[NF] The Differences Between INFP's and INFJ's

[OrangeAppled]

When he and I discussed this (we're great at really long discussions), he said that NFPs are so aware of other people's emotions that they have to give advice in order to fix the other people so that the NFP can relax. Which means that, if you're a caring FJ on the receiving end of this, you have to pretend to be "fixed" so that the NFP can relax.

I don't relate to this in the slightest. I don't see NFPs as being sooo aware of other people's emotions....I see that as more of an NFJ thing or Fe in general. I'm aware of my OWN feelings and emotions, and by extension I am aware that other people feel differently from me, and so I respect that. Quite honestly, your husband sounds like an ISFJ from this description.....that's something my mom would say, who also doles out advice to "fix" a situation because it upsets her to see people upset.

 

[KDude]

^You make me think I'm Fe, OA. I'm hyperaware of other people's emotions, but sometimes I'm so sick of it that I want to focus on myself. But I'm starting to think that's second nature.

I even care what people will think of this post I mean, it's there a little bit everywhere, in everything. For better or worse.

 

[mochajava]

The pushier the advice, the more it bothers me. Mild advice, tossed out with a "try this if you want" attitude, doesn't bother me.

I'm with you here. "Try this if you want" implies accepting you as you are and not needing you to change.

 

[OrangeAppled]

^You make me think I'm Fe, OA. I'm hyperaware of other people's emotions, but sometimes I'm so sick of it that I want to focus on myself. But I'm starting to think that's second nature.

I even care what people will think of this post I mean, it's there a little bit everywhere, in everything. For better or worse.

I wouldn't say all Fi people feel as I do, and I wouldn't say I don't care what people think at all (people who say that are in denial, IMO), or that I never pick up on emotional vibes (I certainly can be uncomfortable in a tense situation, and I'm probably bothered a lot more than the average INTx ).

What is your enneagram instinctual subtype? I'm sp/sx, and the sp primary has a way of making you very absorbed in your inner world and detached from other people. It's something like a defense mechanism.
SO being last makes me a bit unaware of how I come across to others also. Add to that, I am already an introvert and a 4w5 and I can be pretty oblivious to others emotions, especially if I choose to be....

 

[KDude]

SX now that I think about it. I'm more comfortable connecting/initiating one-to-one, I think. In that sense, sometimes I think I'm just as involved as extroverts. Go figure =) That said, anything too group oriented is not exactly my style..work-wise, or relating to various social circles. Even though I want to do things for/with a group sometimes, I'm not putting myself out there like an extrovert (unless I'm impatient or frustrated, but that's another story). edit: Not sure now.. from reading descriptions, SO sounds closer to me.

 

[musicnerd93]

I'm not sure if this is true but, I read somewhere that if you insult or offend an INF:

INFJ's tend to be a little more confrontational and argumentative.

Whereas, INFP's, if you insult or offend them, we basically just go silent and/or write a nasty blog post to help us vent.


I think this is true with myself. I would love to be more confrontational when people insult me, but I just can't. I'm too soft. Or when people pick on my friends, I never have the courage tell them off, instead I just sort of glare at them, and then comfort my friend...

 

[mochajava]

Wait, wait, wait, I thought that INFJs were un-confrontational and avoided arguments? I can say that's what I've observed from my INFJ (females) friends, and from myself. Vicky Jo's humongous INFJ website also details this process of "shutting down" in the instance of big arguments or unbearable confrontation.

I'm trying to talk back more, but don't know the right way to do it, or a way that I'm comfortable with calling people out on their bullshit. As a result, I sort of take it. Any non-NF would probably say "it's your own fault", and to some extent, they would be right.

 

[Rebe]

I wouldn't say all Fi people feel as I do, and I wouldn't say I don't care what people think at all (people who say that are in denial, IMO), or that I never pick up on emotional vibes (I certainly can be uncomfortable in a tense situation, and I'm probably bothered a lot more than the average INTx ).

What is your enneagram instinctual subtype? I'm sp/sx, and the sp primary has a way of making you very absorbed in your inner world and detached from other people. It's something like a defense mechanism.
SO being last makes me a bit unaware of how I come across to others also. Add to that, I am already an introvert and a 4w5 and I can be pretty oblivious to others emotions, especially if I choose to be....

I agree. I was just about to say OA's sp has a lot to do with it. I am hyper aware of emotions and how I come across all the time, all the freaking time. I am so and how I come across and how I fit in, what I do, can do is all that I care about. I misread/misinterpret people's expressions because apparently just because they are not smiling/joking with me doesn't mean they are mad at me/I did something wrong. It's a curse for me. I esp. enjoy doing my part in social interactions, making people laugh, saying the right things.

 

[KDude]

Wait, wait, wait, I thought that INFJs were un-confrontational and avoided arguments? I can say that's what I've observed from my INFJ (females) friends, and from myself. Vicky Jo's humongous INFJ website also details this process of "shutting down" in the instance of big arguments or unbearable confrontation.

I'm trying to talk back more, but don't know the right way to do it, or a way that I'm comfortable with calling people out on their bullshit. As a result, I sort of take it. Any non-NF would probably say "it's your own fault", and to some extent, they would be right.

When it comes to introverts, I'm just confused on the whole confrontational thing.. or even general expressiveness. Ever since I've registered at this site, I've wanted to get to the bottom of it, because I think it's important.. assertiveness. Even ISFPs would just say "I go with the flow" a lot, so it's not just an N thing. And when I say I've been confrontational, someone wants to type me as ESTJ I'm not. I just don't want people to get away with some things.. what's the point of having F or ideals if you let people who don't have them control everything? :\ If you saw some nasty kids about to throw a cat into a backyard with a pitbull, what would you do? Blog about it? I don't think so. You guys are more confrontational than you probably think

Most people would call Johnny an INFP

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxCaOzmV0LE].[/youtube]

The coolest INFP of all:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79foHV8ctMc&feature=related].[/youtube]

I would find inspiration even in the insane ones

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcX0VY-kXYw].[/youtube]

 

[OrangeAppled]

I'm not sure if this is true but, I read somewhere that if you insult or offend an INF:

INFJ's tend to be a little more confrontational and argumentative.

Whereas, INFP's, if you insult or offend them, we basically just go silent and/or write a nasty blog post to help us vent.


I think this is true with myself. I would love to be more confrontational when people insult me, but I just can't. I'm too soft. Or when people pick on my friends, I never have the courage tell them off, instead I just sort of glare at them, and then comfort my friend...

I can do either, depending on what button they've pushed or haven't pushed.

When it comes to introverts, I'm just confused on the whole confrontational thing.. or even general expressiveness. Ever since I've registered at this site, I've wanted to get to the bottom of it, because I think it's important.. assertiveness. Even ISFPs would just say "I go with the flow" a lot, so it's not just an N thing. And when I say I've been confrontational, someone wants to type me as ESTJ I'm not. I just don't want people to get away with some things.. what's the point of having F or ideals if you let people who don't have them control everything? :\ If you saw some nasty kids about to throw a cat into a backyard with a pitbull, what would you do? Blog about it? I don't think so. You guys are more confrontational than you probably think

There is a huge caveat to the non-confrontational demeanor of the Fi-dom, and it is often overlooked. It is usually expressed as being the exception to the Fi-dom's usual way, but the more frustrated a Fi-dom is with life, the more you see that side.

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause.

This makes them open-minded, flexible, and adaptable - until one of the things they value most deeply seems in danger: Then they stop adapting.

Some of this is not directly confrontational, but it can be seen as a general argumentative attitude by others. People might see this as "passive-aggressive", but I think it's just inline with the informing style of the IxFP. Of course, under stress, you see the inferior Te of the Fi-dom, which is critical and terse, and can be overly direct.

Such people may also resist with extreme obstinacy anything that does not accord with their sentiments.

....and when, in a state of high emotional excitement, they stand up for a threatened ideal

In childhood they are gentle and dreamy, and somewhat reserved, but with occasional violent outbursts of emotion.

they are likely to exhibit violent resentment if circumstances do not correspond to their feelings

Although in these persons the will, under the direction of strong moral conviction, represents an important factor in the psyche, it is less evident than in the other rational types, owing to the fact that the controlling activity is directed more inwards, and will occasionally come quite unexpectedly to light.

their continual comparison of things with ideal requirements gives them an exaggeratedly critical point of view

When I choose to not hit someone back when they deserve it, it is often for one of two reasons:
1. I've decided to be the "bigger person", as it's actually much harder to swallow an insult than to lash out at the offender.
2. I need time to process my reaction....as this explains:

Outwardly, their feelings are not very obvious, for when these are affected, these people tend to withdraw into themselves, and if they do express anything, it will only be much later, after they have had time to work it all over within themselves.

That has actually worked as a good defense mechanism, as people who make insults usually are trying to get under your skin, and a non-reaction leaves them thinking they failed.

 

[KDude]

There is a huge caveat to the non-confrontational demeanor of the Fi-dom, and it is often overlooked.

Thanks.. yeah.. I think it depends if it's a violation on some higher ideal/Fi level. Or even just dignity, like Johnny mentions.

 

[musicnerd93]

I can do either, depending on what button they've pushed or haven't pushed.

Also, depending on how well I know them. If I hardly know them, I'm not likely to get worked up, but if I know them well, I'm known to say or do a few things that I'll later regret.