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Thread: Moving In

  1. #11
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by htb View Post
    Ditto INTJMom. Get married or stay separate. Fish or cut bait.

    ...Kids.
    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    If you're thinking about marriage, you might NOT want to do it because the statistics show that marriages are more likely to end in divorce for couples who live together first.
    I've heard this, but I don't really buy it. My parents agree with you, though.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  2. #12
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    If you're thinking about marriage, you might NOT want to do it because the statistics show that marriages are more likely to end in divorce for couples who live together first.
    Quote Originally Posted by Eileen View Post
    I've heard this, but I don't really buy it. My parents agree with you, though.
    No need to worry (about that, anyway). From the thread To wait or not to wait?:

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    OTOH, last stats I saw, people who live together before getting married have a higher divorce rate than those who do not. That's just for the US, though, AFAIK.
    Quote Originally Posted by Economica View Post
    Do you have a source for those stats?
    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    The CDC.
    Quote Originally Posted by ptgatsby View Post
    This is technically true.

    However, divorce rates are actually lower once you adjust for dominant behavioural factors. IOW, those that live together are already more likely to get divorced, however they are less likely if they live together first. Those that are unlikely to get divorced are more likely to get married before living together.
    Quote Originally Posted by Economica View Post
    I just looked up the CDC stats and like pt says, it is technically true (see the table on page 64) but they have not corrected for multicollinearity as far as I can see. Cohabitation does not have to cause divorce; it could be that cohabitation is negatively correlated with "importance of religion", say, or income, both of which make divorce less likely. (I.e. the religious and the wealthy tend not to cohabitate and to not get divorced, which makes cohabitation correlate with divorce.)

    A little statistics is a dangerous thing. (<-- General rant of mine.)

  3. #13
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eileen View Post
    And we'll find a place that is neutral ground (I don't want to move in to HIS space; we're finally getting over our weird power dynamics). I think it'll be great when we do it - but it's really, really scary. I don't know if it's normal to be terrified or if I'm also layering on this memory of how my ex was unhappy because he loved me enough to follow me somewhere. The thought of totally changing my life for a man is really terrifying.

    So, as usual with me, ambivalence rules. I WANT this, but it's just scary. Talk me off the ledge.
    Sounds kinda scary. I personally wouldn't do it unless I felt like we had really really great communication and a secure attachment to one another, such that I could do my thing and she could do hers, and neither would feel jealous or anxious that we would be abandoned. Given your power-dynamic issues, I'd say there's still some things to take care over before you commit to moving in, which can amplify those issues.

  4. #14
    Senior Member NoahFence's Avatar
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    I'll not try to describe tomorrow's sunset for you, and settle for 'grats and g'luck instead.

    Also, FYI, everything in the Triangle is equidistant from everything else. I'm not sure how this works, exactly, but everything outside your own neighborhood is 1/2 hour away. Distance is irrelevant here. I think one of the tech start-ups out in RTP let some "fabric of space" experiment get out of hand.

    We're actually outside the Triangle (elliptical orbit) so it takes us 45 minutes to get anywhere.
    "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo

  5. #15
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Sounds kinda scary. I personally wouldn't do it unless I felt like we had really really great communication and a secure attachment to one another, such that I could do my thing and she could do hers, and neither would feel jealous or anxious that we would be abandoned. Given your power-dynamic issues, I'd say there's still some things to take care over before you commit to moving in, which can amplify those issues.
    Well, what you describe (the anxiety) is not at all the same thing as power dynamic that I referred to, which, as I pointed out, we're moving past.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    Gah! Jesus Christ, I wish this thread would stop getting bumped.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  7. #17
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    But it's such a fun and hot topic to post on!
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  8. #18
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Moved discussion posts here, and this thread from Relationships.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

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