide from you due to privacy concerns - and respect those boundaries!
    That's way too much. The best I can usually muster is to share what I know or perceive ("I know you're not feeling well", "You seem to be frustrated by something", "I heard your Grandma just died", etc.) and ask how I can help, or what they would like me to do. Then I don't need to guess, and risk getting it wrong.

    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    When INTJs are truly empathetic/sympathetic with others, the chemistry tends to break, because our main strength is knowing "what works", but when we're too empathetic, we let the other person go too far, we resist our inclination to say "No, that's stupid" out of love, but the most loving, empathetic thing we could say at the moment truly is, "No, that's stupid." (Granted, there's probably a kinder way of saying it than "that's stupid.")
    I have tried to interact with others this way, and ended up feeling that I had shortchanged them, by withholding the best of myself to give them a cheap imitation of what I thought they would prefer. No one benefits from that.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  9. #209
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    ok, I'm just going to ask here instead of the relationship forum cause I don't want to start a thread, and I figure it's easier to draw enfp fellas. :p

    This question is probably beaten to death many many times, but I am wondering....how does a low-key/mellow enfp male show their interests? This person is super, duper friendly and nice to everyone (NOT flirty at all) but I fear that some things he does he is unaware of. He is quiet and somewhat shy (or at least I feel like around me).....But I've heard that if a guy/girl is interested in you, they'll find time to hang out with you and stuff like that. We do chat online but chatting irl is more complicated.

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    Have you ever dealt with intense fear? Fear of being insignificant or trapped or having never done anything?

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