[Ne] Do you get "bored" of people easily?

[deadgirlrunning]

I'm not just talking about romances. It seems like when I first start getting to know someone I'll put a lot of energy into making sure we "click". I brush off their flaws because, after all, everyone has them. After several months of hanging out with them on a pretty regular basis, though, insignificant things about them start to irritate me and I feel like I've pretty much gotten to know everything there is to know about them. Its not that I don't like them as a person anymore, it's just that I'm no longer "enthused" and I expect them to hold up their end of the friendship a lot more.

 

[Queen Kat]

I do. That's what happened to a lot of people I used to be friends with the last couple of years: I got bored of them and simply stopped talking to them. I guess that's because my friendships never lasted that long when I was little, all of my friends moved away and we never stayed in touch. But I also have a very short attention span, so I guess that causes this too.

 

[Phantonym]

No, can't say that I do. People are interesting, so I keep on hoping to find out more because I feel that you can never really know everything about them. The problem I have repeatedly encountered, though, is that in a while I start to feel that people might get bored of me, so I might start avoiding them in order to avoid getting a confirmation about that. That kind of sends a wrong message and things start to go downhill from there.

 

[Hopelandic]

^ wow. Get out of my head!! xx


Whenever I get bored, I stop thinking about the person, and I think about the relationship.

I ask- am I bored of the person? or are my feelings just too centered on them as an individual, instead of the relationship (the connection)?

I started thinking about this, because although I really desire to get to know people, I've never been good friends with anyone in my life. When you only know someone for a few months; can you really say you know someone? it takes me 4-5 years to get to a stage of trust and being comfortable with someone enough that it feels effortless around them. Only after 4 years, can I really put all the little pieces of this friend and their life together (as i'm not too open myself, I don't really foster an incredibly open relationship of sharing things about oneself, you know?). Even at the 5 year mark I wouldn't say I knew someone.

Boredom for me, results in a lack of truly experiencing another person on a deeper level. I find, that the more I get to know someone, the less disconnected I am, and the more, strangely enough, they grow on me. Doesn't mean their habits don't piss me off, but fuck, given that I'm so detached from everything and everyone, getting to know someone deeply, is my only grace. And in regards to getting to know someone, 'doing things together' is supremely important. I have good friends, i've rarely done anything with, but we've talked a lot about ourselves... but it doesn't feel enough. Doing activities with someone, is where you see another persons many other facets. When I don't bond in this way, I very easily get bored... of the -relationship- (not necessarily) the person.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I tend to have the opposite problem. Although, I do think that there is a way to idealize a potential friendship/romance that people do and then when the actuality of the interaction sets in, they become disappointed by it. The times I've idealized people, I never got to know them, and have now grown out of that for the most part.

I might find that people don't often feel like discussing ideas I find interesting, but I never feel I have a person figured out. I don't even feel that way about my mom, siblings, lovers, or anyone. If I know someone well for decades, I'll see my conclusions as having a high likelihood of accuracy, but nearly everyone has surprised me at some point. Most everyone is inconsistent and acts at some point in a way that baffles me. While there can be times I feel annoyance, the more prominent reaction for me is just overload. Being around people too much is like having bright lights from all directions, or loud sounds that are all incoherent and intertwining. I really like people, but the myriad perceptual distortions that define every interaction can just be too much. I know I have these distortions myself, but I try to keep a grasp on reason and the actuality of the situation and have a longing for people willing to at least attempt the same.

 

[mmhmm]

i just like people in varying dosages.
sometimes i'll go on a bender.
sometimes i'll disappear for a while.
that's when they usually mistake it
as me getting bored of them.

 

[angell_m]

I'm not just talking about romances. It seems like when I first start getting to know someone I'll put a lot of energy into making sure we "click". I brush off their flaws because, after all, everyone has them. After several months of hanging out with them on a pretty regular basis, though, insignificant things about them start to irritate me and I feel like I've pretty much gotten to know everything there is to know about them. Its not that I don't like them as a person anymore, it's just that I'm no longer "enthused" and I expect them to hold up their end of the friendship a lot more.

I know what you mean. I am the exact same way.

But, I won't find anything irritating about them. I become friends / fall
in love with people for who they are, their -original- self, so I won't become
annoyed by them (at least not to a point where I wish to ignore them).

I can spend four hectic months on graphic design, four hectic months on
web design (html/css/js/php/mysql), four hectic months on gaming, four
hectic months on learning the complexity of quantum mechanics, four hectic
months on learning a new language, four hectic months in school, four hectic
months at work, four hectic months with someone -- and I will eventually
grow bored no matter what. But it's natural to me, and there's no escaping it.

What I had to learn was that it is only a temporary phase, as it is
with all the things I preoccupy myself with. My lust / affinity will always
come back after a while. The intensity won't come back that quickly though,
but that will come back too.

 

[Sparrow]

I do sometimes, I won't totally stop being their friend because they don't do this all the time, but sometimes I notice people talking wayyy to much about themselves- like all day and all freakin night, they don't aknowledge a thing I say. It's kind of a bummer.

 

[Jaguar]

No, can't say that I do. People are interesting, so I keep on hoping to find out more because I feel that you can never really know everything about them.

That's my attitude.

 

[skylights]

i just like people in varying dosages.

+1

i don't really get bored of people themselves. but i'm not endlessly fascinating with analyzing them, either. what i do get tired of is people who are frequently negative, frequently overbearing, etc. i still like them, but i simply want to be with them less.

what i do get bored with is people always wanting to do the same thing or who won't ever go for anything impulsive. my favorite people are the ones that i can call at 2 am and be like, let's go to boston!

and they say

GOD DAMN IT SKYE. wait a couple days, we'll go this weekend when you don't have an essay test the next day. and don't forget your toothbrush.

 

[Eckhart]

Hm, no, I don't think that I get bored of people (unless they were boring to me in the first place). The longer I get to know them and the more I like them, the more I enjoy it. Seems though that other people don't show the same attitude towards me, and so ways split.

 

[JoSunshine]

One of my sayings is that there are New People people and Old People people. I'm an Old People person

This is my theory:

New People people - Are excited about new people and put time, effort, resources and the needs of new and interesting people first. You start off at #1 and slowly slide down the priority list over time.

Old People people - Are drawn to security and stability in friendships. They put time, effort, resources and the needs of proven people first. You start at the bottom of their list and gain priority over time.

Just a personal observation.

 

[Lark]

I think I'm the same, most of the research on friendship I've read resonates with me, that people have maybe at most half a dozen to a dozen friends with some ascending and descending in esteem or interest at all times, usually with one or two best friends to which they remain attached (even if they are married or partnered).

I've got suspiscions about how friendships, like so many other relationships, have been influenced by consumerism in the economy and culture, people crave novelty, upgrades, change for changes sake, boredom or routine or sameness is the new great satan, so some people go through friends like other people go through books, games or video. I include myself in that, I dont think anyone can grow up in a culture uninfluenced or unaffected by it even if you dont believe it, value it etc. or actively wish to.

 

[musicnerd93]

There are certain people that I click with so well that I really don't care about their flaws and I could hang out with them forever. (Well, clearly not FOREVER since I'm an introvert. )

But, then there are certain people that have certain flaws that I find extremely irritating. (i.e self absorption and hypocrisy, to name a few.) I mean, I know nobody's perfect and we're all guilty of self absorption and hypocrisy to some extent, but those kind of people that seem to use those two things every minute of their every day life really irritate the crap out of me.

THOSE are the kind of people I get tired of.

 

[KLessard]

No, can't say that I do. People are interesting, so I keep on hoping to find out more because I feel that you can never really know everything about them. The problem I have repeatedly encountered, though, is that in a while I start to feel that people might get bored of me, so I might start avoiding them in order to avoid getting a confirmation about that. That kind of sends a wrong message and things start to go downhill from there.

I think I can relate.

 

[Fenekk]

Yes and no. It depends on my mood, it seems. Sometimes I feel like I get soooooo bored of people, because I've got them all figured out, or little details of a person I once loved everything about have started really getting on my nerves. But then I keep running back to them and keep trying to uphold the relationship anyway. I always feel like I'm putting 100% into my relationships while other people aren't, so that makes me feel jaded about the whole thing. And yet I am completely prepared to continue to put 100% into the relationship no matter what happens. Also, if someone who previously doesn't "put as much" into the relationship as I do takes some initiative, it can really get me interested in our relationship again.

So, I guess "yes and no" is the only way I can say it.

 

[KLessard]

^
I've decided to stop investing myself so intensely into people. I screwed up too often, had my heart broken and dried up doing it and made the people feel uncomfortable, realizing there was an unhealthy obsessive attitude about it that had something to do with unresolved childhood pain.
Now, I let them come. I respond with love and open arms, but allowing the relationship to be equal is wiser, even though it requires patience.

 

[mochajava]

One of my sayings is that there are New People people and Old People people. I'm an Old People person

This is my theory:

New People people - Are excited about new people and put time, effort, resources and the needs of new and interesting people first. You start off at #1 and slowly slide down the priority list over time.

Old People people - Are drawn to security and stability in friendships. They put time, effort, resources and the needs of proven people first. You start at the bottom of their list and gain priority over time.

Just a personal observation.

I like this way of putting it! I think I'm an extremes gal. I like new people, I like old people, but I don't want to bother with anything in between.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I don't get bored with people I get exhausted.

 

[HighwayChild]

Anyone else ever enthusiastically write and essays worth of thoughts about a certain subject, only to read it, realize it sucks, and then delete it all?

In a way, that's how I am with people.