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  1. #21
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annwn View Post
    I tend to have the opposite problem. Although, I do think that there is a way to idealize a potential friendship/romance that people do and then when the actuality of the interaction sets in, they become disappointed by it. The times I've idealized people, I never got to know them, and have now grown out of that for the most part.

    I might find that people don't often feel like discussing ideas I find interesting, but I never feel I have a person figured out. I don't even feel that way about my mom, siblings, lovers, or anyone. If I know someone well for decades, I'll see my conclusions as having a high likelihood of accuracy, but nearly everyone has surprised me at some point. Most everyone is inconsistent and acts at some point in a way that baffles me. While there can be times I feel annoyance, the more prominent reaction for me is just overload. Being around people too much is like having bright lights from all directions, or loud sounds that are all incoherent and intertwining. I really like people, but the myriad perceptual distortions that define every interaction can just be too much. I know I have these distortions myself, but I try to keep a grasp on reason and the actuality of the situation and have a longing for people willing to at least attempt the same.
    Much of this (though not all) resonates with me.

    I don't really get bored with people over time though I might get bored with someone's style of communicating or interests right off the bat. For example, there is this guy I met last week who started going into enormous detail about how he makes cupcakes. Then he starts talking about college football. It's just I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in these things.

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  2. #22
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    my favorite people are the ones that i can call at 2 am and be like, let's go to boston!
    i really relate to this. it's the people
    that you can call in the wee hours that
    i'll put more effort in reaching out to
    hang out.

    i love late night decisions for instant mini road trips.
    it's like going out for a late supper, but better.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  3. #23
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    I'm more discerning than I used to be. So, not so much anymore, because I really don't allow things to get to that point--I try to keep people at the right psychological distance, whatever that happens to be.

    When a relationship reaches stability--that right psychological distance--I don't really get bored.

    I do get too busy or exhausted for people sometimes, though

  4. #24
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    i used to get bored like this when i was younger and couldn't easily distinguish between people who were "probably worth my energy" and those who were "probably not worth my energy".

    this boredom really exhausted me in the long term and i eventually figured out that i shouldn't just interpersonally indulge simply because someone new and shiny comes along, so now i really don't feel like this unless the person ends up exhausting me to an extreme degree. instead the enthusiasm just settles a little.
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  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    +1

    i don't really get bored of people themselves. but i'm not endlessly fascinating with analyzing them, either. what i do get tired of is people who are frequently negative, frequently overbearing, etc. i still like them, but i simply want to be with them less.

    what i do get bored with is people always wanting to do the same thing or who won't ever go for anything impulsive. my favorite people are the ones that i can call at 2 am and be like, let's go to boston!

    and they say

    GOD DAMN IT SKYE. wait a couple days, we'll go this weekend when you don't have an essay test the next day. and don't forget your toothbrush.

    I think that's part of the problem with this particular friend. I can understand why she would be afraid to try new things (she's been through a lot mentally), but I hate it when she shoots down practically all the ideas I come up with. On the other hand, I am frequently ill and its difficult for me to make friends in the first place.

  6. #26
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
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    It depends for me too.

    I have found I have 'run through' groups of people quite a lot over my life. I have remained friends with people way longer than I've wanted to though, because I always second guess myself and think I'm putting them up on a pedestal too much and not giving them a chance to show me more of who they are. Thing is, over and over, I've found a lot of people simply just don't HAVE more underneath. They don't reflect on anything, they can't give me reasons they like things, they focus on just BEING AROUND PEOPLE as much as possible but can't articulate what they get out of it.

    All sorts of stuff like that, and I just can't feel stimulated by it. I don't feel repelled by people who are into things I am not because if someone has a real joy and passion for something, I'm all aboard. Someone can have a passion for sports (which I'm not into on the whole) but if they have lots to say and can tell me stories about what it means to them, I'm right there with them. If they just do things seemingly compulsively with nothing to say about it, I get bored and I get judgmental I guess.

    Most of the people I've met in my rural area have been like this. I have these fantasies life would be better in a more metro area with more diversity and culture, but who knows.

    The people I've remained friends with for long periods of time are people who constantly grow, change, and evolve. I LIKE people changing. They pursue lots of new stuff all the time so we always have stuff to tell each other. Discoveries we've made, music we've gotten into, places we've traveled to, people we've met, etc.

    So I would say I do have a habit of getting bored and withdrawing.

    Also, I don't know if this is relevant, but 'group mentality' usually sends me running. I always fantasized of having 'a group' and I suppose I still do, but when I've been in 'groups' of friends, more often than not I start wigging out. Mainly when the tides turn to 'group think' where individual opinion starts to get suffocated and pushed out. It's weird because I do readily admit to being attracted to the solidarity and the "you go down, we all go down' thing, but I always get uncomfortable and go running. I get scared of losing my own outlook and doing something stupid/destructive/unjust because I'll be under the 'peer pressure' influence or 'group think' influence.
    "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

  7. #27
    facettes de la petite mor Words of Ivory's Avatar
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    Very much so. Just abbreviate your "several months" to "several hours" and you'll be closer to the mark for me.

    Interacting with people has gotten to the point where it's just the same old repetitive process again and again, getting to know people, and I'm unable to tolerate repetition. I also find most people to be irritably boring and unoriginal.

    Is that snobby? Maybe. It takes a lot for a person to impress me.

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  8. #28
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Words of Ivory View Post

    Interacting with people has gotten to the point where it's just the same old repetitive process again and again, getting to know people, and I'm unable to tolerate repetition. I also find most people to be irritably boring and unoriginal.

    Is that snobby? Maybe. It takes a lot for a person to impress me.
    I am usually having an internal conflict about this same sort of thing. I hate the idea of causing someone to feel rejected by me or judged because I know how it feels (even though logically I know it's all part of life for everyone), and I truly don't think people who don't 'do it' for me are beneath me in any way.

    Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly tired of repetition and especially if I feel I've been harshly criticized by 'partier' types, I will let loose the hell hounds of my inner judgment. I try very hard to remember people are all different and have different tastes, that there isn't anything 'wrong' or 'bad' about people who enjoy the stuff I personally find 'repetitive'. When it is implied I am antisocial (a word that pisses me off constantly because rarely does anyone use it in the correct definition), I get really indignant.

    If I am predisposed to be defensive and snotty, I think it's because I am very tired of the idea that 'partier' types are more 'normal' just because they're in the majority. You know, the whole thing where they want to shove anti-depressants down your throat just because you avoid parties. It's like they lend no merit to the phrase "I LIKE PEOPLE, just in smaller portions".

    I'd love to be someone who could go to a party and not feel most people say the same things and act the same way. At every single party I went to in the past year and a half (about 10-15) there were people taking pictures of each other holding up whatever alcoholic beverage they were drinking. Literally EVERY SINGLE ONE. To the point, parties became this exercise in "Follow The Steps".

    I understand others don't experience parties the same way I do, and I'm fine with that. Just because I find that stuff repetitive and "Oh come on!", doesn't mean it is inherently bad. I just get pissed when I'm posed with the notion that I'm screwed up, have low self esteem, etc. just because I don't share their enthusiasm.
    "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

  9. #29
    ..... Intricate Mystic's Avatar
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    I think people are what you make of them, to a certain extent. If you are enthusiastic and very engaged in conversation with them, they perk up and become more interesting to talk to. If you come across as bored and uninterested, you'll probably get the same response back. That said, the only people I tend to get bored with are the ones that are highly superficial in their social interactions. With me, no depth= no interest, unless the person has something unusual about them that alerts my curiosity. Sometimes, even highly superficial people can be interesting because I spot something slightly off in their otherwise "normal" behavior.

  10. #30
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Gloriana:
    If I am predisposed to be defensive and snotty, I think it's because I am very tired of the idea that 'partier' types are more 'normal' just because they're in the majority. You know, the whole thing where they want to shove anti-depressants down your throat just because you avoid parties. It's like they lend no merit to the phrase "I LIKE PEOPLE, just in smaller portions".
    I like your whole post, and I needed re-post a particular part of since it was worth repeating. This mentality is really hurtful and inaccurate.

    Intricate Mystic:

    I think people are what you make of them, to a certain extent. If you are enthusiastic and very engaged in conversation with them, they perk up and become more interesting to talk to. If you come across as bored and uninterested, you'll probably get the same response back. That said, the only people I tend to get bored with are the ones that are highly superficial in their social interactions. With me, no depth= no interest, unless the person has something unusual about them that alerts my curiosity. Sometimes, even highly superficial people can be interesting because I spot something slightly off in their otherwise "normal" behavior.
    Thanks for this -- really refreshing and rings true. You're right; you do get back what you give off, and that's very important to remember in all your interactions. I suppose in this thread we've all been focusing on the ones that just didn't work, for whatever reason.

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