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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    The above characteristics show a LACK OF SELF-AWARENESS.

    EXTREME PETTINESS.

    SELFISHNESS TO THE POINT WHERE SHE WANTS TO BE THE BEST, THE FAVORITE, THE PRETTIEST, SHE WANTS TO BE THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE, SHE WANTS TO ATTRACT AND CONSUME ATTENTION AT THE COST OF BEING FLAGRANTLY RUDE, DISRESPECTFUL, IMMATURE, AND NASTY.
    She could be letting unhealthy Fi get the best of her.

    Marm,

    Do you honestly NOT see how this is very un-Fi like!?!?!?

    You yourself laid out a general template that all Fi users share, and I fully agree with you, and this chick seems to lack those definitive qualities that resonate within Fi users.

    Am I wrong, here?
    One of my sisters tests as ENFP, the only other type I could see her as is ESFP (she's definitely an extrovert, definitely ExFP) and she has some of these issues. She can be one of the most caring, spiritually focused, nature loving, family-centered, open minded person with very authentic expressions of emotion - not unlike my own, my mom thinks we're more alike than my other two sisters who I think are FJs - so, I think that Fi can take different shapes, and sometimes it's not pretty.

  2. #72
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    skylights post was really great. I got a lot of information out of that. Thank you.
    you're welcome!! i hope it's helpful in figuring things out with your friend.

    I could just be oblivious but I don't see the love thing. I mean. She's one of my best friends. The romantic stuff ended two years ago. When I'm 70 I'm going to know where she lives and what she's doing. You know? I told her that. That she was that type of friend to me.
    i think i especially saw a lot of myself in your friend / a lot of her in me because i have a friend who seems like you are to her, too. and i had a crush on her for a very long time. as much as i just want us to be good friends, because i know she has no romantic interest in me, it's very hard for me not to let the affection and intellectual appreciation i have for her spill back into crush again, especially when others threaten to "take her away". perhaps your friend is the same way -- maybe not spilling all the way back into crush, but at least into a place where you subconsciously are each others' top priorities.

    Maybe my protectiveness is kicking in but I don't want people on this thread to think she's a bad person. She's not. Okay. That's all.
    i think that there can be a tendency in NeFi to classify "good" and "bad" without always thinking very much about respecting a person, if they are not present... and in Te to get lost in analysis and solving a puzzle to forget about the human interests involved. sorry if that's run away with me/other ENFPs in our talking about things...

    anyway, not to be self-serving, but i typically like ENFPs, lol, so i assume i'd like your friend. it's somewhat unfortunate that we're mainly discussing a more negative side of her -- she sounds like an easily likeable and loving person.

  3. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post

    i think that there can be a tendency in NeFi to classify "good" and "bad" without always thinking very much about respecting a person, if they are not present... and in Te to get lost in analysis and solving a puzzle to forget about the human interests involved. sorry if that's run away with me/other ENFPs in our talking about things...
    YES I SEE THAT TOO.

  4. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    Thank you!!!!

    MDP, you erred in titling this thread ENFP possessiveness and jealousy with friendships

    Seriously.

    You and she had a romantic relationship, though it may seem/be platonic now, if this chick, is in fact an ENFP, she is VERY MUCH, a.) insecure and b.) still in love/infatuated with you.

    I have NEVER been jealous of anyone, EVER, I think jealousy and envy are disgusting behaviors.

    I will feel sorry for myself, I will go into my shell, and self-destruct, but I would and will NEVER WANT TO HURT ANYONE ELSE, EVER.

    FUCK, I even feel guilty when I'm depressed because this hurts the ones I love, but I can't help it. :sad:

    Also, I CANNOT STAND THOSE WHO INFECT THEIR MISERY ONTO OTHERS, YUCK, YUCK, YUCK, AND DESPICABLE!!!!

    I've NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER been jealous of my friends, nor have I ever been possessive of them.

    I believe that people should do what they want, I HATE FORCE, AND BEING FORCED, so I will never force you to do or be someone or something you're not, or you don't want to.
    SS, i typically really appreciate your posts, and i'm impressed and highly respect that you are so grounded in your moral principles.

    but all ENFPs are not made the same... i have certainly felt jealousy in my life. not proudly, but i don't think there's any growth to be found in denying it.

    most importantly, i cannot see that a person is automatically bad if they do feel possessiveness. it is simply a method of coping - even if selfish, and, at times, hurtful.

  5. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillySapienne View Post
    Once again, I have some heavy duty experience regarding this, once an ISTP lets you in, respects you as a person, and then falls in love with you, that bond is damn near impossible to break.

    What I love(ed) so much about my ISTP was how much he loved *me*, how well we got along, I can't even tell you, to this day, he's the greatest friend I've ever had.

    He's a bit emotionally immature, though. :sad:

    Anyhow, when an ISTP loves you, there ain't no questioning it, s/he fucking LOVES YOU.

    And the best part of all is that they will only be with you if they can not only tolerate your presence, but thoroughly enjoy it.

    I courted him for three years, and he was always behind, and it was frustrating as hell, (we had an incredibly volatile relationship when we were young adults), but, when I left Boulder, he got some time to think, and when he thought about it, thought about me, the more he thought, the more he realized just how in love he was with me.

    Honestly, I've never been loved so purely, intensely, and authentically by anyone else before, he fell in love with me not for my looks, far fucking from, he fell in love with me for who I am, and he and I would do that whilst together, shoot the shit and discover things about life and each other.

    I digress.

    Even though he and I are not together anymore, (my decision, it's complicated), he still loves me, and he will always love me as I, too will always love him.

    He's got my back, and I got his.

    I dunno, nothing ever is going to change that.

    The ISTP needs his/her space they need to think, they need to be alone, and can be alone for astounding chunks of time, seriously, but when one finds a worthy mate, they find that being in this special person's company is pleasurable and preferable to being alone.

    Hahahahaa, my ISTP is pretty anti-social, if it's not business or school related and he's hanging out with you, he likes you, period.

    I guess my point is this, once that bond is built and *felt* by the ISTP it is never broken, the romance might go away, but that bond is eternal.

    Awwww. My ISTP significant other just moved in with me this week. And, our relationship is so wonderful. And you did a great job, SillySapienne, of explaining how it feels for me to be with my ISTP.

    I never thought I could date an S. But with ISTPs this communication gap doesn't seem to be a negative. And, he has very strong Ni and is verbally facile as well. This is a really strong bonding point for us.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  6. #76
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    but all ENFPs are not made the same... i have certainly felt jealousy in my life. not proudly, but i don't think there's any growth to be found in denying it.
    this is my issue; the only thing we have to solidly go on in terms of what her type is is the fact that she tests ENFP. that's it. Otherwise it's judging her in a very one dimensional way and specifically focusing on one facet of the complex system that is personality, and i'm sorry but that does not seem at all logical to me. there are multiple things that need to be taken into account, not type alone. Type might help explain the process behind WHY she is behaving the way she is, but i simply do not believe type precludes her from certain behaviours.

    I think the best thing we can say though, imo, is that regardless of type she does not appear to be acting in a healthy way. Perhaps shadow functions might be coming into play here?

    MDP is there something else going on in her life that might be causing such stress? Especially if this is a more recent development. If you don't know maybe drop an "is everything OK with you?" into whatever conversation you end up having.
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  7. #77
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    I'm mad my question never got answered.

  8. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deja Vu View Post
    I'm mad my question never got answered.
    i don't see any questions from you in this thread
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  9. #79
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    Same here. I checked your posts in this thread and I didn't see any questions Deja Vu.

    Please restate for everyone.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  10. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    She could be letting unhealthy Fi get the best of her... I think that Fi can take different shapes, and sometimes it's not pretty.
    Marm, I was wondering if you could flesh out a bit what you thought unhealthy Fi looked like. I guess until recently, I'd never thought much about Fi running a muck.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

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