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  1. #1
    Peaced Quay's Avatar
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    Default NFs - When are you unapologetic?

    Sometimes I feel like an ass whenever I disagree with someone, and try to overexplain my reasoning (feelings).

    However, there are very few times when I don't care and I'm not going to apologize and explain myself.

    Does anyone do this, and why do you decide to agree to disagree (or however civil one can make it)?

  2. #2
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    Almost never, to a fault

    Although, I usually find that I can explain my position in such a way that I don't need to be unapologetic. Often, it's just a matter of clarifying misunderstandings by analyzing things from the other person's perspective, 'meeting' them where they are, and guiding them to an understanding of my stance (or what I actually meant by something I said) from there.

    Usually, if a person really knows what I mean, the issue gets resolved. If I forget to call you but I do care about you, I'll ensure that you don't take my forgetfulness as a sign that I don't care.

    Sometimes, well.. screw it. If someone's being an arrogant, insulting jerkface and pushing their stance way too much or 'reading' me in a totally incorrect way and insisting that they know me, I'll sometimes apologize just to end a confrontation, then pretty much have nothing to do with them again. I'm not really responsible for changes that other people 'should' make in their overreaching life perspectives--I can't change them, and there's no point in butting heads with someone who wouldn't compromise a damn thing, if the stakes are pretty low.

    Ironically, apologizing or agreeing in such a manner is a way of being unapologetic.


    When I notice that I start to bend too much, that's when I become truly unapologetic. I'm not going to compromise on very fundamental core values--religious stances and so on.

    Compromising on little B.S. daily details? Yeah, I don't care enough about those to make a fuss about them. Anything less is just pedantry.

  3. #3
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    I am always sorry for something.

    I will gladly back down on my stand if someone can present a new perspective that makes sense.

    Being sorry doesn't mean I am going to change my mind. It just means that I am aware that no matter what I do or say.. someone, somewhere is not going to like it.
    I am concerned and sympathetic, but it's ultimately their problem not mine.

    I have to take care of myself, because no one else will. I shouldn't have to be apologetic for that.

  4. #4
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I don't think I'm ever unapologetic, which actually kind of sucks. On the very few occasions when I've been hard on someone (only with good reason, I think) and then they are sad and apologetic, I almost end up apologising for being hard on them, even if they totally deserved it and I had an apology coming...

    I'm both Canadian and INFJ. What can I say, I apologise constantly
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  5. #5
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    @ Canadians.. It's funny because it's true, eh?

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    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    @ Canadians.. It's funny because it's true, eh?
    It's so true! In terms of being over-apologetic, I'm pretty much doomed. I mean, even non-INFJ Canadians apologise when SOMEONE ELSE steps on their foot.
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  7. #7
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    I'm unapologetic anytime someone expects something they have no right to expect.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #8
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    I might apologize for offending someone, but I never, ever apologize for expressing an opinion, even if it is offensive to someone. To me, that's just like apologizing for being yourself and calling it like you see it. And we all see "it" differently, whatever "it" may be.


    Also, if I've already apologized to someone but they don't want to accept it and stay mad at me, expecting me to get down on my knees and beg forgiveness, I refuse to re-apologize, because I've already done my job. If they want to dwell on it, that's for them to deal with.

    And then, yes, I also have those times when I just explain myself so I don't come off quite as heartless as I may have sounded.

  9. #9
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    ditto on pretty much everything bologna said.

    i get much more upset about the way people treat me / one another than their actual arguments. if someone thoughtfully and respectfully tells me i am wrong as fuck, that's cool. but if they tell me i'm an idiot and don't know anything, that's when i launch into Te.

  10. #10
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    when people misread me or my intentions, or when for any reason i feel strongly self-righteous in my anger

    these are rare occasions

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