I get heated up when people don't understand perspective. I don't ever apologize when I have a certain opinion that clashes with another person's opinions or values. Why should I apologize? I wouldn't expect anyone else to, either.
edit: Also...I just thought about this.
A lot of it has to be about respect. I expect others to respect my opinions. I force myself to respect other's opinions as well even if they are completely asinine.
Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?
I get unapologetic and downright cold when someone tries to fuck with my decisions or in anyway does not respect my decision. It's a conflict I would run into a lot with extroverts generally speaking, especially ESFJs.
I'm not apologetic when I haven't done anything to fault the other person.
Miscommunications, to me, are things to apologize for. Not that I am the only one at fault (it takes two to communicate) but that I acknowledge that I have a part in transferring the data to the other person in a way where it was analyzed in a way that differs from my intentions. I frequently say things where it makes sense in my head, but out loud it sounds like something a dying monkey was trying to say in giraffe while being choked and eaten alive by wolves. My intention was to say, "I am sorry, father, that we haven't been supportive." and yet, my actual words were taken as, "YOU are not being supportive to US." HOW this happens, I dunno.. but I know I can always improve my communication skills.
I'm not very apologetic when it comes to debates in the first place though. If I found a reason to debate, it's important enough to me to not acknowledge it, ignore it and move on. Usually, I have my ducks in a fairly well line to debate with, and something has to be resolved. I'm apologetic with the little things (being late to something, having to cancel something, miscommunicating, etc.) but not so readily for bigger fish that need frying.
Apologetic situation - I thought my friend was ignoring me. It turns out she lost her phone. We talk it over and I apologize for thinking that nasty thought, and forgive her for not contacting me sooner.
Unapologetic situation - I thought my friend was ignoring me, and it turns out that although she said several excuses, I've already learned those excuses to be lies. Whatever the reason, she was ignoring me and knew I was trying to contact her and did not contact me. I don't apologize for calling her out on that, or for being a bit brunt and honest about how I knew her excuses were lies. Whatever happens from there is on her.
Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.
Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
prplchknz: i don't like it
In online conversations, I will try to stear away from annoyance, but some
people aggravate the shit out of me, they annoy me, bore me, and all I want
to do then is piss them off and make a big f-in joke out of them.
In real life, however, I will always try to find common ground with people in
conversations, or just let them have it because I don't have the patience to
confer with judgemental provocateurs. I don't think I've ever had a long
argument with anyone in real life my entire life, and I probably never will.
I'm really good at hitting people's nerves in real life, making them explode, and
leave. And I'm left wondering "What the fuck just happened?"
As an NT, I always feel the need to explain myself.
I wouldn't want any disagreements to come about from misunderstandings.
I think I'm strong enough that I can explain myself, admit weakness without actually being weak.
There are a lot of fools in the world and I keep hoping I'm not one of them,
When I'm furious and I need to calm down. When I do, I usually always apologize.
If I'm not angry, and I don't apologize, then I either forget, or think that it will just make the situation worse by bringing the situation up again.
I'm unapologetic with people who are exceptionally selfish user types trying to claim that somehow they are a victim. No, it doesn't work that way.
I apologize to a fault typically though. I have had so many fights with my parents where I apologize because I worry that I've caused them too much stress in the argument. It's pretty ridiculous, because my parents typically are totally in the wrong, because I never get to the point of arguing until it gets pretty bad. They, never have this desire. I can count on my fingers the number of times either parent has ever apologized to me in my life.