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[NF] INFJ and INFP males: What do you hate/love about them?

runvardh

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Wow, this took my breath away. Well said indeed. And I apologize in advance for what will surely be a long post...

To the member who called us pansies: do not commit the common error of mistaking our kindness for weakness.

Listen: I've had my share of physical altercations. I'm 11-1, and the one "loss" was my allowing the guy one punch because I knew I deserved it. I only allowed him one though, and he sensed that, and he wisely let it go.

A few memorable ones:

- My father visited me in college a few months after he had a minor heart attack. We got a bit drunk at my favorite local (my father less than me of course), and we hit it off with a group of guys who were friendly enough, but a bit rowdy. Fine. Upon leaving the pub though, the rowdiest of them pushed my dad playfully in the chest, but enough to make him falter. In a flash, that fellow was on the street beneath me, and he was about to die for all I cared. To say I "saw red" would be a massive understatement. Two of his mates could see what was coming, and they wisely grabbed his arms and literally dragged him down the street away from me. The fellow that was left of that group apologized while walking backward and said this of his friend: "He's one of the best college wrestlers I've ever known and I've never seen him go down so fast. Thanks for not hurting him." I would have killed him without remorse had he actually been a threat to my dad.

- A few years ago at a club in a rural southern town, a drunk young fellow started harassing and dancing "too close" to a couple female friends of my ex-wife. He actually reached out to touch one of them. Big mistake. I couldn't hear a thing, but I could see what was happening. If that guy had not been faster of foot than I, he would have regretted ever waking up that day. He and his buds left the club right quick.

- At a pool party a few years ago, another drunk fellow (this one much bigger and stronger than I), was playing like he was gonna throw a pregnant friend of mine in the pool. He actually picked her up, and she screamed. Game over. I pried his grip free and spun him around as quick as you please, and helped my friend back to her seat. He turned to face me, saw the look in my eyes, and rapidly backed off. Good move. I saw him sitting quietly later, obviously brooding and feeling foolish, and my impulse was to go shake his hand and tell him "no hard feelings, but stay away from my friends." My ex-wife said, "F**k him, he deserves to feel bad." She is most decidedly not an INFP. (Edit: my friend's non-INFP husband was right there, and he did nothing. He thanked me later when nobody else was around.)


I could go on, about protecting my Cross Country coach in high school from a bunch of bikers, or taking on three bullies to protect three of my non-INFP male friends right after high school, but by now I've made my point, which is this:

Hurt me? Fine. I can take it. But stay away from those that I love. I have a hero complex, and when protecting a loved one, I have absolutely no fear of harm, or even death. I'm pretty sure this is a common trait of the male INFP.

Just some words to the wise, and to correct a common misconception about my "type." I'm as gentle as they come, and I would literally give any of you the shirt off my back, but tread carefully around my loved ones... there is a raging beast lurking just beneath my placid surface. As angel_m said above, it does scare me what I'm capable of.

Okay, I'm calming down now. Just remembering those incidents made me shake with fury. Carry on good people.

Abstract, out.

---

Edit: I paused my DVR to write that post. (Been traveling for work and taking the day off.) Anyway, I'm in the middle of "Sense and Sensibility" and I'm loving every minute of it. I'm actually sitting here giggling and clapping at this "chick flick." Yeah, I'm sensitive, and I do have female traits, but again, the male INFP is somewhat of a paradox in that regard.

I love chatting happily with women, but in a breath, I would draw my sword and gladly die to protect their honor.

I was born two hundred years too late.

It's always easier to be ready to put a man's nose into the back of his skull when INFP. Too many jackasses require pain to learn and some just need their stupidity "cured".
 

Abstract Thinker

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It's always easier to be ready to put a man's nose into the back of his skull when INFP. Too many jackasses require pain to learn and some just need their stupidity "cured".

Agreed, but the thing about me is, there's no middle ground when it comes to violence. Cross the line and the rage overwhelms me. That's why I relate so much to what angell_m said.

Fortunately, it takes a lot to make me angry, the only exception being a threat to my loved ones.

INFP or just me? :huh:
 

Salomé

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Love: Often exceptionally intelligent, sensitive, creative and fun. Huge-hearted, warm and safe.
Not Love: Sometimes too fragile, often distant/moody. Tend to be wallowers and difficult to motivate or draw out, especially for another introvert.
 

angell_m

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Love: Often exceptionally intelligent, sensitive, creative and fun. Huge-hearted, warm and safe.
Not Love: Sometimes too fragile, often distant/moody. Tend to be wallowers and difficult to motivate or draw out, especially for another introvert.

I like it how you used love/not love. Hehe. Spot on.
 

Billy

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We're not all sissies who dont make moves.
 

Snuggletron

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just most of us^

lol at this thread only having two other posters in it that aren't INFx males
 

Salomé

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^Also, they aren't very good at math.
 

runvardh

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Agreed, but the thing about me is, there's no middle ground when it comes to violence. Cross the line and the rage overwhelms me. That's why I relate so much to what angell_m said.

Fortunately, it takes a lot to make me angry, the only exception being a threat to my loved ones.

INFP or just me? :huh:

No, you're right, I just spent my childhood having to explode for anyone to finally listen that there was a problem. By high school I was well known enough for being an explosive psycho that people stopped showing up to fights they challenged me to. Too bad that didn't extend to my friends whom they'd only bother behind my back. I'm much better these days, but you never know when an emergency hits, like this one character at a job I worked whose favourite game was constantly be a verbal shit. I gave him a few warnings then gave him a shot to shut him up. Supervisor saw it a long with the rest of the crew, I didn't get into trouble so I guess they all figured he had it coming.
 

Seymour

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I'm definitely not in the explosive anger camp. I very rarely get angry (as opposed to just momentarily irritated), but when it happens its a very cold, calculating anger that freaks out those that know me. I've never been one to get into fights, although I fought with my brothers a lot growing up.

As far as the whole "pansy" thing... I don't take the societal gender expectations as gospel (of course, being gay, how could I?). Some of the rules (though not all) for "being a man" seem pointless and not worth following. There's a strength in knowing who you are and feeling the strength of your convictions. If your beliefs don't require you to smack others upside the head, that doesn't make you less of a man in my opinion.

Anyway, while I never dated any INFP or INFJ men, my two best friends from college are a straight INFP (a more extreme INFP than I am) and a gay INFJ respectively. So:


INFP Friend:

Pros: Feel accepted and understood, feel like you listen deeply, feel like there is a lot going on there beneath the surface.

Cons: Often impossible to get you to talk about what you are struggling with, sometimes you seem to "give up" on areas of your life, can be passive and fail to communicate your issues in relationships



INFJ Friend:

Pros: Infectious sharing of enthusiasms and media, initiation (and sometimes planning) of social events, the crazy-funhouse mirror similarities and difference of relating to an INFJ (as an INFP)

Cons: Can be relentlessly nudgy and tend to give advice when I haven't asked for it, sometimes push for me to solve problems from the outside in (where as an INFP I tend to solve things from the inside out), can be hard to take your alternative belief system(s) seriously at times.



Edit: But Morgan, counting is hard!
 

Salomé

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Are INF men more likely to be gay?
Has anyone studied sexual orientation + type?
 

Abstract Thinker

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After giving it some thought, I want to stress this, lest you all think me prone to violence: It is only in the defense of loved ones that I am quick to act with violence.

Regarding myself, I am generally too forgiving of those who would verbally (and in other, more subtle ways), attack me, and often to my own chagrin.

I wonder if I should be more aggressive in defending my own honor, like I am so quick to defend the honor of others? This issue has always given me some concern.
 

Seymour

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Are INF men more likely to be gay?
Has anyone studied sexual orientation + type?

I think the MBTI Manual has a bit on sexual orientation and type. I'll check when I get home. I vaguely recall that correlations weren't that high, but that INTJ was the most likely type to be homosexual, but don't quote me on that (might all be a figment of my foggy memory).

Still, I'd say most gay men (like most people) are S. As far as Ns go, I seem to run into more gay NTs than I do NFs (of course, I do work as a computer geek). When I first came out, it was a bit of a shock to me that I wasn't any more typical a gay man than I was a straight one. Overall, I'd guess the stereotypical gay personality type would be ESFP.

I think teasing apart the interactions between personality type, gender and sexual orientation would be interesting but I haven't heard of anything terribly comprehensive.

Anyway, I feel for straight American male INFs, since they have to deal with being fairly far away from the stereotypical American male personality type. I don't think most INF males are "really gay" or more than most Thinking women are "really lesbian."
 

Salomé

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INTJ was the most likely type to be homosexual,
Not asexual? Huh.
I don't think most INF males are "really gay" or more than most Thinking women are "really lesbian."
No, I didn't mean to imply that. But I've noticed that there seems to be a statistically significant proportion of INTP women with bi orientation. And I think part of that might come from being more "male"-brained. I wondered if there was a similar phenomenon for NF men.
 

InTheFlesh

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Call every day? Honestly? The bad news is once you're in a relationship you stop calling...

(Sorry, personal issue :D)

This has ruined 2 different big relationships for me:sad:
It seems like once I get involved and get people into a relationship my internal wall recreates itself.

Has any other INFJ or anyone in general had this happen?
 

Abstract Thinker

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Anyway, I feel for straight American male INFs, since they have to deal with being fairly far away from the stereotypical American male personality type.

I'm a straight American male INF, and I have several very close gay male friends. I find "the stereotypical American male personality type" quite annoying, with all their false bravado and machismo posturing. It just gets old after a while.

I enjoy hanging out with my gay male friends because there's never any sexual tension (like there can be with female friends), and I don't have to deal with all the macho crap.

I would guess that might be a "straight male INFP" thing, but I could be reaching.
 

angell_m

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Are INF men more likely to be gay?
Has anyone studied sexual orientation + type?

I don't know. I'm heterosexual though. I have nothing against homosexuallity. I just don't like the ones that act more girly than girls do. Only once have I been hit on by a homosexual man. I simply told him I was heterosexual as politely as I could.

The only bad thing about being an INFP male is that you can't "pick up" women, it's more in the lines of being "picked up" by women. The good thing about it though is that you get all the perverted aggressive women, in all kinds of ages =)
 
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