Hi You All (INFPs and other NFs)
I'm wondering if some of you can give me some advice about a relationship I'm in with an INFP. This post might be kinda long so if you only want to respond to a couple things, I understand. Any feedback would be appreciated either way.
This INFP guy and I have been seeing each other in a nonromantic way for a few years. We only see each other once a month or two which may seem insignificant on the surface of it. But whenever we're together, we have the most delightful, intellectual and sometimes deep conversations. I find that the more I spend time with him, the more I feel we have in common. It's clear that for some time (probably over a year) that we're attracted to each other. He does a lot of nonverbal stuff: blushing, smoothing out his hair, clothes, etc. whereas I'm more flirty. But we've never said anything about it because circumstances make it difficult for us to be involved.
Most of the time I see him, the INFP wears a poker face. I'm never sure what he's thinking. (I understand this is common with INFPs) A few months ago, he acted similarly but all of the sudden, as if shifting in midsentence, gazed into my eyes. He wouldn't look away. But I did. I just couldn't keep the stare even though I wanted to. I looked back and he was still staring. I freaked! This happened a couple of times. I thought I was going to die! It seemed it lasted for minutes. I've never felt anything like that before. It felt surreal. It was extremely INTENSE!
I was feeling the eye gaze for days - a sense of intoxication, head rush, heart pounding, all I was thinking about was him and...well you know... Then I started saying to myself, "I think I'm in ....with him.." But I couldn't say the word. I started thinking this is getting SOOOO ridiculously out of hand because I DON'T REALLY KNOW HIM! Well, I do know him through our conversations about politics, religion, philosophy, books, ideas. I know he's kind, thoughtful, intelligent, sophisticated, gentle, sweet, empathetic, has beautiful soulful eyes, etc. Everything I really want in a guy, but I don't really know him. I don't know about his childhood, his favorite kind of food, his first girlfriend. I REALLY DON'T KNOW HIM. How could I be in love with him? It could be infatuation, but it seems like something more because this has been going on for a while and I've already experienced infatuation with him. The fact that the eye gaze had such an intense effect is significant to me. I've never felt this way before.
It's been a few months since the eyegazing. I want to talk to him about my experience. But I'm somewhat afraid because he's a sensitive INFP and everything related to the attraction has been nonverbal up to this point. I know that INFPss don't like unnecessary surprises or feel forced to give a response. I don't want to back him into a corner or scare him into some kind of confession. I feel that this INFP guy needs to tell me how he feels when he's ready. (Does an INFP male ever do this?) Still, I want to share with him what I experienced with him with the eye gaze. Truth is, that I feel differently when we're together now, since that experience. (It's almost like we had sex because of the intimate nature of it). We've become much more comfortable together. I can feel it in the room. I've told him that I feel extremely vulnerable in part because he knows so much more about me than I do about him. When I told him that I know he doesn't really like talking about himself. He said, "No. That's not true. I can talk about myself more if you want." So I guess that was encouraging.
I'm wondering if his initiation of the eye gaze was a confession, his way of telling me how he feels since INFPs prefer nonverbal communication I'm told. I'm not sure where to go with this... Is he waiting for some kind of response from me? Is it really a good idea to TALK about the eye gazing experience with him or will it turn him off? Will it take away from the magic/specialness of the experience? How do I let him know how meaningful that eye gazing experience was for me without it seeming like a trap?
Questions - Questions - And Still More Questions:
Have any of you INFPs (or other NFs) ever had an INSTENSE eye gazing experience? What was it like? Was the fact that it was intense, significant to you?
Do you think that if the eye gazing was intense for one, it was also significant for the other?
What does eyegazing mean to you (INFPs)? Does it signify love, attraction, appreciation, longing? What is its specific meaning?
Is it possible to fall in love with someone you don't really know?
Any advice about whether I should say something about the eye gazing or leave it alone?
I'm really having a difficult time trying to figure out what to do.
Thanks again to those who take the time to read and respond. I know this post is rather long.ong.[/COLOR]