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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    Generally accepting yet a little distant when relating to others
    I can relate.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    Have a tendency to disappear without warning socially, even from friends
    I can relate.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    Extremely flexible, until you hit something of importance, then watch it!
    I can relate.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    Tend to not initiate social activities
    I can relate.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    With someone in a crisis, good at just being there for that person and accepting them
    I wouldn't know if I was more or less accepting than others. But I try to be as accepting as I can. Why reject them?
    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    Tend toward very limited self-disclosure, and are cautious about expressing judgments
    I can relate.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    May have a negative reaction to unsolicited advice
    I can relate. Very. <-- And this can be negative.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    Tend to be a target for the projections of others, since may not express a lot of emotion and opinions in public
    I can relate, somewhat, I suppose. It just makes me think EVERYONE in the world is a bunch of prejudice judgemental morons really.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    Tend to generally be aware of their own emotional state
    I can relate.
    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    Tend to adopt relatively few import beliefs and causes, and stick with them (although not necessarily be effective about acting on them)
    I probably do. But I adopt character traits more often, of people I find intruiging (somewhat).
    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    More rigid about beliefs and judgments internally
    I can relate. Very. I can sometimes say the most profound #@%&! to myself, and I can sometimes go as far as burst it out anyonymously online.

  2. #12
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    These are not particularly profound insights, but I'd say INFPs are likely to seem vaguer and more timid. Even when talking about their passions they're likely to seem a bit more hesitant and shy. They're also more likely to be late or not answer text messages I have a good friend who I've known for about a year and who I've become closer to just over the last few months, who I'm pretty sure is either INFP or ISFP, so I've been thinking about this.

    INFJs are probably more likely to seem tense and are more likely to express vehement opinions if they feel comfortable enough or if someone manages to push their buttons. They will definitely get uptight if someone keeps them waiting and doesn't also keep them informed about their whereabouts and how soon they'll arrive
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  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post

    INFPs:
    • Generally accepting yet a little distant when relating to others
    • Have a tendency to disappear without warning socially, even from friends
    • Extremely flexible, until you hit something of importance, then watch it!
    • Tend to not initiate social activities
    • With someone in a crisis, good at just being there for that person and accepting them
    • Tend toward very limited self-disclosure, and are cautious about expressing judgments
    • May have a negative reaction to unsolicited advice
    • Tend to be a target for the projections of others, since may not express a lot of emotion and opinions in public
    • Tend to generally be aware of their own emotional state
    • Tend to adopt relatively few import beliefs and causes, and stick with them (although not necessarily be effective about acting on them)
    • More rigid about beliefs and judgments internally


    INFJs:
    • More externally judging
    • Can come of as harsh or critical, even though they are warm internally and mean well
    • Tend to give advice (often can't resist, if they think it will help someone)
    • Believe more in stages or levels of relationship, with attendant responsibilities
    • With someone in a crisis, good at understanding and making suggestions for how the situation can be improved
    • May get impatient when friends wallow or act helpless in negative situations, since the INFJs can see how the situation could be fixed or improved
    • Tend toward greater self disclosure, and don't mind expressing judgments
    • May polarize others, since opinions and enthusiasms are often expressed
    • Better at getting things done externally. May wage quiet campaigns in organizations, gently but relentlessly pushing and nudging for that they believe in.
    • May occasionally be unaware of their own emotional state. May be surprised when others say (correctly) they were angry in a situation.
    • Tend to adopt beliefs and causes, yet remain open to changing them over time. Over time, this may lead to a large collection of beliefs and causes, or a serial exploration of them.
    • More flexible about beliefs and judgements internally, while sounding more absolute externally.


    It's exactly the differences I find between my INFP friend and me...

  4. #14
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebe View Post
    Based on the posts above - I relate more to the INFJ than INFP. I take social cues and do a lot of laughing when appropriate/natural even with complete strangers. Sometimes I exaggerate my facial expressions/tones to 'connect' with the other person and give detached sympathy/support. I totally thought I was INFJ for a while. But it may just be that I am developing more Fe.
    Yeah some of that INFJ stuff I relate to but I figure its because, like you, I'm a so/sp, which can seem a little like Fe at times. I think the difference is that INFJs genuinely feel a social connection when they are doing the sorts of things you mentioned, where for us (if you are like me) its more... feigned (?), perhaps... as an act of politeness. I totally do it for the sake of the other person because I know I don't react 'as I should' in conversation, which can seem rude.

    Plus, I'm very openly opinionated where other INFPs tend to hold back - so there some ways in which I also don't fit the mold.
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    - Emily Bronte

  5. #15
    Senior Member sulfit's Avatar
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    INFPs generally appear warmer than INFJs and I would say this makes them look more approacheable to other people. INFJ's basic instinct is to give advice/orders rather than give sympathy/consolation to whoever comes to us with their life's problems. It actually takes communication skill to be able to give good advice to people while not appearing to them to bea pushy, arrogant know-better-than-you. Thus INFPs tend to look more open for friendships and give off a sense of being more sociable and balanced, warm in and out. Quite a few INFJs tend to stuggle with the above issue early in life and I know from INFJ subforum on other forums there have been many a thread posted on this subject. I think with life experience some do develop the skill to relay their message in more diplomatic manner without hurting anyone's feelings or lowering their sense of worth, but there are some INFJs who continue giving off that very pushy demeanor (example is Vicky Jo).

  6. #16
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seymour View Post
    Interesting. I'm a fairly "active" listener when talking to people, but I think it has a different from an FJ doing the same thing. Still, I definitely agree it's a social skill that can be learned.

    I also find the advice thing to be interesting... what kind of interpersonal advice do you give? I think that INFPs often avoid direct advice (unless someone is doing something that really goes against their values) and spend more time trying to tease out the decision the other person has really already made (on some level). Often we end up telling people to listen to their feelings and values. I think that's why we are sometimes described as "harmonizing clarifiers" (even though that phrase makes me roll my eyes).

    Of course, it's different if giving advice about something technical and something outside the interpersonal/values realm. So what kind of advice do you end up giving?


    The sometimes being unaware of your emotional state is also interesting. For me, my emotional state is like a barometer or sensor that I use to orient myself throughout my day. When it changes, I'm usually aware of it and its additional feedback in a situation. Emotions often represent a whole series of subconscious value judgments; while they may not be correct, they usually aren't meaning-free. When I'm ill, I usually find it throws me off track, because I have to keep ascribing the exhausted/depressed to the right source... it's like my internal compass is out of whack.

    In what situations do you find yourself unaware of your emotional state? I do find if I'm around others it can be hard to know exactly how much your emotions are being affected by the emotional state of others.

    As far as the last item (more flexible internally, less externally)... I think the only way that's true for me is I'll often resist changing my mind in the moment because I want a chance to mull over new data by myself. Still, even though I'm reasonably laid back externally, I'm far more stubborn and judgmental than I come across.

    I could totally be off base on some of items, although I tried to draw mostly from what INFPs and INFJs have said about themselves (or one another). If other INFPs find themselves identifying with a lot of the INFJ items, then I need to update accordingly.

    Still, any list that includes external behaviors isn't going to work for everyone, since the types are about mental perspectives and preferences.
    I thought your list was great! I also really relate to this....I will give advice, but it's more like I want to gently lead someone to their own answer. And my emotions are something like internal signals also. Internally I can feel so moody, but unless someone pushes me at the wrong moment, then I generally come off as very calm. Only my family knows my temperamental side.

    And I have really strong opinions that can surprise people, but few will ever hear them. I don't like to "devalue" other people's views by stomping over them with my own, although if it's really important to me than I can be quite forceful in my expression.

    Quote Originally Posted by sulfit View Post
    INFPs generally appear warmer than INFJs and I would say this makes them look more approacheable to other people.
    Hm, I find the exact opposite with myself and INFJs. Sometimes I think this has more to do with level of introversion and also your individual appearance. I get told I am aloof & intimidating with my quiet demeanor, and anyone I know would laugh to hear me called me "warm". People don't see me as sweet until they get to know me.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #17
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Hm, I find the exact opposite with myself and INFJs. Sometimes I think this has more to do with level of introversion and also your individual appearance. I get told I am aloof & intimidating with my quiet demeanor, and anyone I know would laugh to hear me called me "warm". People don't see me as sweet until they get to know me.
    Perhaps the sp instinct has something to do with this since I am certainly 'cold' to casual observers.
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

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  8. #18
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by William K View Post
    Perhaps the sp instinct has something to do with this since I am certainly 'cold' to casual observers.
    Good point....I think a 4w5 sp INFP is particularly withdrawn....possibly the most "prickly" INFP combo also. It's not my natural way to display warmth & friendliness, as it drains me.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #19
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Seymour: The sometimes being unaware of your emotional state is also interesting. For me, my emotional state is like a barometer or sensor that I use to orient myself throughout my day. When it changes, I'm usually aware of it and its additional feedback in a situation. Emotions often represent a whole series of subconscious value judgments; while they may not be correct, they usually aren't meaning-free. When I'm ill, I usually find it throws me off track, because I have to keep ascribing the exhausted/depressed to the right source... it's like my internal compass is out of whack.

    In what situations do you find yourself unaware of your emotional state? I do find if I'm around others it can be hard to know exactly how much your emotions are being affected by the emotional state of others.
    When I'm rushed, frantic, or harried I'm unaware of any underlying emotional states. Or when I'm very excited and happy (you know, rainbows shooting out of the eyes). I think part of me avoids feeling all the emotional states, because well, naturally I'm a bit of a downer. I also avoid exposing other people to them. I don't think this has to do much with being an INFJ, beyond the being unaware piece. The rest is probably a learned response to my environment (nobody likes a sad/crabby person!)

    INFJ's basic instinct is to give advice/orders rather than give sympathy/consolation to whoever comes to us with their life's problems.
    Wait, what? I feel like I always get burned for giving too much sympathy... people mistake it for pity? The "do unto others" thing is so complicated when you put it through the MBTI lens.

    @sulfit - can you direct me to some forums abount INFJs and socializing/connecting that you mentioned?

    OrangeAppled: I will give advice, but it's more like I want to gently lead someone to their own answer. And my emotions are something like internal signals also. Internally I can feel so moody, but unless someone pushes me at the wrong moment, then I generally come off as very calm. Only my family knows my temperamental side.
    All this sounds very right to me -- perhaps some INFP INFJ similarities?

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Good point....I think a 4w5 sp INFP is particularly withdrawn....possibly the most "prickly" INFP combo also. It's not my natural way to display warmth & friendliness, as it drains me.
    Actually, displaying emotions drains me. Doesn't have to be warmth and friendliness. It'll bounce back however. Back to not being drained.

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