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View Poll Results: INFJs are...

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  • Awesome!

    52 65.82%
  • okay I guess...whats so special about them...?

    27 34.18%
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  1. #61
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    For me, I don't mean an argument so much as a misunderstanding, where there is some communication glitch and you don't feel like you understood them completely and viceversa.

    Although occasionally I bring things up like, for a long time I couldn't reach my mother by email except without prodding, and she would tell me she didn't have time to write because she was so busy reading my cousin Bobbie's emails. So at some point down the road, she asked why I didn't write more, and I said Oh, are you finished with Bobbie now? or some meowey such thing, and my mother paused a minute and said, "I haven't talked to Bobbie in two years." And I was like, So? Two minutes, two days, two years, it's all the same to me.
    Haha, I like that story. And I can totally relate. I do the long-memory thing too... whether it's an offhand comment someone made that struck me a certain way, either positively or negatively, or a miscommunication, or an argument, I'll remember it. I can usually let it go, but I'll definitely remember.
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

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  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by QPoet View Post
    All of the above things CAN be true of an INFJ, particularly in we younger ones. I don't find them to ALL be true in most INFJ's, even in we younger ones. Of all those above, the one I most relate to from my younger years would be the "woe-is-me" pity party thing. I did that a lot earlier in life until I realized what a self defeating attitude it was. It's also a self fulfilling prophecy. My opinion has always been that INFJ, because of their nature, are on of the types that can really change a lot from youth to full grown adulthood. I spend a lot of time on the INFJ forum and that really sticks out for me. I realize how much I used to be like the younger ones, and how different I now am. And DJAchtundvierzig is right, who wouldn't want to be an INFJ?
    No offense, as I appreciate the candor, but I'm gunna have to call "blind spot" on this one...

    I'm not saying all INFJs must manifest all of these negative qualities (passive-aggressive, high-and-mighty, woe-is-me, judgmental) at all times, but I do believe, based on my interaction with many of them on this forum, that a lot of them do tend to exhibit a lot of this behavior a lot of the time.

    Granted, they may be relatively young and immature...

    But, the reason I'm calling blind spot, is that none of them seem to have much idea that they're acting out these behaviors.

    They seem to think that they're judgmentalness, which really is the root of all the other behaviors, is absolutely rightful and justified.

    Hence, the blind spot...

    Cuz it's not...

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Ok..well the things that bug me the most are:

    * passive-aggressive, especially in a snipy way. I actually use it myself when I get defensive with someone I feel uncomfortable with, but I very much try to avoid it as I find it to be the equivalent to cutting someone with a scalpel, just without the anaesthetics.

    * The high-and-mighty thing. I get that that's Ni for ya, and I love Ni normally, but there's something about the NiFe combo that just irks me. It's that whole 'This is the way it is/should be and you're an idiot for not seeing it or unworthy for not living up to that standard'. I know INTJs are prone to the same thing especially when it comes to work standards, but somehow I can smile better at that (I'm allergic to guilttripping Fe, so that might be it)

    * The martyr-thing. The 'Woe, me, I'm so tough for bearing this burden while nobody cares.' Not everyone is gifted in seeing that you need help. You have a mouth, you're not a child, ASK! Do NOT guilttrip.

    * Judgemental. Someone who doesn't live up to your standards and has a different pov somehow has to prove their worth to you 10 times before you'll even consider them potentially interesting, or so it feels, at times.


    Note: I'm aware that due to my own perspective and my limited sample pool of INFJs, this is bound to be somewhat subjective and biased. And it clearly mostly applies to the more..immature ones still. Hope this was what you were looking for
    It seems that a lot of this thread has gone off from this post so I thought I'd reply to this one


    *passive aggressiveness: I can definitely be passive aggressive but I feel like this is really because I hate confrontation and 99% of the time I didn't (consciously) start the conflict, and if the other person keeps on being confrontational.. well I'm just not an aggressive person. At all. I have no interest in fighting or arguing. I'd rather talk out a problem quietly and rationally. So my last defense is bitter passive aggressiveness. I don't like it either, I'd much rather get away from the situation til everyone involved can cool down and talk it out later.


    *judgemental: this is the one I have a bit of a problem with. I think anyone can be extremely judgemental if they're not compassionate. I think one of the biggest things society is lacking is compassion, most people just don't learn it growing up in this world. I think INFJs are the type that is most capable of compassion, they're pretty much born bleeding it. If the person grows up to be unhealthy this can turn into the "high & mighty/martyr" thing (i definitely had alot of self-pity in my ignorant teenager days) but if the INFJ is balanced & healthy they would be wonderfully compassionate and judgementalness would be out of the question.
    Not trying to make myself out to be perfect or something. But I'm totally turned off by judgemental people and I think most healthy INFJs would be also.

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by priestessofmars View Post
    It seems that a lot of this thread has gone off from this post so I thought I'd reply to this one
    Word.

    Amar, you threw down the gauntlet...

    Quote Originally Posted by priestessofmars View Post
    *passive aggressiveness: I can definitely be passive aggressive but I feel like this is really because I hate confrontation and 99% of the time I didn't (consciously) start the conflict, and if the other person keeps on being confrontational.. well I'm just not an aggressive person. At all. I have no interest in fighting or arguing. I'd rather talk out a problem quietly and rationally. So my last defense is bitter passive aggressiveness. I don't like it either, I'd much rather get away from the situation til everyone involved can cool down and talk it out later.
    Yeah, I see exactly how it works out in your mind.

    My mother is an Fe-dom, and she does the exact same thing.

    That doesn't make it any less despicable, or create any less conflict...

    Quote Originally Posted by priestessofmars View Post
    *judgemental: this is the one I have a bit of a problem with. I think anyone can be extremely judgemental if they're not compassionate. I think one of the biggest things society is lacking is compassion, most people just don't learn it growing up in this world. I think INFJs are the type that is most capable of compassion, they're pretty much born bleeding it. If the person grows up to be unhealthy this can turn into the "high & mighty/martyr" thing (i definitely had alot of self-pity in my ignorant teenager days) but if the INFJ is balanced & healthy they would be wonderfully compassionate and judgementalness would be out of the question.
    Like I said: or .

    Quote Originally Posted by priestessofmars View Post
    Not trying to make myself out to be perfect or something. But I'm totally turned off by judgemental people and I think most healthy INFJs would be also.
    Until they agree on a judgment about someone...

  5. #65
    Senior Member DJAchtundvierzig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    No offense, as I appreciate the candor, but I'm gunna have to call "blind spot" on this one...

    I'm not saying all INFJs must manifest all of these negative qualities (passive-aggressive, high-and-mighty, woe-is-me, judgmental) at all times, but I do believe, based on my interaction with many of them on this forum, that a lot of them do tend to exhibit a lot of this behavior a lot of the time.

    Granted, they may be relatively young and immature...

    But, the reason I'm calling blind spot, is that none of them seem to have much idea that they're acting out these behaviors.

    They seem to think that they're judgmentalness, which really is the root of all the other behaviors, is absolutely rightful and justified.

    Hence, the blind spot...

    Cuz it's not...
    I think the blind spot only applys to the INFJ that suffers from the high and mighty feeling. But I think for most INFJs we realize that we are like this, if at all.

  6. #66
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by priestessofmars View Post
    *passive aggressiveness: I can definitely be passive aggressive but I feel like this is really because I hate confrontation and 99% of the time I didn't (consciously) start the conflict, and if the other person keeps on being confrontational.. well I'm just not an aggressive person. At all. I have no interest in fighting or arguing. I'd rather talk out a problem quietly and rationally. So my last defense is bitter passive aggressiveness. I don't like it either, I'd much rather get away from the situation til everyone involved can cool down and talk it out later.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post

    Yeah, I see exactly how it works out in your mind.

    My mother is an Fe-dom, and she does the exact same thing.

    That doesn't make it any less despicable, or create any less conflict...
    I'm not a fan of passive-agressiveness either, but I really don't think it's any worse than plain ol' aggressiveness. Any kind of negatively aggressive behavior is distasteful, and to vilify passive-agressiveness in an outright aggressive manner is... well, it's funny. I'm seriously chuckling right now. Just seems like a very artificial distinction to me.
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

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  7. #67
    Senior Member DJAchtundvierzig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquarelle99 View Post
    I'm not a fan of passive-agressiveness either, but I really don't think it's any worse than plain ol' aggressiveness. Any kind of negatively aggressive behavior is distasteful, and to vilify passive-agressiveness in an outright aggressive manner is... well, it's funny. I'm seriously chuckling right now. Just seems like a very artificial distinction to me.
    Yeah I have to agree with you on that one, but I'm an INFJ, so I see things similar to you. Maybe it's because us INFJs never really forget things that are bothering us, so it's like that issue is always in the present. As to someone else it may be lost in the past and forgotten about, so they think we are the bad guy for bringing it up again. Does that make much sense?

  8. #68
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJAchtundvierzig View Post
    Yeah I have to agree with you on that one, but I'm an INFJ, so I see things similar to you. Maybe it's because us INFJs never really forget things that are bothering us, so it's like that issue is always in the present. As to someone else it may be lost in the past and forgotten about, so they think we are the bad guy for bringing it up again. Does that make much sense?
    Oh yeah, I know we do that. Bringing up old things, I mean... I try not to do it, but sometimes if it bothers me enough I have to. I was thinking the type of passive aggressive behavior that is more like saying something nasty to/about someone, only in a kind of half-veiled way. EDIT: I believe the correct term is "Ambiguity."
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

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  9. #69
    Senior Member DJAchtundvierzig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquarelle99 View Post
    Oh yeah, I know we do that. Bringing up old things, I mean... I try not to do it, but sometimes if it bothers me enough I have to. I was thinking the type of passive aggressive behavior that is more like saying something nasty to/about someone, only in a kind of half-veiled way.
    Oh, I see, I was going a bit off topic.
    But Yeah, I still do agree with you.

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquarelle99 View Post
    Oh yeah, I know we do that. Bringing up old things, I mean... I try not to do it, but sometimes if it bothers me enough I have to. I was thinking the type of passive aggressive behavior that is more like saying something nasty to/about someone, only in a kind of half-veiled way.
    I don't know if this is an infj thing or not, but it's very important to me that things be settled. If an issue wasn't settled or if I feel unsettled about it, I definitely don't forget it and will probably bring it up down the road.

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