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  1. #21
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Prolonged physical contact that is not seemingly accidental would help me in that situation, but don't touch my crotch till we start mack'n.

    Edit: Also, don't light up (cigarette) while I'm about to try and don't have a lucid kid in line of sight.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  2. #22
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    Do this, with the hand job... at the same time. Now, THAT'S a winning strategy!
    Nothing's as hot as ambidexterity....

  3. #23
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    I've just been hurt too many times by my own imagination and I'm looking for an alternative - the only one available being reality.
    I find that to be an interesting perspective. I've never considered being hurt by my imagination. I tend to get hurt by reality more than anything else (i.e. my own limitations, my life time on this planet, my inability to freely express myself, the fact that others don't care, the fact that I'm not really living the life I want - okay I'll stop because I'm getting depressed). It's the fantasy versus the harsh reality of existence. Nothing is seemingly as it is suppose to be yet if you practice mindfulness, everything is as it is suppose to be (?) I've been hurt so many times by reality that I prefer fantasy. Although I spend most of my time and thoughts in the real world.


    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    I think this was just a poor choice of words on my part in the abstract vs. reality sense re: sex. You're right, sex is just as real as the intellectual discussion, but I guess - I'm not sure what I really mean, honestly. I guess what I'm trying to say is that something happens to the two people in a metaphysical sense that brings them together... I guess I'm trying to say sex "seals the deal" in terms of closeness. You can't get any closer to a person than sex? I don't know.
    No apologies necessary for word choices. I was just aiming at clarification because I'm really interested in the sex/intimacy connection. I understand that men and women tend to see this differently. Women typically want initimacy before sex whereas men see sex as a form of intimate expression which may lead to love. It seems that maybe some INFP men are different in this regard. Most any man I have ever dated has wanted sex fairly early in our relationship. This was okay when I was younger because I was interested too and we shared some level of connection, caring and trust. But I don't think the sex ever felt truly intimate. Now I'm starting to understand the reason.

    When you say, "sex seals the deal" in terms of closeness, it could also be understood in terms of biochemistry. The brain releases a lot of hormones during sex - oxytocin being one of them (I think) responsible for bonding between couples Maybe sex seems more concrete in this sense. Things are happening between bodies obviously, but also in the brain which regulates our behavior and thoughts.

    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    Honestly, when it comes down to it, reading your situation, IMO you just have to take the plunge. Do what you'd normally do and say how you'd normally say it. The real anxiety I see in all this is that you're trying to know something that you can't really know unless you make the decision you need to make - which is to tell him how you feel. I can appreciate trying to be as careful and as certain as possible before you make the decision, but the only real certainty can only come once you've taken that leap. And based on what you're saying it seems like the right decision.
    Do you know? You INFPs are a little too diplomatic for my liking. I feel like I'm trying to read between the lines to get at the horrible truth you're trying to hide from me. *cringes* *lifts veil to cover eyes* Yeah, yeah, yeah -- I've gotta take the plunge. Being myself is the best approach. But you can see that I really don't want to know how he feels if I'm the one who has to illicit a response. Still -- I have to do something or I'll be waiting around forever or in regret of never having said or done anything.

    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    LOL, you're probably right. I do sound like a snake, but I'd probably pick a less evil looking animal. A sloth perhaps? Or a snail? :P
    No. Stay with the snake. They're sexy! Sloths and snails are boring as hell. INFPs are stealth and cool and slick. Yeah, you're right. Not very INFP.

    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    Selection criteria of whether I like someone? God, that's a big question. I used to have criteria when I was much younger, but not so much anymore. I trust the chemistry - if it's strong and it just feels right I'll do it.
    That sounds kinda random. When you said, "that is, IF I like them" (or something like that) I thought that meant the person had to pass a test, that you have a list of qualities you're looking for: tall, blonde, blue eyes, intelligent, irreverant sense of humor, must like bookish men, etc). Now that you have no criteria and only some nebulous basis for selection - that is, chemistry, you just come across as arbitrarily elitist. I'm disappointed in you INFP. I expected great things from you.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    [COLOR="black"]

    I find that to be an interesting perspective. I've never considered being hurt by my imagination. I tend to get hurt by reality more than anything else (i.e. my own limitations, my life time on this planet, my inability to freely express myself, the fact that others don't care, the fact that I'm not really living the life I want - okay I'll stop because I'm getting depressed). It's the fantasy versus the harsh reality of existence. Nothing is seemingly as it is suppose to be yet if you practice mindfulness, everything is as it is suppose to be (?) I've been hurt so many times by reality that I prefer fantasy. Although I spend most of my time and thoughts in the real world.
    I think it's the fusion of imagination and reality. Specifically, idealizing people and having my ideal crash and burn when I see them for who they really are. That's what's devastating to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    [COLOR="black"]

    Do you know? You INFPs are a little too diplomatic for my liking. I feel like I'm trying to read between the lines to get at the horrible truth you're trying to hide from me. *cringes* *lifts veil to cover eyes* Yeah, yeah, yeah -- I've gotta take the plunge. Being myself is the best approach. But you can see that I really don't want to know how he feels if I'm the one who has to illicit a response. Still -- I have to do something or I'll be waiting around forever or in regret of never having said or done anything.
    LOL. There's no truth hiding in my end. Just trying to be as accurate and as helpful as possible with what I'm saying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post


    That sounds kinda random. When you said, "that is, IF I like them" (or something like that) I thought that meant the person had to pass a test, that you have a list of qualities you're looking for: tall, blonde, blue eyes, intelligent, irreverant sense of humor, must like bookish men, etc). Now that you have no criteria and only some nebulous basis for selection - that is, chemistry, you just come across as arbitrarily elitist. I'm disappointed in you INFP. I expected great things from you.
    LOL. Fair enough. Though arbitrary elitist wouldn't be the phrase I'd use. How about romantically cautious? And what you call "nebulous basis for selection," I call "divine suggestion." Also, when I said "IF" it was a more a matter of stating the obvious because why would I go through the trouble of being slow and subtle and stuff if I don't even like the girl? There is no test. Just going with the flow, feeling the chemistry, and trusting my instincts.

    Like my avatar, I'm just an Eeyore floating down the river.
    Last edited by SecondBest; 08-13-2010 at 03:30 AM. Reason: clarity

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Have any of you INFPs (or other NFs) ever had an INSTENSE eye gazing experience? What was it like? Was the fact that it was intense, significant to you?
    I did not / do not make a habbit of staring into people's eyes. I do not even like the thought of being rejected.

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Do you think that if the eye gazing was intense for one, it was also significant for the other?
    Propabilities, propabilities, propabilities. I'm not going to say yes or no. There are so many factors that must be taken into consideration.

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    What does eyegazing mean to you (INFPs)? Does it signify love, attraction, appreciation, longing? What is its specific meaning?
    In my mind, if I stare into a girl's eyes, it means that I'm trying to be a douchebag who thinks he can pick up girls just by staring into their eyes. If I stare into guy's eyes, it means that I'm trying to be a macho man, picking fights. So I don't make a habbit of staring into people's eyes, because I don't like the possibility of it being misinterpretated.

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Is it possible to fall in love with someone you don't really know?
    Now you're talking my language. And I'll just go right ahead and say it; Yes. I'm exceptionally good at "falling," crashing, and burning.

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Any advice about whether I should say something about the eye gazing or leave it alone?
    If that was me, I would want clarity. I can't stand hints. And if he likes you, and you ask, he wouldn't like you any less for asking. But haha, if you ask him the wrong way, and he thinks you'll reject him, he's going to lie to you by saying "No, no, if I stared into your eyes it doesn't mean a thing. I wouldn't think about ruining our friendship," and then he would smile on the outside, while killing himself slowly on the inside.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by angell_m View Post
    In my mind, if I stare into a girl's eyes, it means that I'm trying to be a douchebag who thinks he can pick up girls just by staring into their eyes. If I stare into guy's eyes, it means that I'm trying to be a macho man, picking fights. So I don't make a habbit of staring into people's eyes, because I don't like the possibility of it being misinterpretated.
    Yeah I see what you mean there. I've seen people who look into other people's eyes the way you're talking about, but I guess it'll all depends on who's doing it and who they're doing it to.

    I remember one guy who liked to use his eyes to communicate, someone I looked up to very much, but in the end, turned out to be someone very different than who I believed him to be. Once, he did it as a form of intimidation and defensiveness. Another time, I'm not sure what he was trying to say, but it creeped me out, so I turned away. So it's very much in how you do it, too, I think.

  7. #27
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    When I wrote that I wrote it was ment as "This is what staring into people's eyes would feel like if I did it," and "this is why I don't do it." I don't know if that came through or not. I used to have a different opinion about it in my earlier days but today I fear confrontation too much to look into someones eyes for more than two-three seconds.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by angell_m View Post
    When I wrote that I wrote it was ment as "This is what staring into people's eyes would feel like if I did it," and "this is why I don't do it." I don't know if that came through or not. I used to have a different opinion about it in my earlier days but today I fear confrontation too much to look into someones eyes for more than two-three seconds.
    Oops. I totally misread that. Sorry.

    Yeah, actually, on thinking it through further, I agree with you on NOT doing it with people in general. I don't and haven't actually done it ever with the exception of my ex. It would only be something I'd do with someone I truly care about. And you're right, it almost always comes across as being confrontational or it's just plain awkward.

  9. #29
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    Yeah I feel like a total sleezeball if I stare.

  10. #30
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    It's like those animals hit by a stun gun - LOL. "I'm captured -- now what do I do? Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. "
    ATTACK!

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    It's funny - last time I saw him, all I could think to say (but of course I didn't) was "kiss me you fool!" idk - I heard it in a movie somewhere. It sounds romantic to me. I don't suppose an INFP male would take that line very well.
    Actually I think the average INFP male would be delighted to hear those words from a woman he's into.

    Quote Originally Posted by Onceajoan View Post
    Thank you JivinJeffJones. I've seen you around different forums. I'm glad you responded to this one. You always give such wise and practical advice.
    Thanks. And you're welcome. Always happy to help out an INFP brother. Though unless you're referring to different forums within this one then someone's been pinching my name! :steam:

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