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[INFJ] Hate an INFJ? Tell us why!

INFJs are...

  • Awesome!

    Votes: 56 65.9%
  • okay I guess...whats so special about them...?

    Votes: 29 34.1%

  • Total voters
    85

Cbelle

New member
Joined
Aug 20, 2010
Messages
56
MBTI Type
ENFP
I had an INFJ for a best friend for the longest time. He controlled our friendship up to the point where I had "filled all the requirements" (as he told me later) for starting a relationship. However, romance with him only lasted a week, because one night I got angry at him for watching TV and ignoring me while I was talking to him on the phone, and I hung up. I called back and he told me it was over.

Some things I noticed about him: He always insisted on how romantic he was. He watched love movies all the time. He talked about having romantic dates with his wife once he married. Unfortunately, it was all talk. The relationship was as about as romantic as a concrete wall: He told me what he needed me to be, and until I was it, he would consider me a failure.

He said things like:
How he liked girls as skinny as Keira Knightly, and how nice it was that I was that skinny, but he didn't want me gaining any weight.
How he wanted me to wear these kinds of clothes and if it was against my standards or I didn't like them, that was too bad. He also would say how some of my clothes were ugly on me.
How my eyes were greenish, which was nice, but his favorite color for eyes were silver.
How I couldn't get tan in the summer because he liked white skin and my skin wasn't white enough.

I don't mean to sound derogatory to INFJ's, this was just my experience with one. I am very wary of talk-romantic men.

And honestly, I believe he was psychologically depressed, and he wasn't afraid of dragging me down with him. I was so naive at that time (and it was my first "relationship") that I was blind to the fact that he was controlling me. I was like his puppy. I would do anything for him.

Ok I'm starting to get a little teary-eyed and sick to the stomach. I hate thinking about some of the things he said to me. :cry:
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
I had an INFJ for a best friend for the longest time. He controlled our friendship up to the point where I had "filled all the requirements" (as he told me later) for starting a relationship. However, romance with him only lasted a week, because one night I got angry at him for watching TV and ignoring me while I was talking to him on the phone, and I hung up. I called back and he told me it was over.

Some things I noticed about him: He always insisted on how romantic he was. He watched love movies all the time. He talked about having romantic dates with his wife once he married. Unfortunately, it was all talk. The relationship was as about as romantic as a concrete wall: He told me what he needed me to be, and until I was it, he would consider me a failure.

He said things like:
How he liked girls as skinny as Keira Knightly, and how nice it was that I was that skinny, but he didn't want me gaining any weight.
How he wanted me to wear these kinds of clothes and if it was against my standards or I didn't like them, that was too bad. He also would say how some of my clothes were ugly on me.
How my eyes were greenish, which was nice, but his favorite color for eyes were silver.
How I couldn't get tan in the summer because he liked white skin and my skin wasn't white enough.

I don't mean to sound derogatory to INFJ's, this was just my experience with one. I am very wary of talk-romantic men.

And honestly, I believe he was psychologically depressed, and he wasn't afraid of dragging me down with him. I was so naive at that time (and it was my first "relationship") that I was blind to the fact that he was controlling me. I was like his puppy. I would do anything for him.

Ok I'm starting to get a little teary-eyed and sick to the stomach. I hate thinking about some of the things he said to me. :cry:

Im sorry for your experience. :hug: :hug:

That sounds rather unhealthy on many levels. I mean sure, I have my preferences as far as looks, but I'm not necesssarily that picky. I mean if a girl looks good she looks good. And I never intentionally dragg other people down when Im depressed.
 

Cbelle

New member
Joined
Aug 20, 2010
Messages
56
MBTI Type
ENFP
Thank you dearly for your understanding.

I clearly understand that he was unhealthy, young, and selfish... and maybe just entirely confused.

I appreciate the rest of you INFJs. You are sweeties.
 

r.a

meat popsicle
Joined
Jul 4, 2009
Messages
496
MBTI Type
STFU
people say i am fickle. i wouldn't disagree.

i have my reasons.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

Guest
Overall your pretty cool. The only thing that frustrates me would be the fact that (this is from my view of my friend who is one) he never thinks much goes his way. I suppose it goes back to the woe is me. He exaggerates his problems too much, but that may be my P talking.
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
Seriously, Amar, your whole post could have literally been taken straight out of my mind... It's when you read stuff like this that you realize that this typology stuff actually does have a good amount going for it... So true... And I hate passive-aggressiveness...

If you want to be aggressive, be aggressive. Don't fucking feign like you're not, when you actually are. It's just fake, and makes me want to :sick: Yeah, the difference is that we have our vision, but we realize that it is our vision.

INFJs, on the other hand, think that their vision should be everybody's vision. As such, they have a deep desire to control everyone around them, which is why, deep down, so many of them tend to be a bunch of lil
hitler.gif
s... Seriously. Jesus. H. Christ. Woe is fucking you.

You are "so good" and everyone else is "so not as good as you", and it's just so hard on you it makes you wanna :cry:. Fuckin' a. Get over yourself. Yeah, this is wrapped up in all of the above.

When it comes down to it, they are just extremely judgmental, cuz they think they know what's right for everybody. It makes most of them a bunch of little control freaks, who then get all emo when they realize that they won't be able to control everybody.

It's fucking pathetic... What kinda of messed up wiring is that...? Anyway, I like the idea of a really mature INFJ who doesn't engage in stuff like this, but, unfortunately, I find that the majority do... I guess the INFJ choice is either :jesus: or
hitler.gif
.

The difference between the two is probably highly related to something very important that the former realized:

"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye?

You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye" - (Matthew 7.1-5 ESV)

Zarathustra, I'm holding my sides I'm laughing sooooo hard. Oh.... my dear INFJs.... even when they need a good kick in the *ss, I (usually) adore them.

And, God knows I have many, many a stereotypical ENFP fault...that being said, "Right on!"

Couple other things Esoteric Wench has noticed from her ENFP side of the table:

  1. Paralysis by Analysis.
  2. Lack of any sort of "take a chance" gene.
  3. Occasional (and usually endearing) complete disconnect from reality.
  4. (When not at their best) A wee bit of "holier-than-thou" -ness.
  5. And, of course, from my P perspective, a tad too many J tendencies (aka overly anal retentive).*

:devil: :devil: :devil:

*Once again, let me repeat that ENFP's have plenty of faults of their own. (I'm on time only once in five attempts.) But I'm trying to keep on topic here.
 

KDude

New member
Joined
Jan 26, 2010
Messages
8,243
Hmm, perhaps I should rethink what INFJs are all about..

So not much of an SP wannabe feature? And not even a tough NJ backbone..? Just passive-aggression and pretentiousness?

Are some of the people being dissed really INFJs or just jerks?
 

Quiet

New member
Joined
Mar 1, 2010
Messages
282
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5
I had an INFJ for a best friend for the longest time. He controlled our friendship up to the point where I had "filled all the requirements" (as he told me later) for starting a relationship. However, romance with him only lasted a week, because one night I got angry at him for watching TV and ignoring me while I was talking to him on the phone, and I hung up. I called back and he told me it was over.

Some things I noticed about him: He always insisted on how romantic he was. He watched love movies all the time. He talked about having romantic dates with his wife once he married. Unfortunately, it was all talk. The relationship was as about as romantic as a concrete wall: He told me what he needed me to be, and until I was it, he would consider me a failure.

He said things like:
How he liked girls as skinny as Keira Knightly, and how nice it was that I was that skinny, but he didn't want me gaining any weight.
How he wanted me to wear these kinds of clothes and if it was against my standards or I didn't like them, that was too bad. He also would say how some of my clothes were ugly on me.
How my eyes were greenish, which was nice, but his favorite color for eyes were silver.
How I couldn't get tan in the summer because he liked white skin and my skin wasn't white enough.

I don't mean to sound derogatory to INFJ's, this was just my experience with one. I am very wary of talk-romantic men.

And honestly, I believe he was psychologically depressed, and he wasn't afraid of dragging me down with him. I was so naive at that time (and it was my first "relationship") that I was blind to the fact that he was controlling me. I was like his puppy. I would do anything for him.

Ok I'm starting to get a little teary-eyed and sick to the stomach. I hate thinking about some of the things he said to me. :cry:


Hmmmm, I don't see much evidence of Fe here. I'm not too sure if he was really INFJ, but if he was, he was extremely unhealthy. Oddly enough, we kinda doubt our worth to others, so maybe that had something to do with it. He sounded extreme though. Sorry you had to experience that.
 

Quiet

New member
Joined
Mar 1, 2010
Messages
282
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5
Zarathustra, I'm holding my sides I'm laughing sooooo hard. Oh.... my dear INFJs.... even when they need a good kick in the *ss, I (usually) adore them.

And, God knows I have many, many a stereotypical ENFP fault...that being said, "Right on!"

Couple other things Esoteric Wench has noticed from her ENFP side of the table:

  1. Paralysis by Analysis.
  2. Lack of any sort of "take a chance" gene.
  3. Occasional (and usually endearing) complete disconnect from reality.
  4. (When not at their best) A wee bit of "holier-than-thou" -ness.
  5. And, of course, from my P perspective, a tad too many J tendencies (aka overly anal retentive).*

:devil: :devil: :devil:

*Once again, let me repeat that ENFP's have plenty of faults of their own. (I'm on time only once in five attempts.) But I'm trying to keep on topic here.

Haha! :D
 

Arclight

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
3,177
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Hate?

I got into a pretty bad situation with an INFJ and we got hurt and she pretty much fucked me over and lashed out like nothing I could have ever imagined.
But why would I want to come on here and talk about it?
Why would anyone want to know about this?
Should I hold all INFJs accountable?
Is the OP sadistic?:huh:

Most INFJs I know are totally awesome.. Seriously just some of the most decent people I have encountered.
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
Hmm, perhaps I should rethink what INFJs are all about..So not much of an SP wannabe feature? And not even a tough NJ backbone..? Just passive-aggression and pretentiousness? Are some of the people being dissed really INFJs or just jerks?

I don't think INFJs are jerks. In fact, most of the ones I know are self-contained juggernauts of coolness.

But... we all have our foibles. And there is much to be gained by being able to take a step back and laugh at oneself. I think that's what these "hate" threads are all about. Sort of a light-hearted lambasting. (Or maybe that's just my Fi seeing things with rose-colored glasses.)

As an aside, I thought there was already a "Hate an INFJ, Tell Us Why" thread.... Hmmm... I may look for that.
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
There is such a thread: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/5444-infj-hate-thread.html

Though, I admit that I'm surprised there's not been a thread in the "Hate an XXXX, tell us why!" format.

One thing I dislike about voluminous threads is that when a thread gets a lot of posts (like the aforementioned INFJ thread with 307 posts), it's sometimes difficult to jump into the conversation. Also, it takes a considerable amount of time to read the entire thread and get "caught up." Oftentimes, a new thread can re-ignite the conversation.

So thanks, DJAchtundvierzig. It was probably time to get a new one started. I may start a new ENFP one.
 

DJAchtundvierzig

New member
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
272
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx
Lack of any sort of "take a chance" gene.

Definatly does not apply to me. I am always looking for new experiances to learn from. I love to take a chance, but I'm not a daredevil at all if thats what your getting at. I can be a little cowardly.
 

DJAchtundvierzig

New member
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
272
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx
There is such a thread: http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/nf-idyllic/5444-infj-hate-thread.html

Though, I admit that I'm surprised there's not been a thread in the "Hate an XXXX, tell us why!" format.

One thing I dislike about voluminous threads is that when a thread gets a lot of posts (like the aforementioned INFJ thread with 307 posts), it's sometimes difficult to jump into the conversation. Also, it takes a considerable amount of time to read the entire thread and get "caught up." Oftentimes, a new thread can re-ignite the conversation.

So thanks, DJAchtundvierzig. It was probably time to get a new one started. I may start a new ENFP one.

You're Welcome, :) I honestly think each type should have a hate thread, so we can all learn to accept our positives and negatives.
 

mochajava

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
475
MBTI Type
INFJ
Esoteric Wench:
1. Paralysis by Analysis.
2. Lack of any sort of "take a chance" gene.
5. And, of course, from my P perspective, a tad too many J tendencies (aka overly anal retentive).*
These are definitely traits of mine! Varying, of course, with time... ah, but my J is so rewarded at work :) Oh, and I took an agenda-less roadtrip with another INFJ. There ended up being waterfalls, hiking, petting Alpacas, and tasty pizza. I bet you would have liked the agenda-less spontaneous bit! I analyze data by day (see, it has the word "anal" in it!) and my INFJ friend does software documentation by day and will start coding soon... definitely high-precision work. Hee hee. This thread is fun.
 

amazingdatagirl

New member
Joined
Aug 3, 2010
Messages
95
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
6w5
I had an INFJ for a best friend for the longest time. He controlled our friendship up to the point where I had "filled all the requirements" (as he told me later) for starting a relationship.
Seems more like an ISFJ. Actually, he sounds like a jerk.

The thing that I absolutely hate about myself is a couple of unfortunate stalking incidents in the past. Thankfully, no restraining orders :blush:
 

Fenekk

New member
Joined
Aug 4, 2010
Messages
51
MBTI Type
INFJ
I guess the INFJ choice is either :jesus: or
hitler.gif
.

Can I be a Jenazi? :D

But yeah, anyway, when I'm being insulted for the purposes of learning how to better myself, I want to be insulted. So bring on the insults!!
 

DJAchtundvierzig

New member
Joined
Jul 27, 2010
Messages
272
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx
Can I be a Jenazi? :D

But yeah, anyway, when I'm being insulted for the purposes of learning how to better myself, I want to be insulted. So bring on the insults!!

I agree, same here. I'll get over the insult eventualy. :hug:
 
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