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[NF] Just One of Those Small Magical Moments...

SecondBest

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Thought I'd share this story with everyone. I apologize in advance for speaking in vague terms, but I don't want to turn this into a teal deer post.

I graduated college a disappointment and a failure to a lot of people, especially my advisors who had high hopes for me. Personally, I couldn't have been prouder of what I had done with myself and my senior thesis. Without going into too much detail, let's just say I took a big risk and while it paid off for me in my own eyes, it was difficult for anyone else to understand what I was doing.

I returned the following autumn to my school to see my advisors again and this disappointment was made supremely clear to me, especially from one advisor. It broke my heart, because I truly believed he, of all people, understood what I was doing. I remember walking to the train station that morning, firmly believing that I would not ever come back to visit ever again. I found myself a bench close to the tracks and sat down feeling completely and utterly alone.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't realize this little girl had walked up right beside me. She introduced herself as Sophia, 5 or 6 years old, and I could see her parents were just a few feet away talking to their friends, but keeping their eye on her. She told me things like how she and her mom were going to dress up as witches for Halloween and other cute things little extroverted five year olds like to say to adults.

I was half-listening to her talk and half processing the last four years of my life - that is until Sophia said, "I have a present for you." And she handed me this:

4rxi09.jpg


I tried really hard not to cry and though I managed not to, I looked at Sophia and was able to mumble out a "thank you." I stepped aboard the train when it arrived, and looked back at Sophia and her parents, waving goodbye.

Possibly one of the most magical moments of my life. No matter how bad things get, I have this picture as a way of reminding myself that the world is always looking out for me.

I'd love to hear any stories you guys have that are along this vein. Because there's no way I'm the only one who's experienced something like this before.
 

mochajava

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You're right - you're not. I really love your story, and thank you for sharing. I will come up with one for you too... but life does seem alternatingly magic and beautiful, then devastating. The proportions may change though.

^Was that melodramatic like an INFJ? :) Whatevs. It's how I see it.
 

SecondBest

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Thanks! My story might seem melodramatic, but this happened exactly as I described it.

Just a side note, I took the picture with my cell phone while on lay over at another station. I went home and sealed the leaf in a plastic bag and kept it for about a year before I had to throw it away.
 

mochajava

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Aw, I wasn't calling your story melodramatic at all! I was referring to what I'd written... but now that I re-read a few hours later, I think it's appropriate. Sometimes things are just STRONG. Telling it like it is is not melodramatic.
 

SecondBest

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Aw, I wasn't calling your story melodramatic at all! I was referring to what I'd written... but now that I re-read a few hours later, I think it's appropriate. Sometimes things are just STRONG. Telling it like it is is not melodramatic.

Ah, OK. Yeah, I only thought you were referring to what I said, because there was definitely nothing about you said that I felt was melodramatic whatsoever. Yeah, totally agree - sometimes things just are strong.

Looking forward to reading your story!
 

Gloriana

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I totally, and completely, understand this. I've had those moments too, and I don't care if I get made fun of, your story has me all glossy eyed! I really understand.

Really transcendent, visceral moments that are really hard to 'tell' as stories. I tend to try to work those experiences into my fiction because I guess it's easier to tell it in a fictional way as opposed to non-fiction/memoir. I suppose because those moments do feel so powerful they're almost like being in some waking dream. Sometimes I've had those thoughts of "Maybe this moment is part of a story someone else is telling about me".

Most people seem to find that sort of stuff so Hallmarky or OTT, but every so often I'll run into someone who 'gets' it. Like, for instance if I was telling your story as my own, I'll get people who would be like "So wait, you like leaves or something?" or "Do you mean that you wish people would give you more presents?", haha. Some people just 'get' it though, and it just feels nice when they do.
 

mochajava

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You know what? Expressing deep sentiments can be so hard even if everyone agrees with you. Why is this?

For instance, my field is public health. It's not a big $$$ field, so no one really gets into it unless they care about improving people's health on a large scale. You know, helping people, doing good.

Yet, even in the exclusive company of people in my field, it's hard to just come out and say, "I wanted to do something that combined my interest in science and doing some good for people / the world / humanity / whatever".
 

SecondBest

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You know what? Expressing deep sentiments can be so hard even if everyone agrees with you. Why is this?

For instance, my field is public health. It's not a big $$$ field, so no one really gets into it unless they care about improving people's health on a large scale. You know, helping people, doing good.

Yet, even in the exclusive company of people in my field, it's hard to just come out and say, "I wanted to do something that combined my interest in science and doing some good for people / the world / humanity / whatever".

I couldn't say for sure, but I think it has to do with the fact that you're just exposing something that's very important to you. The more you value that something you're giving away, the harder it is. I'd think that that kind of vulnerability would terrify anyone, no matter how nurturing or understanding the environment you expose yourself in.
 

alcea rosea

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Lovely story. :) Maybe that little girl noticed that you were feeling bad and tried to make you feel better? Lovely little girl.

I hope you are feeling better!
 

SecondBest

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Lovely story. :) Maybe that little girl noticed that you were feeling bad and tried to make you feel better? Lovely little girl.

I hope you are feeling better!

Thanks! Definitely better than I was back then, for sure. And she was a lovely little girl - very cute, curly brown hair, and her eyes had a sparkling quality to them like most kids. She probably did sense something was wrong with me and wanted to help.

She's probably an ENFx.
 

alcea rosea

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Thanks! Definitely better than I was back then, for sure. And she was a lovely little girl - very cute, curly brown hair, and her eyes had a sparkling quality to them like most kids. She probably did sense something was wrong with me and wanted to help.

She's probably an ENFx.

I thought of ENFJ actually when I read your OP. ENFP is possible too althought (at least I) but ENFP would be living more in the extroverted intution spur when a child and not noticing so much about people's emotions. I would guess ENFJ's would be really focusing on extroverted feeling when a child and thus noticing when a person is feeling down and would feel the urge to help people? I don't know, I was just playing with the idea.

Isnt' it frustrating when people don't understand why you are doing things (referring to your reason why you did things you did when graduating). Would that reason be value related thing? Because I've noticed many people don't understand my reasoning when it's based on my values (=introverted feeling). They see it as irrational. But for my mind, values are most important of all. I do have to remember that my values are only my values and important only for me but still....
 

Sparrow

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I almost cried reading your story :( that was so sweet!
 

SecondBest

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Isnt' it frustrating when people don't understand why you are doing things (referring to your reason why you did things you did when graduating). Would that reason be value related thing? Because I've noticed many people don't understand my reasoning when it's based on my values (=introverted feeling). They see it as irrational. But for my mind, values are most important of all. I do have to remember that my values are only my values and important only for me but still....

It's enormously frustrating, but the plus side is, looking back, the bond I have with myself is immeasurably strong. And that has made it all worthwhile. Why I did what I did was complicated, but yeah, essentially you could say it was based on my values. And I don't think it's possible for anyone to understand a value-based decision unless they shared the same values themselves.

I almost cried reading your story :( that was so sweet!

Awww Sparrow. :) I almost cried living my story, too.

And to all you ENFs or INFs (or anyone really) out there, kindness to a stranger can make an enormous difference in their lives. You're probably already doing it on a regular basis, but just thought I'd throw out a reminder.
 
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