User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 38

  1. #21
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,658

    Default

    Despite my rep here, I've been happy and faithful to my INTJ for over 10 years. When I met him, I knew I'd be hardpressed to ever find someone who'd love me and accept me as unconditionally as he does. And he is the *only* stable thing in my life, something I very much treasure as it provides shelter from the chaos that is my life at times.

    I will admit, as I am very much driven to connecting with people, that the intensity rush you get from meeting someone new,and it clicks really well, is...tempting. But I've yet to meet another man who can give me what he does and it becomes harder every year as we've build up a beautiful life together, and a very strong and sound relationship. And I would never be able to live with myself if I hurt him in any way. Though I've met other men that can make my heart beat faster for a while, and I enjoy that feeling, I recognize it for what it is: a fleeting feeling, in no way able to compete with the feelings I continuously have for him

    So, the answer to your question is 'yes', imo.

    The answer to the question: 'will she ever stop scanning the horizon?', in my case, is no, as it's in my nature to constantly search new opportunities and experiences in *everything* In this case though, I mostly do it to learn more about who he is as well as who men are in general
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  2. #22
    Senior Member Vamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    589

    Default

    If I settle it'd better be for money. :P I'm only half joking with that, the only way I'd "settle" is if it were something that I needed really badly. And I'm not talking romantically, either: I'm thinking a business partnership. I'm not a romantic person, I find it suffocating therefore, relationships don't do the things I need them to do for me. Of course, I'm 22 and self centered or something like that.
    George Bernard Shaw in cartoon form.

  3. #23
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6
    Socionics
    ????
    Posts
    3,665

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    So my question is: How easy is it for ENFPs to settle contentedly into a relationship and give up their "wonderlust"? Is it possible that this type just isn't meant for being confined to an exclusive relationship?
    Yes, it's possible. I've been in the same relationship for the last 16 years and I have never been unfaithful. It's just a matter of deciding to do so.

    I can explore possibilities elsewhere than with relationship, e.g in the life of work, developing myself, decorating the house, learning new things, planting new flowers to my garden.

    So, in my own experience, an ENFP can still use Ne even when in a relationship. Ne can be used in everywhere and that constat input I need but I can obtain it from so many places than messing around with people.

    Quote Originally Posted by angell_m View Post
    I suppose it would be common for those of us who spend an excessive amount of time dreaming. I know I was prone to become "bored," or
    better explained as "wanting to look for something else" when I was
    younger. But today, no.
    I'm bored with (some) people too, but the point is to find that somebody that doesn't bore you. Because I could have never been 16 years with a boring person...

    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    The first is Ne endlessly scanning the horizen and looking for something more. Fi helps argue this by saying it isnt okay to hurt people.
    Fi definitely helps there if your values include not to hurt other people and not to play around with people and if it appreciates being faithful to your spouse.

    The second hurdle in older enfps will be Te. If we have been forced to be independent, we will feel very "controlled" or even trapped being in a relationship. I would rather be alone, than be forced to change.
    I could never be in a long term relationship with a controlling person. That is why I'm married to another independent type, ISTP. That is one key factor to a "ENFP" relatiohsip success.

    So my recommendations for other ENFP's: choose non-boring and independent spouse.

    Quote Originally Posted by GemPOPGem View Post
    I think it is very incredibly easy for us enfp's to settle. We need someone to temper us, a stabiliser if you like. However for relationships to be successful we need freedom in other areas work/friends/travel/social life/children. Theres no point trying to cage an enfp....we will fly fly fly.
    I agree.

  4. #24
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    But I've yet to meet another man who can give me what he does and it becomes harder every year as we've build up a beautiful life together, and a very strong and sound relationship.
    Don't you mean it becomes easier?

    I'd be worried if I were your SO, reading that. You're "yet" to meet. You're constantly "scanning" for "intense" connections. Sounds like if you ever did meet someone who measured up you'd be off. Rather than being settled, it reads like you've temporarily settled for the best you could do. No offense, just telling you how it sounds, which is why you are perceived in the way you are.


    I've known ENFPs who were flighty and I've known ones who were not only completely faithful, but completely loyal. Any type can and does cheat, it comes down to personal morality, which has nothing to do with type, IMO.
    I think one pitfall for ENFPs early in a relationship can be disallusionment - building the other person up too much and then being disappointed when they fail to meet all their expectations. That looks like flightiness, but it's not. It's not about being bored, it's about having impossible standards. But healthy / mature ones grow out of that idealising tendency.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  5. #25
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    IxFx
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    859

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    I'm bored with (some) people too, but the point is to find that somebody that doesn't bore you. Because I could have never been 16 years with a boring person...
    Boo!

  6. #26
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    2,204

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    Don't you mean it becomes easier?

    I'd be worried if I were your SO, reading that. You're "yet" to meet. You're constantly "scanning" for "intense" connections. Sounds like if you ever did meet someone who measured up you'd be off. Rather than being settled, it reads like you've temporarily settled for the best you could do. No offense, just telling you how it sounds, which is why you are perceived in the way you are.

    I actually understand you both, Satine and Morgan. That scanning what Satine was talking about comes naturally, you cant stop that. It's just the nature.
    On the other hand, I get what you're talking about "i've yet to meet", that sounds completely not Ne dom, more like being in a relationship for comfort, which is repulsive to me.

    And once you get ENFP to commit, I think it means a lot, because that means that ENFP has sorted out all possibilities and really found that you're "the truth". Heh, dont know how to express myself; but Ne sees everything as possible, until she sees that it's not really like that. But if ENFP commits, that means that out of all possibilities you've proven to be the truth. So when enfp commits it's true, and other things were not truthful enough.
    with most people its the same but they'll probably stay more in things for safety, maybe, so being flighty and all is not such bad thing for enfps, we just want that if we commit to something that that's absolutely how we feel and that we dont fool anyone, and once that is the case, we'll commit. Truth above all.

  7. #27
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    Enfp
    Enneagram
    497 sx/so
    Socionics
    IEE Fi
    Posts
    14,658

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    Don't you mean it becomes easier?

    I'd be worried if I were your SO, reading that. You're "yet" to meet. You're constantly "scanning" for "intense" connections. Sounds like if you ever did meet someone who measured up you'd be off. Rather than being settled, it reads like you've temporarily settled for the best you could do. No offense, just telling you how it sounds, which is why you are perceived in the way you are.


    I've known ENFPs who were flighty and I've known ones who were not only completely faithful, but completely loyal. Any type can and does cheat, it comes down to personal morality, which has nothing to do with type, IMO.
    I think one pitfall for ENFPs early in a relationship can be disallusionment - building the other person up too much and then being disappointed when they fail to meet all their expectations. That looks like flightiness, but it's not. It's not about being bored, it's about having impossible standards. But healthy / mature ones grow out of that idealising tendency.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chloé View Post
    I actually understand you both, Satine and Morgan. That scanning what Satine was talking about comes naturally, you cant stop that. It's just the nature.
    On the other hand, I get what you're talking about "i've yet to meet", that sounds completely not Ne dom, more like being in a relationship for comfort, which is repulsive to me.

    And once you get ENFP to commit, I think it means a lot, because that means that ENFP has sorted out all possibilities and really found that you're "the truth". Heh, dont know how to express myself; but Ne sees everything as possible, until she sees that it's not really like that. But if ENFP commits, that means that out of all possibilities you've proven to be the truth. So when enfp commits it's true, and other things were not truthful enough.
    with most people its the same but they'll probably stay more in things for safety, maybe, so being flighty and all is not such bad thing for enfps, we just want that if we commit to something that that's absolutely how we feel and that we dont fool anyone, and once that is the case, we'll commit. Truth above all.


    Correct, Chloe.

    I cannot turn it off, and..I'm too curious not to get to know people and go 'what-iffing', it's fun

    However, I committed to my So a long time ago. Nobody's ever been able to give me that feeling of completeness the way he has. And I doubt anyone ever will. I never say never however as I learned a long time ago not to assume anything definite. I'm a realist on that. Experience however has taught me that my gut feeling on him was and is still right. He knows how I feel and he's fine with that. He too knows that if I was going to leave, I'd ve done it a loooooooooong time ago. I'm very much happy with him and love him dearly.

    I also remember that when I first got together with him, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, something I never had with my previous lovers. I felt like I was home. The restlessness I felt before, that urge to seek out new people and know what they are like, especially men, was gone. And although I still enjoy occasionally seeking out people and getting to know them, it's no longer an urge. It's just something I enjoy and that comes naturally to me. I won't deny I've met some men after him that would have potentially made good lifepartners as well (always seeing the possibilities in front of you, after all), but I instinctively realized that in this case, the grass just *is* greener at home.

    I also find that doing this, despite its obvious risks, keeps you more on your toes about your relationship. It keeps you from being complacent, from taking your partner for granted, from being taken for granted. It keeps your eye on the relationship, always looking to improve it, looking to learn from the other people you get to know and getting inspired as to how refine stuff, try somethign new, add variation. It's like constant maintenance check-ups and monitoring and it's part of what made us so tight over the years. We're a team, and we regularly check up on each other emotionally, to nurture that bond and see if we're not accidentely drifting apart. That includes being honest about *any* feelings stirred up by him or me or others. I have no secrets for him, especially not emotionally. And he doesn't have any for me. In fact, if I get distracted from our relationship into other projects, he seeks me out, hugs me to death, craving that maintenance and generally has trouble digesting his feelings as he usually uses me as a soundboard. And vice versa. It keeps our relationship fresh and our bond intact. In fact, people are often surprised we've been together for that long when they see the way we interact with such physical affection still (without clinging and being co-dependent, that is)
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  8. #28
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    IxFx
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    859

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Despite my rep here, I've been happy and faithful to my INTJ for over 10 years. When I met him, I knew I'd be hardpressed to ever find someone who'd love me and accept me as unconditionally as he does. And he is the *only* stable thing in my life, something I very much treasure as it provides shelter from the chaos that is my life at times.

    I will admit, as I am very much driven to connecting with people, that the intensity rush you get from meeting someone new,and it clicks really well, is...tempting. But I've yet to meet another man who can give me what he does and it becomes harder every year as we've build up a beautiful life together, and a very strong and sound relationship. And I would never be able to live with myself if I hurt him in any way. Though I've met other men that can make my heart beat faster for a while, and I enjoy that feeling, I recognize it for what it is: a fleeting feeling, in no way able to compete with the feelings I continuously have for him

    So, the answer to your question is 'yes', imo.

    The answer to the question: 'will she ever stop scanning the horizon?', in my case, is no, as it's in my nature to constantly search new opportunities and experiences in *everything* In this case though, I mostly do it to learn more about who he is as well as who men are in general
    I just felt like teasing you a bit on this one part..

    (You never said this, but this is what I can make out of it if I want
    to. So please just go with the flow, at least for a little while).


    1. You need to know that your SO will never leave you, or else
      the relationship will not work out.
    2. You can blatantly say that the possibility of you leaving him
      is there, and he has to accept that or else the relationship
      will not work out.

    The same scenario can be seen in a very protective ENFP woman
    who freaks out whenever other women speaks with her partner,
    and her freakouts has to be accepted by him or else the relationship
    will not work out. The ENFP woman, however (who in this case is
    very protective), needs to have a large variety of friends, some of
    whom are men. And her partner has to accept that, or else the
    relationship will not work out.

    It's like bus tickets; when you're 14 years old you have to pay for
    an adult ticket, however, you're not adult enough to buy cigarettes
    and alcohol. So you're an adult, yet not adult enough to be labeled
    as an adult at some adult areas of adulthood...

    Double standard?

    Moahaha

    But anyway, like I wrote above, you never said 'that'. This is just
    what I happened to see as an "alternate" post, or something.

  9. #29
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by angell_m View Post
    Double standard?
    It does strike me that way too.
    Also, as pretty selfish as far as the "scanned" objects of desire are concerned. They help keep things fresh and exciting in the primary relationship, but what are they getting out of the deal exactly? I dunno. I can't relate at all. If I'm into someone they are all I can see and all I ever want to see. I have very little left over for anyone else. Most INTPs seem to be this way. Maybe it's unbalanced?
    Last edited by Salomé; 08-10-2010 at 05:55 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  10. #30
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 so/sx
    Posts
    2,077

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i can totally focus on just one person...no issue at all with that and if/when i get bored i just like to think of new stuff for us to do i don't think i want a new person out of boredom.
    This.

    I've never had a problem committing to someone, if I know we're on the same page and we have a future together. If those elements aren't there, then I resist strongly. ENFP's are very independent minded, and need to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't just accept it, but respects it.

    I don't know about any other ENFP's, but I deeply resent the " flaky and flighty" label. What good is there in settling down quickly if it's wrong? Just because we're specific about how a permanent relationship should be, doesn't mean that we're unable to settle down. At least, that's my angle on it.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-01-2017, 02:00 AM
  2. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 05-05-2016, 10:55 AM
  3. Quotes and sayings that don't make sense
    By Oaky in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 110
    Last Post: 02-23-2011, 01:41 AM
  4. [MBTItm] ENFP-INFP: How much emotion and vulnerability do you show others?
    By heart in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 68
    Last Post: 05-22-2010, 10:24 PM
  5. Why are DRAGONS so RACIST? And can they be REFORMED?
    By Wonkavision in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 02-08-2009, 03:05 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO