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  1. #1
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Default ENFP possessiveness? jealousy with friendships?

    One of my closest friends is an ENFP. There is a side of her behavior that puzzles me.

    This ENFP is very beautiful. She was a model for a top agency at one point in her life. She certainly gets a lot of attention. She always has an orbit of admirers around.

    On certain occasions where I'm getting more attention than her (it doesn't happen often) she becomes either withdrawn or possessive. My ENTJ friend even noticed this and asked me about it. It's something that I noticed myself but never said anything about.

    Some examples: I never get dressed up or wear makeup that much. People don't recognize me when I do. On my birthday, I decided to pretty it up and sure enough got a lot of attention. ENFP was complimentary toward me then kept mentioning that she thought she didn't look good enough that night.

    Another time, we were both at a bar watching live music at a table when this woman approached and started hitting on me. ENFP reaches over and lays her hand on my thigh in front of the woman. When the woman leaves she goes back to 'normal'

    When she first met my ENTJ friend, she actually physically pushed the ENTJ away from me when we were at a club dancing. We were all drinking but I was shocked that she would do that.

    Me and ENFP dated very briefly about two years ago and streamlined into a close friendship. I know ENFP doesn't like me in that way so I can't understand her behavior.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  2. #2
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Hmm, as a archetypal ENFP, I don't understand the concept of our ever being jealous or possessive, with one caveat, I do exhibit romantic jealousy, but that's about it, seriously.

    Are you sure she's an ENFP?
    `
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  3. #3
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Yes. I gave her the test.

    I know if I mentioned anything to her about it her feelings would be hurt and she wouldn't see that she does this. So maybe her motivation and what shows to others are different things.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  4. #4
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    I've seen this in ENFPs who have issues concerning abandonment and self-esteem, including myself; a lot of times, if feeling unbalanced we can lose our inner sense of self-worth and overly-rely on confirmation from others. This is a tactic to draw attention to herself in order to feel that she has more self-worth than she currently feels. I used to do this often when I was stuck in a depressive episode, before I was medicated.

    Also, while my roommate is not ENFP, i do notice that she and her other model friends are highly critical of themselves and others in their industry, and that often times they, being noticed almost exclusively for their outer-beauty, question their own inner "allure". i don't know her but i can see this being a contributing internal struggle.
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  5. #5
    Junior Member Loliz's Avatar
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    One of my best friends is an ENFP. (I love the ENFPs!) She talks about getting friend jealousy pretty regularly. She doesn't like it if any of her closest friends (or sibling or partner) become close to each other or hang out without her. She also seems to keep tabs on all of their other relationships, asking a lot of questions about the amount they hang out with someone...Not sure what it has to do with in relationship to her ENFPness though. She is definitely on the 7/8 area of the enneagram, and is an sx dom. She likes to be the one most in control and sorta the ring leader or sorts. I do think ENFPs like attention! A lot of it!

    (If your friend is used to being "the attractive one," it would make sense that she would get uncomfortable when she doesn't feel that way, as it is probably where she gets a sizable amount of her confidence.)

    Hmmm...?

  6. #6
    Junior Member Loliz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stringstheory View Post
    I've seen this in ENFPs who have issues concerning abandonment and self-esteem, including myself; a lot of times, if feeling unbalanced we can lose our inner sense of self-worth and overly-rely on confirmation from others. This is a tactic to draw attention to herself in order to feel that she has more self-worth than she currently feels.
    That sounds about right.

  7. #7
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Loliz View Post
    She likes to be the one most in control and sorta the ring leader or sorts. I do think ENFPs like attention! A lot of it!
    Yeah. That's one of the qualities I'm in awe of about her. She can juggle so many people wanting her attention. Just watching her in action wears me out.

    (If your friend is used to being "the attractive one," it would make sense that she would get uncomfortable when she doesn't feel that way, as it is probably where she gets a sizable amount of her confidence.)
    Makes sense. Still. I would like to be able to bask in some attention or flirtatious conversation with someone and enjoy it without feeling this sense of impatience from her. Or having her 'sabotage' the moment for me. Even when I'm bored to death I'm very patient with her dialogues with...everyone...about everything. So I think she could give up a little leeway with this. How best to approach or not approach?
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  8. #8
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Many chicks take the test and come out as ENFP, for it is inherently a feminine type.

    I just re-read your first post and it SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Doesn't resonate with me that I cannot believe that this chick is an ENFP, sorry, I can't.

    Stringstheory, notice your type, first of all.

    Secondly, I was neglected and verbally abused by my father, as well as physically abused by my sister growing up.

    In other words, I've got issues.

    But, I've got a very strong Fi, and the woman you describe sounds nothing like an ENFP, nothing!!!!!

    Why people, and women especially love me is due to the fact that I am NOT A HATER, I LOVE when my friends are happy, when they look beautiful, I don't know, this chick just doesn't seem like a real ENFP, to me.

    My INTP bestfriend is both very jealous and possessive of and over me, as is my ESFp friend, though the latter is more possessive than jealous.

    FPs don't hate on good things, good people, good happenings, they welcome them, they actually LOVE THEM, they want the people they love to be happy, to find love, and they will accommodate them as much as they possibly can to facilitate growth and happiness in those they love.

    Fuck, maybe I'm biased, but I KNOW, and it's been verified by many sources, viable sources, that I am a hardcore ENFP.

    And, I don't roll like that, in fact, I find her behavior sad, unacceptable, and slightly abhorrent. EW!

    I've been hated on by my "friends" hell, even by my family before, and I just sat there and cried inside, shocked by how disgusting a fragile ego can manifest in such cruel actions. :sad:

    So, yeah.

    I bet this chick is NOT an ENFP.

    Seriously.

    Like I said, I'm prone to depression, and I'm a victim of abuse, and my issues do come out with men, at times, with men I'm romantically involved with, but other than that, I NEVER HATE ON WOMEN, unless they're tyrannical cunts who need to be put in their place.

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

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  9. #9
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    i said including myself, not only myself. just because it doesn't resonate with you doesn't mean she isn't ENFP...all people are different. i've seen plenty of consensus that this can be typical ENFP behaviour, especially if she is not healthy. Key word is unhealthy.

    considering you guys were at a bar, i'm assuming she's over 21? how old is she, exactly?
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  10. #10
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    hmmm, I am actually anti-possesive myself. If I have to compete with another person over a third person I just quit and walk away. Any other alternative just results in people getting hurt.

    enfps have been known to seek affirmation externally. I dont do this over my physical looks at all, but I do like to know my efforts at work or in a relationship are appreciated. I think part of maturing is learning to look inside for that affirmation but it can be hard.

    It is an interesting story as if the primary thing she is judged upon daily is her looks, then it makes sense why she would seek affirmation about her looks though...

    As for the envy...well, I think I would have a hard time being friends with someone if I dated them, cared deeply, then watched them date other people. As much as I try to dismiss envy, and want the best for them, it still pops up now and then. So perhaps at times it peeks out a bit with your friend, and after a few drinks when her inhibition is relaxed a bit, she acts out on it?

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