[INFJ] Hate an INFJ? Tell us why!

[mrcockburn]

I can honestly say I don't think I've ever harped on anyone about not being organized. I like being organized myself, but I'm not always. Couldn't care less if other people are.

Well, I think my boss is an EXTREME J. I mean 100% J. It's almost unhealthy, when he's stressing on his schedule and there's a setback, I can literally hear his voice closing up. He's also got a problem with jumping to conclusions.

 

[tortoise]

With my ex-girlfriend, we would spend time together with her children and my children. Her approach to those 'situations' that arise with children was to make a very decisive judgment within a split second about what to do and the result was children being bossed around left right and centre. I prefer to take time to assess the situation and work out what's really going on before diving in and taking control. She thought I was always too slow to react with my children when in fact I was taking in what was happening and formulating an appropriate response. I always thought she was too quick to assume what was going on and too quick to wade in and tell them all what to do. It caused no end of tension.

 

[skylights]

I guess the INFJ choice is either or

.

yeah Z pretty much said whatever i was gonna say.

i love me some INFJs but also NiFe kills me sometimes. it's the whole like you're trying to control me for my own good in a way i don't know about thing. if i don't trust you, that's terrifying. and kind of insulting really, you don't know me as well as i know me but you think you know what would be best for me - and not only do you act on that, but you act on that without my knowledge.

it's scary to me! i mean if you're jesus/god/etc or someone i trust, that's cool, rock on, but otherwise... see, it's not even really dislike or whatever, it's just fear of being messed around with in ways that i don't approve of. that's why Fe creeps me out sometimes. and at least when paired with Si i usually understand, since it's based off of evidence. that makes logical sense to me. but Ni could be based on stuff that doesn't really even apply to me at all. like, you know, visions of national socialism or whatever

that said i rock the ENFP faults pretty well lol.

 

[tortoise]

Yep, the control is always for our own good! That's what makes it even more get-under-the-skin-ish.

I had a gym schedule and weekly menus and food shopping lists mapped out for me. Yes, healthy eating and strong muscles are good, but on my terms, not imposed!

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Is it so wrong to feel hurt by something someone does? And would you rather me never let go of anything you do? :/

Perhaps what I mean by not letting things go is muddling things up a little. I'd need a concrete example to explain further.

Also if you have a problem with my comment, then just say you think I'm not being magnanimous, you don't have to be sarcastic. :/

Awwww Jeezie Creezie, Random Ness. I was just making a joke. Don't take everything so seriously. I thought it was pretty darn funny myself. I didn't have a problem with your comment. I was just trying to be funny.

And as far as "And would you rather me never let go of anything you do?", of course I think that's a healthy approach. It's just that from the ENFP perspective (or at least this ENFP's perspective) a year seems a very, very, very long time to hold onto anything. I know you were trying to show you were being balanced and self-aware. (And, that's great. I applaud this.) But from my perspective, I'm thinking, "A year? Wow. I rarely hang onto things more than a couple of months... tops."

So no bad intent on my part. Just trying to be funny and teasing. Hmmmm.... maybe I should add "occasionally overly sensitive" to my list. <----- This is me teasing you again so don't get upset.

 

[Amargith]

That'd be the pot blaming the kettle though

 

[Esoteric Wench]

That'd be the pot blaming the kettle though

Ha ha!

 

[Random Ness]

Awwww Jeezie Creezie, Random Ness. I was just making a joke. Don't take everything so seriously.

Yer fault for talking to a serious J person.

Part of the reason I took it so seriously was I realized how ridiculous a year sounded when you brought it up. So I got in defense mode because I was flustered......

I thought it was pretty darn funny myself. I didn't have a problem with your comment. I was just trying to be funny.

The other part of it was I didn't get the joke. J submitting to P? What...?

And as far as "And would you rather me never let go of anything you do?", of course I think that's a healthy approach. It's just that from the ENFP perspective (or at least this ENFP's perspective) a year seems a very, very, very long time to hold onto anything. I know you were trying to show you were being balanced and self-aware. (And, that's great. I applaud this.) But from my perspective, I'm thinking, "A year? Wow. I rarely hang onto things more than a couple of months... tops."

Well, it kinda depends on my relationship with the person. If they do a lot of kind things and are close to me, I'd immediately forget any hurtful things they happen to do. If they do some kind things but they are a jerk often, too, that's when the year rule comes into play. And if we're enemies, I don't let go of anything they've said/done simply because I see them as more of a jerk than a nice person. However, even if I won't forget things an enemy did, I can still forgive them and not dwell on them. Though holding grudges is definitely an INFJ weakness.

Hmmmm.... maybe I should add "occasionally overly sensitive" to my list. <----- This is me teasing you again so don't get upset.

You should, though. INFs get butthurt really easily. Tsk.

 

[garbage]

Part of the reason I took it so seriously was I realized how ridiculous a year sounded when you brought it up. So I got in defense mode because I was flustered......

In the spirit of the thread, INFJs readily admit up to their own negative motivations, which sometimes validates other people ("Oh, it's okay. I know you're at fault, and here are more reasons why:") rather than getting them to open up and think about their perspective and their contributions to the overall negative vibe

well, okay, sample size 1.5, so take it for what it's worth

You should, though. INFs get butthurt really easily. Tsk.

aaaaaand this

 

[Aquarelle]

Going back to the passive aggressive discussion, I should mention that over at the INFJs forum, there is an explicit rule against passive aggressive behavior.... we do know our own limitations!

 

[DJAchtundvierzig]

Going back to the passive aggressive discussion, I should mention that over at the INFJs forum, there is an explicit rule against passive aggressive behavior.... we do know our own limitations!

No passive agressiveness!? What!? Am I not allowed on my own turf!?

 

[mrcockburn]

Yep, the control is always for our own good! That's what makes it even more get-under-the-skin-ish.

I had a gym schedule and weekly menus and food shopping lists mapped out for me. Yes, healthy eating and strong muscles are good, but on my terms, not imposed!

Oh wow. The control issues. And how they try to be so NICE about being controlling. It pisses me off, it's condescending. If you want me to do something, spit it out. I wouldn't hesitate to.

 

[tortoise]

Condescending is the word.

 

[tortoise]

Having said all that, they turn me on like no other type for some reason. Crazy.

 

[mrcockburn]

Having said all that, they turn me on like no other type for some reason. Crazy.

Well yes. Jesus has got to be the most hard-to-get man in history.

Here's some porno for you:

 

[KLessard]

WARNING: Many generalities follow, all based on a few irritating individuals.


They drive me up the fucking WALL. :steam:

The ones I know wouldn't get OFF my ass about being "organized" and "orderly". So fucking anal that they waste more time bitching about neatness/tidiness than the time that such orderliness would save.

Really defeats the purpose. My boss has a fucking coronary attack if I have a scatter of papers on my desk. Guess what fruit loop, IT'S WORK I'M DOING FOR YOU. Maybe I ought to just dick around on Facebook all day. My desk would be real clean then!

And a professor...this was in a writing class where we had to write one-sentence responses to her ridiculous poetry (that's another thing, they're so BIASED, whether it's people they like or what they choose to teach, etc)...but they had to be typed! ONE FUCKING SENTENCE. Bye bye tree, hello waste of ink and printing cost! How does it NOT look ridiculous to her when she receives blank papers with 10 little words on it? WTF. And she didn't accept it handwritten and did NOT accept late work. Fine, I'm fine with not accepting late work, but to reject it just because I didn't drive 10 miles to Kinko's to print a fucking sentence? You'll be writing your own sad poetry when you find all kinds of nasty reviews on RateMyProfessors, to the school department, to peers, etc. And hopefully get fired.

:steam:

This sounds just like many STJs I know (my mother, my brother, my former piano teacher, my boss). Especially the teacher. These are very concrete things, are you sure this teacher is an intuitive? NJ people judge abstract things like loyalty, integrity, truthfulness, intelligence, etc. not handwriting and presentation (unless they can't read what you wrote). I've actually had two SJ French teachers and they obsessed about those things as well. I hated it and got really annoyed, just like you. SJs are common in the teaching professions.

 

[Esoteric Wench]

Condescending is the word.

Having said all that, they turn me on like no other type for some reason. Crazy.

This. ^^^^^^^

Damn it. It's true though.

 

[babyaspirin]

Hello Zarathustra, I am particularly struck by the interaction between you and aquarelle (think that was her name).

Sorry, I think I meant someone else.

Regarding the passive aggressive issue. Personally, I don't see that as a trait in myself. When I am aggressive, there is no doubt about it! Again, I think that this may be more of an INFP than an INFJ weakness (no offence to all the lovely INFPs out there, and sorry to pick on you twice in this reply). I say this because they tend to be more unwilling to be direct with people, which sometimes manifests as aggression that is "under the radar."

Upon further reflection, I would like to add that INFJs can be "manipulative" through their Fe. This may be similar to the INFP's indirectness, which can feel like "passive aggressiveness" to others.

INFJs sometimes hide things because they want to maintain harmony, or because they want to control how the other(s) might respond. If they have stuck their foot in their mouths, they may try to manoeuvre themselves out of it with soothing words, retreat, compliments, or by changing the subject. All far removed from what they are really feeling inside. I can see how this might seem passive aggressive at first glance...

Either way, these are ways of dealing with things that may be difficult for more open and direct types to suffer willingly.

I think where passive aggressiveness and manipulation become detestable are when they are used to hurt others. In that case, I don't think it really matters whether or not the interaction is underground or overt.

 

[chris1207]

I hate my INFJ friend because he never wants to do anything I suggest he should do. I often just want him to try something I think he might like. He always poopoos it. This is something our ESFJ friend has noticed as well.

He suggested that perhaps we find something he'd really be interested in (like some jazz concert or something) and suggest that to him and when he says nay we go w/o him. That would be fun.

It's also no fun that he just delegitimizes our opinion by denying that he has Fe.

One-on-one I'm much better friends with his INTJ brother, who's much more confident in his ability to make decisions independently...

 

[mrcockburn]

It's also no fun that he just delegitimizes our opinion by denying that he has Fe.

This is why I avoid discussing MBTI with friends. You end up arguing the reason you're arguing. :steam: