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  1. #31
    No Cigar Litvyak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    Also, as pretty selfish as far as the "scanned" objects of desire are concerned. They help keep things fresh and exciting, in the primary relationship but what are they getting out of the deal exactly?
    If you make a deal with someone, is it a moral imperative for you to find the exact reason why your partner has invested in the transaction?
    If you made sure that the conditions are clear right at the start, it is safe to assume that both parties are driven by mutual interest and both of them profit from the deal. Why else would they engage in it in the first place? You're only responsible if you've failed to inform your partner of the terms of agreement.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
    If I settle it'd better be for money. :P I'm only half joking with that, the only way I'd "settle" is if it were something that I needed really badly. And I'm not talking romantically, either: I'm thinking a business partnership. I'm not a romantic person, I find it suffocating therefore, relationships don't do the things I need them to do for me. Of course, I'm 22 and self centered or something like that.
    It's still pretty strange for an ENFP

  2. #32
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    I've known ENFPs who were flighty and I've known ones who were not only completely faithful, but completely loyal. Any type can and does cheat, it comes down to personal morality, which has nothing to do with type, IMO.
    True. I made this thread not based on personal observation really, but I've seen commonalities in the few articles I've read on ENFPs and how they view their relationships. I wanted to hear from the ENFPs how they feel about the stereotype to better understand if it's a legitimate conflict that they find them self struggling with, or not so much.

    Also, it's not like this descriptor is labeling the ENFP as a cheater or a whore, because that's all a matter of ethics, character and morality (like you stated). That issue is not type related, but individually and through the whole spectrum of type/personality. IMO, this is not a matter of questioning their loyalty or faithfulness; but whether in their fidelity, they're still prone to battling with feelings of discontent and believing that there might be someone better suited for them out there (Again, not that they'll act on this thought or that it will manifest itself in the external world). It seems MOST of the ENFPs here have said that being happy in a long-term relationship has really not been an issue... The "portraits" out there of the ENFP type all have this listed as a problem area for ENFPs in their relationships though. So it seems this must be a matter of maturity level.

  3. #33
    Senior Member MafiaAngel180's Avatar
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    Oooh I wanted to also add something else, when I'm in a good relationship and in love, it makes me feel totally and utterly free. I don't have that trapped feeling. It's like love is a safety net that allows me to explore life. And I don't mean explore other men. Because that would just take my safety net away now wouldn't it? Hehe.

  4. #34
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vamp View Post
    If I settle it'd better be for money. :P I'm only half joking with that, the only way I'd "settle" is if it were something that I needed really badly. And I'm not talking romantically, either: I'm thinking a business partnership. I'm not a romantic person, I find it suffocating therefore, relationships don't do the things I need them to do for me. Of course, I'm 22 and self centered or something like that.
    lol...

  5. #35
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    Actually I'd like to be married. I would have married my ex, who I was with for five years, had there not been SERIOUS issues that could not be overcome. I'm pretty sure I could settle. It would just have to be with the right person, that's all.

    When I was younger? No way. I wasn't the way I am now until I was about 25 or so.

  6. #36
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by angell_m View Post
    I just felt like teasing you a bit on this one part..

    (You never said this, but this is what I can make out of it if I want
    to. So please just go with the flow, at least for a little while).


    1. You need to know that your SO will never leave you, or else
      the relationship will not work out.
    2. You can blatantly say that the possibility of you leaving him
      is there, and he has to accept that or else the relationship
      will not work out.

    The same scenario can be seen in a very protective ENFP woman
    who freaks out whenever other women speaks with her partner,
    and her freakouts has to be accepted by him or else the relationship
    will not work out. The ENFP woman, however (who in this case is
    very protective), needs to have a large variety of friends, some of
    whom are men. And her partner has to accept that, or else the
    relationship will not work out.

    It's like bus tickets; when you're 14 years old you have to pay for
    an adult ticket, however, you're not adult enough to buy cigarettes
    and alcohol. So you're an adult, yet not adult enough to be labeled
    as an adult at some adult areas of adulthood...

    Double standard?

    Moahaha

    But anyway, like I wrote above, you never said 'that'. This is just
    what I happened to see as an "alternate" post, or something.
    Grin. You're quite right
    I'm very much aware of that double standard and working on it. I admire his resolve very much. He's never looked back, as far as I know. Ni-doms...gotto love that about them. They just *know*. Let me be clear though, I do not *expect* this from him. At all. I'm happy he is this way, and I do feel sad I cannot return that, but I would never demand something from him that I myself cannot provide. I am working on returning the favor, though.

    The thing is that something snapped in me after my first relationship. My first took advantage of the faith and love I gave him, and afterwards I felt foolish and arrogant for ever assuming that we'd have a life together. To take that for granted, you could say. I did completely commit to him, in every way possible..and it left me blind to what he was doing.. That's where the 'Never say never' comes from. I swore never to fully rely on someone ever again, never to assume that they'd keep their promise as I didn't think I'd be able to rebuild a second time the way I had to after that first relationship. That's why part of me always reminds me that tomorrow..things could change, his feelings for me could change, life could take us in different ways, etc etc. I know it's unlikely, like 99% against, but I don't wanna take the chance and become blindsighted. It's a fear of mine. And one that I find very hard to overcome.


    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    It does strike me that way too.
    Also, as pretty selfish as far as the "scanned" objects of desire are concerned. They help keep things fresh and exciting, in the primary relationship but what are they getting out of the deal exactly? I dunno. I can't relate at all. If I'm into someone they are all I can see and all I ever want to see. I have very little left over for anyone else. Most INTPs seem to be this way. Maybe it's unbalanced?
    Lol..the scanned objects, really? They're just people I meet, and find fascinating. Often, they become good friends, or at least people I've shared a special bond with. I'm also completely honest with them from the get go. They know I'm taken, and I make it very clear to anyone, male or female, that I befriend, what I want out of the friendship and make it my business to know what they want. Then we find a win-win situation for both. If they're not comfortable with the raw emotion I like to put in all my relationships (platonic, friendship or otherwise), I'll dial it down. If they enjoy it, even better. It doesn't really matter. Everyone is different, and unique, making them fascinating
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  7. #37
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Litvyak View Post
    If you make a deal with someone, is it a moral imperative for you to find the exact reason why your partner has invested in the transaction?
    If you made sure that the conditions are clear right at the start, it is safe to assume that both parties are driven by mutual interest and both of them profit from the deal. Why else would they engage in it in the first place? You're only responsible if you've failed to inform your partner of the terms of agreement.
    In a business transaction, perhaps. In matters of the heart? No. It's careless. People don't invest their emotions with the belief that nothing will come of it, no matter what the "terms of the agreement". They live in hope, and it's cruel and dishonest and entirely self-serving to create hope when you have absolutely no intention of delivering.

    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    The thing is that something snapped in me after my first relationship. My first took advantage of the faith and love I gave him, and afterwards I felt foolish and arrogant for ever assuming that we'd have a life together. To take that for granted, you could say. I did completely commit to him, in every way possible..and it left me blind to what he was doing.. That's where the 'Never say never' comes from. I swore never to fully rely on someone ever again, never to assume that they'd keep their promise as I didn't think I'd be able to rebuild a second time the way I had to after that first relationship. That's why part of me always reminds me that tomorrow..things could change, his feelings for me could change, life could take us in different ways, etc etc. I know it's unlikely, like 99% against, but I don't wanna take the chance and become blindsighted. It's a fear of mine. And one that I find very hard to overcome.
    So then, it's not actually in your nature, but in your baggage. Nothing to do with being ENFP, but essentially an inability to trust your partner completely, because of what someone else did to you. So now you feel you have to keep your options open, you have to remain alert and watch out for your own interests. You can't allow yourself to trust them to someone else. It's understandable, but as long as you are holding back like that, scanning the horizon, I don't see how you could ever find your relationship completely satisfying (you keep feeding your discontent) or how your partner could ever feel safe and secure. Although, perhaps that element of uncertainty is what has kept things fresh for you all this time...
    As you say, we're all different.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Grin. You're quite right
    I'm very much aware of that double standard and working on it. I admire his resolve very much. He's never looked back, as far as I know. Ni-doms...gotto love that about them. They just *know*. Let me be clear though, I do not *expect* this from him. At all. I'm happy he is this way, and I do feel sad I cannot return that, but I would never demand something from him that I myself cannot provide. I am working on returning the favor, though.

    The thing is that something snapped in me after my first relationship. My first took advantage of the faith and love I gave him, and afterwards I felt foolish and arrogant for ever assuming that we'd have a life together. To take that for granted, you could say. I did completely commit to him, in every way possible..and it left me blind to what he was doing.. That's where the 'Never say never' comes from. I swore never to fully rely on someone ever again, never to assume that they'd keep their promise as I didn't think I'd be able to rebuild a second time the way I had to after that first relationship. That's why part of me always reminds me that tomorrow..things could change, his feelings for me could change, life could take us in different ways, etc etc. I know it's unlikely, like 99% against, but I don't wanna take the chance and become blindsighted. It's a fear of mine. And one that I find very hard to overcome.
    Oh, the possibility of me leaving is there too, but it's not something I'd wish to say. In fact, I would probably never say it. The possibility of me leaving is very, very small, I'm talking; stabbing me with a knife or pushing me off a flight of stairs on purpose, or worse, cheat on me. Yeah, I do consider cheating worse than trying to kill me. I've never cheated, and I've never been cheated on, to my surprise, I've never had to experience that, but I still fear the possibility of them leaving me, whatever their reason might be. It's like one of those songs I like; "If you just walked away. What could I really say? Would it matter anyway?"

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