I like to think I can settle. But I believe when I find the "one", I can and will settle. Also when I'm comfortable with compromising in a relationship without losing myself or feeling controlled.
Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace."
— Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)
"Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted."
— Sylvia Plath
as an NFP i think settling is necessary. coming to terms with the fact that we will never have our ideal outside of ourselves (any any sense of the word) is essential and, i think, is required to be happy. i think striving to find what we can consider our most "ideal" is still important, but if we're constantly looking for the thing that 100% fits our values, well.....i think we'd all find ourselves very disappointed.
I think it is very incredibly easy for us enfp's to settle. We need someone to temper us, a stabiliser if you like. However for relationships to be successful we need freedom in other areas work/friends/travel/social life/children. Theres no point trying to cage an enfp....we will fly fly fly.
My so is pretty much the antithesis of me in many ways but i lead my own life, i am dedicated to my family but it is vital that i keep some of me for me....if that makes sense.
"We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"
i do want some stability, but to be honest, i don't think it's in my nature to ever truly settle. i am always going to want to hop that weekend flight to bali, or stay out surfing during the pouring rain, or try the funky new restaurant.
but i do really like longterm relationships. it's hard for me to find people themselves boring - only the things that they do or do not choose to do. individual people are almost infinitely interesting to me, and i fall hard. i really love the intense deep bond over shared experience and mutual affection between two people - both cognitive and emotional.
Originally Posted by Lady X
i can totally focus on just one person...no issue at all with that and if/when i get bored i just like to think of new stuff for us to do i don't think i want a new person out of boredom.
the key for me would seem to be finding someone that keeps me grounded but who has a good appetite for adventure, too.
One is a woman in her 50s. She was married once before and divorced her husband because she said they used to argue a lot and he made her cry (as he admitted sometimes on purpose). A decade after divorce she met an INTJ man and they have been together happily ever after (around 8 years now). She gets plenty of stimulation from other people at her work (she is a nurse) and plenty of volunteering activities (she participates in all kinds of sports and mentors 5 kids from a low income family).
Second ENFP is a man, 45 y.o., who has married ISTJ woman whom he met when we was in the army. He runs a very large farm and participates in a lot of the local community events. His wife is absent quite a bit due to her work (she is still with the military) but whenever she comes back he completely disappears and I think they have a few weeks of pretty heated exchange going on there, then she goes back to her duties.
So I think the key for ENFP settling down is to stop seeking a lot of stimulation from the partner but rather seek it in activities outside of relationship - work, own business, volunteering, getting involved in community activities and the like.
In my younger years (I'm almost 32 now), I was quite the idealist. I believed in soulmates and all sorts of pretty bullcrap about relationships. Off the top of my head, there is only one thing that I still believe, and that is that it totally unsettles me that I have to get over someone I love and am committed to and wish to spend the rest of my life with. I only want one man. I don't want to have to say "I love you" to more than one. I think it's painful to have to keep picking up the pieces. I've been dating for 16 years. And the only time I've gotten bored with someone was when I was with an older man who had done me wrong. When he hurt me so bad, I knew that he wasn't the one. That is the only time I got the wandering eye. And many didn't blame me in my situation. Anyway, a few months ago I got out of a relationship with someone I wanted to spend my life with. I never contemplated leaving him for someone. I wasn't bored with him. Plus also, I think I learned a while ago that relationships and marriage aren't always going to be fun. They will flat out suck at times. You have to work at making them fun and romantic and whatnot. My problem is finding someone as committed as I am -- someone who understands what it takes to make a relationship work. This seems to be a challenge in today's throw away society.
Also...like the song states: If you're bored then you're boring. :p