[Fe] Fe communication in groups

[sculpting]

So I have been working as of late to try and incorporate the Fe communicative modes into my speech when I interact with Fe users.

All the stuff the INFJs and peacebaby taught us in the INFJ common issues thread. This works really well one on one with Fe users, as the listening, questioning, listening flows very naturally.

However today I ended up in a convo with a very Te ESTJ and an very Fe ISFJ... It involved a work issue, thus required some amount of technical discussion.

I found myself alternating between talking to each even though they were side by side, and flipping from my natural direct Te style to a active listening, questioning Fe mode in the same convo...It worked but was very odd and I found it hard to get the Te points directly across in way the ESTJ needed without being too direct and dominating the ISFJ.

How do Fe users (or anyone else) adapt to the different people in an group dialougue/meeting when the individuals have very, very different communication styles?

 

[Fidelia]

I try to avoid group meetings. I hate them and we usually don't get anything done in a way that is very satisfactory to any of the people involved. I do find though that it helps if you are the leading to talk one on one with people in advance and after so that you have an idea of where everyone stands and where potential landmines are. That way, you can have given some thought to what might work and then focus your efforts on communicating that in a manner that works for more people during the actual meeting.

 

[cascadeco]

I found myself alternating between talking to each even though they were side by side, and flipping from my natural direct Te style to a active listening, questioning Fe mode in the same convo...It worked but was very odd and I found it hard to get the Te points directly across in way the ESTJ needed without being too direct and dominating the ISFJ.

How do Fe users (or anyone else) adapt to the different people in an group dialougue/meeting when the individuals have very, very different communication styles?

Hmmm.. to be honest, if I were you in the example you just gave (ESTJ with ISFJ in same convo), I don't know that I worry about being too direct to the ISFJ or not direct enough to the ESTJ. Let me see if I can explain how I would do it, and how I do do it in group settings/meetings. I have what I'd say my natural 'default' language, in which I'm explaining my pov to others. I don't know that, when I'm explaining things in a large group setting, I cater to any particular person in the group. I'll say this is neutral: me just explaining my thought/opinion to the best of my ability, being as generally diplomatic as possible in conveying my message. If I then need to address specific people in the group, or specific people ask me a question, I will then cater my message more specifically to that particular individual and what I know about their personality - what I know about the 'language' they speak.

I'm just thinking of my past job - group of systems testers. We all performed basically the same task, but we were: INFJ, INFJ, ISFJ, ISTP, ISFP, ISFP, ISTJ, ESFJ, ESFJ, INTJ. I'd talk/joke with the INTJ in a way I knew she best responded, when I needed to work with her, and we got along excellently. Talked very differently to the ISFJ. The ISFJ had real problems with the INTJ, until I explained 1:1 to the ISFJ how the INTJ 'operates' and then she took the INTJ less personally. And, when we were all in the same meeting, the ISFJ didn't particularly care if I was more abrupt/frank with the INTJ, vs. more 'soft' with her.

I kind of like group meetings in a corporate setting. They amuse me. I'm mostly quiet throughout, but have no issue speaking up when it's necessary, and I'll approach it as I described above -- 'neutral'/all-encompassing, vs. more 1:1, in the group, as needed. I guess I don't find any discomfort/weirdness with adjusting method of communicating on the fly, and it also doesn't occur to me that in a group setting others might note the different modes....actually I think they do, but it's seen as a positive thing... my ISFP supervisor always cited that as a key strength of mine.