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  1. #1
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    Default ENFPs getting older or maturing?

    I'd be curious for the input of ENFPs who are older than me (30 - 40 somethings and up) but also for ENFPs in their mid-to-late twenties...

    On one hand, there is a part of me who felt like I had to explore the world and try everything to discover "who I am" and what I really want from life, but there's another part of me who is disgusted by some of the things I did and behaviors I exhibited when I was younger...like I feel I was "too open" in that phase of my life, and that I have a stronger sense of ethics now that I'm older, and I'm using those ethics to judge my younger self. This is strange to me because I once said "no regrets, everything I've done makes me who I am today" and now I want to distance myself somewhat from who I was as a younger person.

    On the other hand, I feel like I was more gentle, spiritual, and tolerant in other ways...like maybe I've hardened a little too much (Te?) as I've aged, and it would do me good to be a little more in touch with my Fi in that way again, or was I just being naive?

    I guess everyone changes as they grow up, and I'm not even sure where I'm going with this, honestly. The form of a med I take has been recently slightly changed and I feel a bit cloudy headed...

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i can relate a lot...actually...i think i was a big bubbly overflowing nefi person...very lovey and hippiish...so enthralled with people...rarely made judgment calls...just extremely accepting and intrigued by people...now...i seem to be less interested...i don't need to get into super personal deep bonding convos with people all the time like i did...it's like i have less emotional energy for it...i can only focus that on a few important people at a time now it seems...i'm still restless but a whole lot less.

    and...i don't feel harder...i'm the same me...but...just less open.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3
    Senior Member Liesl's Avatar
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    I really can't relate. I've always been intensely discriminating about the activities I've participated in and who to involve in my life. Intensely discriminating. I'm extremely accepting of other people's choices and lifestyles but am so very careful and choosy in my own.

    But I'm also pretty guarded, suspicious, and untrusting due to my childhood. That might explain it.

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    well, i've always been open and fun-seeking and curious, but i was a rather quiet child, and actually fairly quiet and socially awkward in high school too, at least in the classroom. i did have a fairly large group of friends i'd open up more around, but it wasn't really until college where my E actually even surfaced socially.

    i feel like my main growth has been in 1) just letting myself be wild and/or outspoken somtimes and 2) in not bending so much to make others like me. my biggest regrets come from compromising my values to please others.
    Last edited by skylights; 08-11-2010 at 01:15 AM. Reason: btw young here lol

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    I'm younger. I'm a male. And I think my Fi is dying a very quick death.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Deja Vu View Post
    I'm younger. I'm a male. And I think my Fi is dying a very quick death.

    That's not what I meant at all, but okay that sounds bad.

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    I get it. Everything you said resonates. I don't actually see it as Fi is being naive, just all that "trying to find myself" and distancing myself from that behavior sort've culminates as well...no regrets. Don't have regrets, because ultimately, even if you are distancing yourself, it is because you learned that isn't the type of person you want to be or even comfortable being. So its not you, its just a piece of you.

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    Member 7thsomebody's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post

    On the other hand, I feel like I was more gentle, spiritual, and tolerant in other ways...like maybe I've hardened a little too much (Te?) as I've aged, and it would do me good to be a little more in touch with my Fi in that way again, or was I just being naive?
    I am 20, so perhaps a little too young for your target audience. However, I find that what you say is frightening. Even more frightening are the reality checks I am having. Before my career plans were essentially about following my heart's desire and shooting for the moon. Now I am being more cautious... and this saddens me. That zest for life I had is dying slightly and I think possibly yours has dimmed (although I do not know you...) I loathe Te and Fe and whilst I know that a. though it is not necessarily a smart thing to say the ideas of hardening and following social norms which seem characteristics of those who exhibit these as dominant or axillary functions are off putting to me, or at least, not characteristics I want to undertake myself.
    If there is anyone who is in the sun would you help me to understand? 'Cause I've been caught in between, all you wish for and all you mean. Oh now maybe you're not even sure, what it's for anymore than me...

    -Joseph Arthur, In The Sun

    If I find my way, how much will I find?

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by 7thsomebody View Post
    I am 20, so perhaps a little too young for your target audience. However, I find that what you say is frightening. Even more frightening are the reality checks I am having. Before my career plans were essentially about following my heart's desire and shooting for the moon. Now I am being more cautious... and this saddens me. That zest for life I had is dying slightly and I think possibly yours has dimmed (although I do not know you...) I loathe Te and Fe and whilst I know that a. though it is not necessarily a smart thing to say the ideas of hardening and following social norms which seem characteristics of those who exhibit these as dominant or axillary functions are off putting to me, or at least, not characteristics I want to undertake myself.
    Actually Te has helped me greatly in my life, and I don't see Fe as a "hardening function" like Te. I still have a zest for life, I'm just somewhat more realistic. I'm still an ENFP, though, because I still take risks...just not as haphazardly as I did at 19 or 22. That's actually A GOOD THING. In a lot of ways I've matured, and that's why I'm rejecting some of the things I did as a younger person.

    The initial shock of reality and mortality may be depressing, but it balances itself out in the long run actually. I'm not sad about that, actually.

    The only thing I want to work on is softening up my Fi again, which means being more actively in touch with my spiritual side and being more forgiving instead of always fighting back. I just need to learn to pick my battles wisely - that would be real maturity...

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    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    It sounds like ENFPs when young have rampant Ne and me, I had rampant Fi when young and did nothing but as I have gotten older and more confident, I use a lot more Ne and other functions to balance myself out.

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