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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    With most of us you don't need a model body, just a fascinating mind. I like the idea of the librarian who I find lying on my bed in some lingerie she picked up as a surprise - for me, and only me.
    It's the way you said this that made me laugh. That's quite a fascinating mind she has there. :yim_rolling_on_the_

  2. #62
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Mask Manifest
    Her dirtier fantasies or YOUR dirtier fantasies? lol


    Posted by Onceajoan Exactly. LOL


    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    With most of us you don't need a model body, just a fascinating mind. I like the idea of the librarian who I find lying on my bed in some lingerie she picked up as a surprise - for me, and only me.
    That might be easier to pull off (in more ways than one). Getting out of that feline, leather get up might take some time.

    BTW: Your location, runvardth, explains it all. In the gutter.
    Last edited by Onceajoan; 08-13-2010 at 08:31 PM. Reason: thought of something additional to say

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    I'm starting to wonder if you INFPs get out much (or rather, get any).

    And don't knock feminism. You know that Gloria Steinem was a Playboy Bunny.
    In my life it's either feast or famine - right now I'm going through famine...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  4. #64
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    I can't seem to decide whether INFPs are virginesque or perverts deep down inside.
    I can see how that would confuse you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Although I definitely have some curves, I wouldn't describe myself as voluptuous. So, I guess I'm out of luck.

    "I want you, now" (said in a deep, sensual way) makes me laugh hysterically. idk. I just can't fathom it. idk. maybe. I get more like that once I'm comfortable in a relationship. The longer the relationship the dirtier I become. It requires some priming though. Then, anything goes (well almost anything).

    I'm starting to think that maybe infps go for dominatrix types a la The Matrix. Maybe I should start planning for Holloween.

    (Please note: I'm in fantasy mode only here ^^^^)

    Questions for INFPs (if you care to respond)

    Do you think that INFPs like to be dominated?

    Are INFPs kinky types?
    Although voluptuous is mainly used to describe a girl's curves, I was leaning
    more towards the actual definition of it, which is more in the lines of illicit
    sexual appetite (I'm Norwegian, I can fuck up your language and get away
    with it). When I say aggressive/uncontrolled I do not mean domination. But
    sure, if she push me over the bed/couch, jumps on top of me, and eagerly
    undress me, I'll have no complaints.

    I don't know what else to say. I've written it a couple of times in different
    threads, today/yesterday -- potato sacks makes me flaccid

    A couple of guys gave me rep for this post if you care to read.

  6. #66
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    This might make me sound tacky and new-agey, but I believe the elements that are beyond our control have a force of its own, their own voice. And they speak to us in various ways, also very subtlely (and I know how much you hate subtlety :P ), so you just have to pay extra special attention to what's going on. Even the conversation I'm having with you right now, I believe, is the universe trying to guide me through something that's been on my mind (which I'll explain later in my next response). I think it's something my fellow INFPs can understand, seeing the world in this way.
    Sorry, Second Best. I've been intending to reply earlier, but I got distracted by the donimatrix conversation. We've kinda got off topic here.

    No. Subtle is okay. I just think it's a bit risky as a strategy because one takes the chance at being misinterpreted or being ignored. Being direct is my natual "go to" because of its effectiveness. Of course, when it comes to romance, subtlety leads more to the imagination (and perhaps enables the other to decide where they want the relationship to go next OR not. Or better yet, the other has no expectations at all). This is why (after reading the various) threads, I believe it's better not to verbalize, though that would be my natural tendency. As you mentioned earlier, something like, you've learned to trust the process of relationship evolution. It happens on its own timetable. I think this leads to a different experience.

    As far as the universe goes, yeah, I feel that there are forces greater than ourselves at work. I don't believe that everything necessarily happens for a reason, but I do believe that there are people we were meant to meet with during our lifetimes. We meet special other people because they have something to teach us (i.e. "life" lessons). I read Gary Zukav's book, "The Seat of the Soul" a few years ago. (I'm almost embarrassed to say so since Gary Zukav was promoted quite a bit on the Oprah Winfrey show). Anyways, besides what I feel was a weak premise and spiritual perspective, something he said struck a chord. Zukav said something like, we're all in earth school together (it's like being in school) and we all have certain lessons to learn - some need to learn compassion, some need to learn to be brave, others need to learn patience. In order to graduate, as part of one's developmental process prior to death, we need to learn our life lesson. There are people we are destined to meet that will help us learn our life lesson. For me, I know that I have to learn to "let go" because I have a strong need to control things. I'm working on it but I haven't mastered it yet. There are few people I have met in the past who have had a profound impact on me in the way that Zukav mentions. I feel that the INFP guy that I've mentioned is one of these people.

    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    Well, believe it or not, my slow and subtle approach came out of finding a balance point, as usually, I'd be TOO direct with people. I grew up with an INFJ mother in a household that was quite conflict ridden and everyone would just twitch in anticipation just to call someone else out on something. So I guess you can say, I picked up on it a little bit? As careful as I'd like to be, I value courage in myself even more and I can honestly say in my life that there has never been an opportunity, romantically that is, where I was too timid or shy to have ruined the chance to be with someone. It's something I really like about myself - I definitely don't let fear become a factor.
    Fear IS a factor for me. As a woman it's been easy for me to cop out though, because I tend to let the guy make all the moves. I take none of the responsibility. And to be honest, I don't want any of the responsibility. That's not very brave, is it?

    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    I guess I emphasize slow and subtle in approaching someone because it's the latest way I've approached someone I fell pretty hard for. It was an online thing, so there's lots of room for miscommunication there. Unfortunately, it didn't work out, (it seems she wasn't interested in me) but there was no way (she was an INFP as well) that she didn't know I liked her and was interested in being closer to her. Or at least, I'd be very very very surprised if she didn't.
    Yeah. I think that's one of the shortcomings of subtly. Although, I sense, based on my own experience thus far that this approach leads to more authentic depths and expressions of feelings. Now, looking back at my previous romantic experiences, they did seem to proceed by a more formulatic and artificial manner. I didn't feel the same way I'm feeling right now with the INFP. I like how it feels so natural and real (and free, in a way).

    I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    So this is to say, I adjust my approach to the person, just as you're adjusting your approach to your INFP, and being as thoughtful as talking to other INFPs in an MBTI forum before you make your move is definitely the right way to go. With the ISFJs I've loved in the past, I was very clear, literal, and direct (yet mindful of their feelings) because that's the way THEY communicate. So yeah, just single-mindedly taking one approach to everything I think just doesn't work - adapt, adapt, adapt. I may have been unintentionally misleading in my previous posts about this.
    Yeah. Adjusting ones approach to the other is ideal, but requires self reflection and insight. This is something I never did (or thought to do) before in previous relationships. I think it would have been helpful in retrospect. But, I wasn't, then, where I am today.

    However, to play devil's advocate, shouldn't we all just be themselves rather than adjusting ourselves to be like someone else? If I'm being infpish to please an infp, then I'm not really being myself, am I? As an NF (borderline NT) , I feel very uncomfortable being S. I don't think I could be literal and concrete to suit an S, it's just not my style. My humor is very dry and there's many an S that simply does not understand me. Trying to be ISFJ would be torture for me. The relationship would probably not work either. But that's me.

    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    I used to do this kind of testing you're talking about. Dreaming about the ideal girl, and doing a overlay of this ideal girl on a real girl and seeing how well the two pieces fit. But somewhere along the way, I realized something that was and is pretty much at the center of who I am:

    So what if I get lucky and I meet that PERFECT woman? What makes me think that this PERFECT woman is going to be interested in me? That's when I realized something big: if I want to be with the PERFECT woman, then I have to be the PERFECT man. Much of my life since then has been about constructing this idea of what the perfect man would be like and then becoming that man. Have I achieved this goal? It's tough to say. It's an exhausting and painful endeavor and somewhere along the way, I literally tapped out. I don't believe I've failed, but I'm not fully comfortably saying that I succeeded. Oh, and this is not to say I wanted to be the perfect man for everyone. Definitely not the case and I'm not even sure I'd want that. This is to be the perfect man for MY perfect woman.
    Why PERFECT? I'm a bit of a perfectionist but I don't understand why PERFECT WOMAN or PERFECT MAN would be a standard to be strived for since that person doesn't exist. I'm not trying to criticize you, I'm just trying to see where you're coming from. I understand that many INFPs have their sense of the ideal mate. AND they give a lot of thought to what this ideal mate looks like. Huh. I find that a little intimidating given I'm interested in an INFP. I keep thinking he has this standard of the ideal/perfect mate and that somehow I'll fall short because he'll discover something that totally turns him off - something that doesn't fit his list of criteria (for example: maybe I'm a little too sarcastic, maybe a little overweight, maybe I'm a little more judgmental than an INFP would be so it's unacceptable - to be rejected). Yeah. This is definitely intimidating knowing that INFPs tend to be this way. Measuring me against an ideal that doesn't exist doesn't seem fair. Yet I understand INFPs to be very tolerant and nonjudgmental so it seems to be a bit of a contradiction.

    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    I've started to wonder whether the girl I fell for online is pondering these same questions. No matter how hard I think about it, and how hard I search for any hints in our history that she may have even been remotely interested in me, or re-construct different possibilities and scenarios in my head, the answer, in the end, is pretty clear. She's not interested.
    Yeah. My last relationship was just like this ^
    I was devastated. His last words to me were, "I never had any feelings for you." That's why I'm reluctant to make a move with this INFP guy. I was fooled once, I don't want to be fooled again. In my past relationship, the guy gave every impression of being interested in me, although it was (again) subtle in its communication. I realized that he was just using me all along. It took me a long time to get over him.

    So, again, I'm sorry. I know this is not an easy thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    It may be because she's had such terrible relationship experiences that she's deathly afraid of new ones. Or she's not interested in me directly. Or she took the slow and subtle approach at a DEAD SLOW pace, though the last one seems very unlikely to me. Either way, she had to know I liked her - it was pretty obvious, just take my word for it on that one. I was hoping if she was afraid, she'd feel more at ease if she knew my feelings for her. You might suggest I find out for sure, but it's too late now. She's gone and I also have no idea who she is, what she looks like, where she lives, contact info, etc.
    Just wasn't meant to be.

  7. #67
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angell_m View Post
    When I say aggressive/uncontrolled I do not mean domination. But sure, if she push me over the bed/couch, jumps on top of me, and eagerly undress me, I'll have no complaints.
    That sounds like most any man, in general. I'm starting to think INFP men are no different despite their often mild mannered personna.

    Originally Posted by Onceajoan
    I can't seem to decide whether INFPs are virginesque or perverts deep down inside.


    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    I can see how that would confuse you.

    Yeah. I really do want to understand more about INFP male sexuality. I've visited a number of boards where many of the INFP guys admit to being virgins. Granted, many of these INFP guys are young. But, yet, other INFPs seem to be holding out for the "right" relationship with the "right" person. This is NOT exactly the norm for most guys. That's why I said "virginesque". INFPs are idealists not only in their search for the perfect partner but also, I think, in their general outlook which is marked by childhood innocence.

    Please know that I used the word "pervert" loosely. I didn't mean to suggest that INFPs are perverted in some kind of judgmental way. I'm just starting to wonder if their is some preoccupation or obsession with sex for INFPs (maybe INFP males specifically). Again, I get this sense from reading posts from various forums. Of course, some of the posts may be pure bravado. I can see how this preoccupation could arise since INFPs are known to fantasize a lot (Enneagram Type 4s and 5s do too). So there could be a connection there.

    Still, I like to figure this one out. Maybe I'll create a new thread on the topic. INFPs Virgins or Perverts: You Decide!

  8. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    I can't seem to decide whether INFPs are virginesque or perverts deep down inside.

    But, yet, other INFPs seem to be holding out for the "right" relationship with the "right" person. This is NOT exactly the norm for most guys. That's why I said "virginesque". INFPs are idealists not only in their search for the perfect partner but also, I think, in their general outlook which is marked by childhood innocence.
    I haven't read what you guys were talking about here... but I'll answer this one. Yes, I can be seen virginesque and perv at the same time. It's a bit strange for me as well. It is like I would not object doing just about anything and so on, but there's also this thing with me that I recognize when I am only physically attracted to someone, and I never actively try to do anything about it, since I know that it will not really do the thing for me... It's not like I am waiting for someone perfect, one night stands are fine, I just never try to hit on anyone just because I need to get laid.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Sorry, Second Best. I've been intending to reply earlier, but I got distracted by the donimatrix conversation. We've kinda got off topic here.
    Absolutely no need to apologize, Onceajoan. I got your message as well. Forums can get distracted, it happens.

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Fear IS a factor for me. As a woman it's been easy for me to cop out though, because I tend to let the guy make all the moves. I take none of the responsibility. And to be honest, I don't want any of the responsibility. That's not very brave, is it?
    I mean, who wants responsibility? I don't. But pick your choice of cliche:

    Fortune favors the bold.
    Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
    Be brave and shit.

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Yeah. I think that's one of the shortcomings of subtly. Although, I sense, based on my own experience thus far that this approach leads to more authentic depths and expressions of feelings. Now, looking back at my previous romantic experiences, they did seem to proceed by a more formulatic and artificial manner. I didn't feel the same way I'm feeling right now with the INFP. I like how it feels so natural and real (and free, in a way).

    I'm sorry it didn't work out for you.
    I love anything natural and real and free, so yeah, you see why I do things the way I do. And no need to apologize. It may suck, but I've certainly hurt women in the past when I've told them I wasn't interested and I'm sure this is just karma coming back to bite me in the ass in one way or another.

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post

    Yeah. Adjusting ones approach to the other is ideal, but requires self reflection and insight. This is something I never did (or thought to do) before in previous relationships. I think it would have been helpful in retrospect. But, I wasn't, then, where I am today.

    However, to play devil's advocate, shouldn't we all just be themselves rather than adjusting ourselves to be like someone else? If I'm being infpish to please an infp, then I'm not really being myself, am I? As an NF (borderline NT) , I feel very uncomfortable being S. I don't think I could be literal and concrete to suit an S, it's just not my style. My humor is very dry and there's many an S that simply does not understand me. Trying to be ISFJ would be torture for me. The relationship would probably not work either. But that's me.
    You definitely have a point there. Though for an INFJ, "being" an INFP to make the right approach isn't THAT much of a stretch as it would be for the ISFJ. And I don't know if this is true for INFPs in general, but I kind of enjoy "becoming" other people. It's our area of expertise, I think.

    And yes, your humor is very dry. If I weren't into British comedy, I would've stopped talking to you a LOOONG time ago. :P

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Why PERFECT? I'm a bit of a perfectionist but I don't understand why PERFECT WOMAN or PERFECT MAN would be a standard to be strived for since that person doesn't exist. I'm not trying to criticize you, I'm just trying to see where you're coming from. I understand that many INFPs have their sense of the ideal mate. AND they give a lot of thought to what this ideal mate looks like. Huh. I find that a little intimidating given I'm interested in an INFP. I keep thinking he has this standard of the ideal/perfect mate and that somehow I'll fall short because he'll discover something that totally turns him off - something that doesn't fit his list of criteria (for example: maybe I'm a little too sarcastic, maybe a little overweight, maybe I'm a little more judgmental than an INFP would be so it's unacceptable - to be rejected). Yeah. This is definitely intimidating knowing that INFPs tend to be this way. Measuring me against an ideal that doesn't exist doesn't seem fair. Yet I understand INFPs to be very tolerant and nonjudgmental so it seems to be a bit of a contradiction.
    First, replace PERFECT with just Good. I hope that fixes things.

    Second, if it makes you feel any better, when I meet someone I like, any idea of an ideal woman can easily go right out the window. To give you a simple but shallow example, let's say my ideal woman is a curvy girl and I meet an amazing girl who's on the thinner side. Suddenly, I don't find curvy girls attractive anymore, and I'm looking for pornography that only have skinny girls in them because the old stuff just doesn't cut it anymore. If you have a good heart and a good soul, that will trump everything and anything else.


    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Yeah. My last relationship was just like this ^
    I was devastated. His last words to me were, "I never had any feelings for you." That's why I'm reluctant to make a move with this INFP guy. I was fooled once, I don't want to be fooled again. In my past relationship, the guy gave every impression of being interested in me, although it was (again) subtle in its communication. I realized that he was just using me all along. It took me a long time to get over him.

    So, again, I'm sorry. I know this is not an easy thing.
    Wow. I never had any feelings for you? Really? WTF, yo?

    I'm really sorry - I can understand how you would be afraid this time around. This INFURIATES me because I went through a similar thing but with a friendship. Used me as well. I'm glad you're over it now though.

    But in truth, there's no better way to get back on that horse than to just get back on that horse.

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Just wasn't meant to be.
    Unfortunate but true. Just gotta keep swimming.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post

    Still, I like to figure this one out. Maybe I'll create a new thread on the topic. INFPs Virgins or Perverts: You Decide!
    I totally support this.

    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Yes, I can be seen virginesque and perv at the same time. It's a bit strange for me as well. It is like I would not object doing just about anything and so on, but there's also this thing with me that I recognize when I am only physically attracted to someone, and I never actively try to do anything about it, since I know that it will not really do the thing for me... It's not like I am waiting for someone perfect, one night stands are fine, I just never try to hit on anyone just because I need to get laid.
    Though I can't say I've had a one night stand, I agree with that last bit nolla said. I would never use anyone just to release sexual energy - that's why masturbation was invented. I'm probably seen as both virginesque and perv at the same time, too, honestly. I think it just comes with the testosterone.

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